Back To You
by artisticallyunwritten
Summary: Post Series Finale. Serena is back at the same crossroads. Dan has walked out and Nate has stepped in. It's up to her to make the choice: The first real love or the best friend?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Whatever you recognize is not mine.

He had walked out on her again. Serena sighed as she walked into her cold apartment. Here she was again, as lonely as she was seven years ago. Seven years ago, when he had so conveniently informed her that, "There was no us". But so much had changed after that. He had told her he loved her. He proposed to her that night in their bedroom just after they made love. And he seemed so _happy, _when he said those vows. The first eight or so months of their lives as a married couple had been so glorious. They were _the couple_ of the Upper East Side. She would revel in the envious looks people threw their way. And she would always marvel herself for finally figuring out her life and being with a man who truly loved and valued her. But then, somewhere along the way things started falling apart. Somewhere along the way, Dan's work became more important than her. Then one day, push came to shove, and he walked out on her. He simply packed his bags, disregarded her pleas and walked out of the house. _Their home.  
_

It has been a month since he had left her. She was so tired of contemplating herself after he had left. Serena sighed; she never quite knew what went so wrong. But she knew it was not his fault. He had loved her so completely. It was she who had ruined it. Serena Van Der Woodsen-Humphry and her flaws. She hated herself for never being good enough for him. She knew that if she had just tried a bit harder, she could've made it work. She felt so lonely and hopeless, try what she might she'll never be good enough to deserve him. She knew that had she been the perfect wife, his work wouldn't have taken priority over her. But Lord knows she had tried! And she had tried so _hard._ She had tried hard enough for Blair to notice. But as defeated as she was, she knew that no matter what she does or how hard she tried, it was a long way to go before she can truly be deserving of being called Serena _Humphrey._

She switched on the lights and took off her coat. Hanging it on the coat hanger, she walked into her bedroom to change. As if out of habit, her eyes fell on his photograph on the bedside table. She smiled ruefully, he was her true love. With his dimpled smile and dark curly hair, he had always been so beautiful. No matter what anybody said, she knew she truly loved him for the person he was. His determination and his drive. She remembered Chuck warning her for forgiving him too easily for being Gossip Girl. Well, what did Chuck know? He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and Bass industries at his feet. This man in the photograph had to struggle his way in from Brooklyn to the UES, and well, she couldn't _not _admire him for that. He was different from all of them, she knew. And that was the reason she had felt so truly in love with him in the first place. Wiping the tears in her eyes, she kept the photograph back and walked out of the bedroom. She could change later. The room felt cold and suffocating without him and she couldn't bear to be there for long. Having nothing better to do, she turned on the television. Randomly switching through channels, something caught her eye.

There he was; Nate Archibald dressed in a starched black suit. The man who had turned down the chance to run for mayor, for reasons unknown. The successful businessman. The man to look out for. The man who had created _The Spectator_ with his own bare hands. The man, who was the only one who hadn't reached out to her when Dan walked out. And that had hurt her. In the last month, Blair had tried to contact her, talk to her, and spend time with her. And as guilty as she felt for it, Serena had tried to avoid her the same way she had ignored Chuck's phone calls and text messages. The last thing she needed right now was sympathy. And that too from the two friends, who had the _perfect_ marriage she had dreamt of all her life. So she avoided them, because she wasn't ready to expose her train wreck of a marriage to the two people who were so naturally good at theirs. But not once had Nate tried to contact her in the last thirty-six days. Of course Nate knew what had happened, everybody did. So the fact that Nate was not the least bit bothered by it had bothered _her._

Because Nate had been the constant in her life. The shoulder to rely on. Nate, her best friend, the one who would go to all lengths to seek her out and comfort her had abandoned her this time. Chances are, she would have pushed him away too. The same way she had pushed Blair and Chuck away. But she knew that Nate would have still stuck around. He got her in ways no one did. He understood her, comforted her and made her feel better about herself in spite of all her flaws. So this time, when Nate didn't even try, struck her hard in the chest. Truth was; she missed her best friend. Maybe not as much as she missed Dan. But a lot. She was angry at him for bailing out on her. Her being a wreck and him sorting it out had been their thing since they were five. So why was Nate not here while she told him that she didn't need his help?

Serena switched the channel, too angry to look at him. If that's the way it was so let be it. She needed him right now, so he should have been there. She won't go _chasing_ after him. Besides, she will make Dan come to her. She will change for him. She will prove her love to him. She didn't even _need _Nate.

Serena woke with a start as her doorbell rang. Panicking, she looked at the clock. It was 10 pm. She must have dozed off while watching the television. She switched it off, smoothed her hair and ran to the door hoping against all hopes that it was Dan. She quickly opened the door to reveal the man she had been thinking about before dozing off. Dressed in a plain white T-shirt and jeans and looking so unlike how he had looked on TV, was Nate Archibald. Nate, on her doorstep, holding a take-out.

"May I come in?"

Please review! This is my first fanfic. Your reviews will truly help me out here! Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine.

She would have said no, had she not been so surprised to see him at her doorstep. She stared at him for a minute straight without blinking.

"I will take that as a yes, then." Nate muttered stepping inside. It was suddenly as if someone doused Serena in cold water and she came back to her senses.

"Nate? Hang on, what are you doing here? And what's that in your hands?" Nate looked up at the sound of her voice. Her _annoyed_ voice. She had her arms folded across her chest and her face screamed accuse. Nate shifted a little.

"Well that is a take out from a Chinese restaurant. As to what am I doing here, I am here to see you S, it has been a long time, I thought I should stop by your place tonight." Nate then looked down and started to unpack the food.

Serena stared at him with disbelief. How can he just walk into her life like that after for a month! How can he just pretend as if everything is okay? How can he act so normal about the fact that her husband has walked out on her? So is this what busy businessmen do nowadays? They just ignore you when you need them the most and waltz into your life when they find the time. Serena opened her mouth to say something, anything! To scream at him. But then closed it, having no idea how to convert thoughts into words in a situation like this. Besides, she didn't want to come off as needy, she thought to herself.

"Aah, I should probably heat it up." Nate's words shook her out of her reverie and by the time Serena had blinked enough times, Nate was already on his way to the kitchen.

"Wait! Nate. What do you think you're doing?" Nate turned around to look at her. "Look this is my house; I am really tired and definitely not in the mood for any reunions right now. I would appreciate if you would just leave." said Serena, opening the entrance door to the apartment. Nate just raised his eyebrows and walked towards her, arms crossed. "You can also take the food; I don't think I am hungry either." Serena pointed to the table. Nate, in reply, shut the door she had been holding, and turned back towards the kitchen.

"I still think I should heat this up." He called. Serena couldn't believe him. Has he been under Blair's training? She looked at him with incredulity as he set the timer on the microwave disregarding her like that. She stomped into her kitchen.

"Nate, please leave. Now! I am really in no mood to argue with you. Just leave me on my own. God knows, you have been doing a good job this past month, keep at it." Serena fumed. Her voice rising and chest heaving. Nate turned to look at her. He saw how her eyes were accusing him for the absence and noticed her pursed lips and flaring nostrils. He smiled at her.

"I am sorry; I didn't show up earlier, S. I swear I was swamped with work. Honestly. I came here as soon as I found time. I was so busy, you have no idea." Nate apologized.

"You were busy?" Serena was positively shrieking now. "You were busy?! My husband walked out on me Nate! I was here in my apartment all alone, crying, looking for a friend and you weren't there! I got messages from everyone asking how I was doing. Blair, Chuck even Rufus! I got messages from practically everyone in Manhattan, except you. Why? Because you were busy giving interviews and attending elite social events? That's your excuse?" All thoughts of not sounding needy forgotten, Serena was in tears at the end of her rant.

He hated it, he really did. Seeing her in tears like that. "Oh Serena, I am sorry. Come here." Nate said attempting to pull her into a hug.

"No!" Serena pushed him away. "I don't want your hugs and I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to look at you and I definitely don't want to be in your presence." Serena replied wiping her eyes and sniffing. "So I really think you should be going now."

The microwave beeped. "S, I am really truly sorry." Nate whispered, remorse evident in his voice. Serena just looked at him. Her eyes still asking what took him so long to come. She needed him these past few days. Nate took out the food from the microwave and with his arm around her made her way towards the couch in her living room.

He sat her down there and took his seat beside her. She still wouldn't look at him. It was clear, she really wanted him out. It was even clearer that Nate wouldn't leave. So she just resorted to ignoring him, hoping that he would take the hint.

Nate cleared his throat. "Eat something, S."

"I told you, I am not hungry." Serena replied, her voice strained. She braced herself for what was to come; the insistence to eat something, the remarks on how she hasn't been taking care of herself. She closed her eyes as Nate opened his mouth.

"Okay then, you can watch me eat. It's delicious by the way." Nate said digging into his food. Serena just watched him. Nothing? No voices of concern? No questions? She suddenly relaxed. He wasn't treating her differently. He was treating her the same way Nate always treats Serena. There weren't any pitiful looks; he was too busy eating to even look at her. Serena saw him eat. Really, he looked so innocent and ordinary; sitting here in his white t-shirt, digging into his food like there was no tomorrow. Who could have thought that this man, sitting on her couch was asked to run for mayor? Serena would have smiled if she wasn't so angry with him. Nate turned the television on and started switching through channels.

"Oh, that's me." Serena turned away to look at the television. And sure enough, it was him. They were showing the repeat telecast of his interview that she saw earlier in the day.

"Yep, it's you. Busy as ever. Surrounded by people equally important as you." said Serena. She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice.

"I will ignore that tone only because I am too busy swooning over myself." Serena mouth fell open and she turned to look at him. He was smiling. His eyes were crinkled and mischievous. "Oh admit it! I look pretty darn incredible there." She wasn't able to help herself. She let out a laugh. A free laugh after such a long time. She felt relief wash over her.

Nate lookeed at her, a smile playing on his lips. The sound of her laughter filling the room. He liked seeing her like this. Happy and care free. The bags under her eyes or the lines on her forehead didn't suit her at all.

"Yes, you do. You always looked good." replied Serena. Once she had stopped laughing. "This does not mean I have forgiven you though." She said, making a straight face and raising her eyebrows.

"Oh, stop it you." Nate said pretending to blush. She really couldn't stay angry with him for long. Here he was, sitting in her living room, showing up after a month of absence and was still able to make her laugh the way she hadn't laughed in so long. She realized just how much she had missed this. But she had no intentions of letting him know. He should feel guilty for bailing out on her like that.

"Nate, I really don't want your sympathies, you know." Serena started, trying to look strong. She really didn't want to lose this flow she always seem to have with Nate. Fake sympathies would do just that.

"Good, I wasn't planning to offer any. You're Serena Van Der Woodsen-Humphrey. Since when do you need any sympathies?" Nate replied. This had her tear up. He still thought so highly of her? Still thought that she was strong enough to not deserve pitiful looks and sympathetic pats? She saw him struggle with his chop sticks. He wasn't even looking at her. He had so off handedly said something that had Serena feeling better about herself than she had in months.

Serena cleared her throat, looking to change the subject. "So, I didn't know that Nate Archibald gets take-outs from small Chinese restaurants. How un-elitist of you!" She mock admonished.

"Oh this is good stuff, S. You should try some." He said and forcefully pushed a prawn in her mouth. It _was_ good. "Eat something! I know you're hungry. I also know you like it." With that Nate served her up some food. "Here," he pushed the plate towards her, "tuck in."

It had been a long time since Serena has had company over dinner. Dan was usually busy with work. She was beginning to enjoy this. This simple feeling of sharing food with good company. "Nate, I think –"Serena began.

"Don't." Nate interrupted. Serena gave him a questioning look. "Don't think Serena. Eat. Eating is healthy. Thinking isn't. You tend to overthink and over analyze every little thing happening around you and end up doing something you'll regret later. So, don't think. Please, have some mercy on the person sitting next to you on the couch who only wants to finish his dinner in peace." Nate teased. Serena smiled. If only this idiot had shown up earlier at her door she wouldn't have berated herself the way she had been these past days. Seeing him, made her realize what she had been missing for so long. For the very first time in the last thirty-six days, Serena wasn't thinking. And it felt good.

Nate helped Serena clean up after dinner. And during that, they talked. They talked about Nate's business expeditions, about Serena's future as a fashion magazine editor, about their childhood. They talked about everything there was to talk about except Dan Humphrey. And Serena was thankful for that. No matter how good Nate makes her feel, she wasn't ready to reveal to him her flaws that had led this marriage in the state it was today. It was around 12.30 by the time Nate decided that he should be going.

"So, can I at least hug you now?" Nate asked before leaving.

Serena nodded. "You haven't been forgiven yet." She reminded him. But she knew she needed that. That safe haven in Nate's arms which makes her temporarily forget about all her problems. Her haven since she was a five years old. She moved towards him and rested her head on his chest. Nate encircled his arms around her shoulders. She wound her arms around his waist. Serena sighed. This was so close to home. They stood like that for a long time, Nate listening to Serena's even breathing. And Serena just letting herself feel the comfort that Nate's presence brought to her. He felt tears prick his eyes. If only, somehow he can convince Dan to come back and free Serena from all her misery.

"Serena?" Nate murmured.

"Hmm?" Serena lazily replied, indicating she was listening.

"Promise me something?" He felt her nod against his chest. "Promise me, you won't cry after I leave."

**A/N: You guys left such beautiful reviews! *HUG*. And I am really hoping the writing would get better and smoother once I am atleast 4 chapters into this story and really have everything sorted out. The chapters will get longer as the story progresses. Thanks for the support though! Keep reviewing you guys, that really pushes me through. I love you guys! :')**

***Hands all Serenaters ice-cream to help you guys get past the post-finale depression***


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Had Gossip Girl been mine, Serenate would have been endgame.**

Serena kept her promise. She didn't cry. Yes, like every one of the past thirty-six days there was a pang in her chest when she walked into the bedroom that night and looked at the empty side of the bed. Yes, like every other night in the last thirty-six days she washed her face over and over willing the memories of the night when Dan walked out to fade away. But, unlike every other of the last thirty-six nights, tonight when she laid down in her bed the tears never came. She felt heavy and sad. Lonely as ever after Nate had left. But with him, Nate took some of her doubts. He believed in her, so maybe she still had a chance to win her husband back. That night she didn't even try to not let the tears flow. They just didn't.

Nate decided to walk back home. It soothed him, the cold breeze. He figured he'll take a cab when he gets tired. He wanted to go home. Go home and put whatever was stirring inside him to rest. When he first heard about Dan and Serena from Blair, he was in a meeting. He stood up, informed the directors that he had to be somewhere urgent and rushed out of the conference room. It wasn't until he was already halfway to Serena's that he hit the brakes on his car. He realized he just couldn't go. Not with the feelings he had been trying suppress since the last two years. Or maybe since he was five when he caught Serena stealing pop-tarts from the cupboard at three in the morning. He put his head on the steering, eyes closed. He knew Serena would be broken and vulnerable. He also knew that he couldn't trust himself and his feelings. The thought of the possibility of taking advantage of Serena's vulnerability disgusted him. So he turned his car around and raced to Blair and Chuck's.

In the next thirty days to come, Nate was a constant thorn in Chuck's side. He would follow him around and badger him to text her and ask if she was okay. He would force Chuck to call Serena in spite of all logic Chuck tried to present. "Nathaniel, what makes you think she'll answer my forty-eighth call when she has avoided the previous forty-seven?" Nate pretended not to hear him. He kept badgering Chuck until one day Chuck point blank refused. "Have you considered that maybe she wants to be left _alone?_" But Nate knew better. He knew that Serena will alienate herself from everyone and keep berating herself. And if someone doesn't shake her out of it, she'll begin her downward spiral. So Nate did the only thing that made sense. He went to Dan.

Nate figured that if he could persuade Dan to talk his issues out with Serena, he will save her without actually having to see her. To Nate, it was a win-win situation. Besides, how hard was it to convince someone to go back to Serena Van Der Woodsen? Apparently pretty damn hard when it came to her husband. Dan wasn't convinced. He just wouldn't budge. Nate tried everything. He talked to Dan, tried to convince him to talk his issues out with Serena. He explained to him just how much Serena loves him. He politely requested him to at least consider resolving the issues he had with this relationship. He screamed at him to grow a pair and confront the problems their marriage was facing. But Dan Humphrey would just _not_ listen to him. The man had no idea what he was letting go, Nate thought to himself. What wouldn't he give up to be in his position? To call Serena Van Der Woodsen _his_ wife? Nate had no idea what to do next. He can't see her. She has been avoiding Chuck and Blair. And Dan was oblivious to what he had. Perhaps nobody understood his position. Nobody understood what it feels like to know that you can't help the one person you can give up the world for.

Some days it was just too much to take. Days when he would see a seven year old girl with hair, blonde as the sun, playing on the swings and laughing freely, realizing that this was Serena twenty-two years ago. Days when he would see a couple in the bar getting drunk and realizing it was _them._ Days when he would see a girl buying cocaine and feel his bones freeze out of fear. On days like those, Nate cried. He practically _sobbed._ Who would have thought that the almost-mayor of New York City could be this helpless? Until one day Blair Waldorf-Bass came up with the _enlightening _idea. "Oh Nate, why don't you go and see her yourself?" What was he supposed to reply to that? That he was too scared to see her vulnerable because he had no idea how to control his feelings?

"You know I am busy Blair." Blair scoffed in return.

"You sure have enough time to mope about it!" Nate didn't reply. He just got up and prepared to leave. He was almost out of the door when he heard Blair's voice.

"Archibald, I have a feeling you're the only one she won't ignore right now." The pride which he felt after hearing those words scared him.

If it hadn't been for that day when he saw her buying groceries, he might have never found enough courage to meet her. But that day did happen. And he did see her. He saw how thin she had become in just a month and he saw the lines on her forehead. But what really pulled at his gut was the look she carried in her eyes. The look that lonely people carried in theirs. The look which screamed, 'I am not good enough to be loved'. And it was then that Nate decided that he has to just gather enough courage and meet her. Serena didn't deserve that look.

It took him three days to be man enough to grab food from a Chinese restaurant and ring the bell on her door. How hard would it be for _Nate_ to talk to _Serena_? Apparently, this was pretty damn hard too. Although he doesn't know which part. The part where he caught his breath seeing her in crinkled clothes and messed up hair. Or the part where he lied to her about the reason he was so late. The disappointment in her eyes or the sadness in her tone? Maybe it was that hug in the end. The hug that made him realize what he had been missing these past years. Whatever it was, Nate had just spent two and a half emotionally exhausting hours in Serena's presence.

He walked almost six blocks before he took a cab and told the driver the address to his home. It was another fifteen minutes before he reached. Nate unlocked the door to his house and switched on the lights, fully intending to crash on his bed the moment he stepped in. He would have too, had he not found Chuck and Blair in the middle of a _really_ heavy kissing session on the couch.

"Holy cr- "Chuck and Blair broke apart to look at Nate. "What are you two doing here?" Chuck opened his mouth, "No, Chuck. I don't want to know." His friend just smirked in reply.

"Honestly, how old are the two of you? It's one in the morning. You guys have a kid to look after. Come on!" Nate had no idea how was he supposed to react to the surprise visits these two paid to him. "I am regretting giving both of you the keys to this place." Nate muttered.

"How is she?" Blair interrupted him before he can say anything else.

Nate looked at her. "What do you want me to say?" He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Come on Nate, tell me." Blair said rising from the couch and looking him in the eye. "Is she okay?"

"No Blair, she isn't okay. She isn't even close to okay. Her house is a mess, something tells me she hasn't been eating or sleeping well. There are these bags under her eyes. I am pretty sure she has cried herself to sleep every night since he left her, or maybe even before that. She is lonely, Blair, and sad. And I have no idea what to do." Nate told her.

"I guess we are lucky she hasn't hopped onto a train yet, then." said Chuck.

Nate wasn't ready to admit how much this thought had scared him. This idea of her running away. Running away from her problems, from New York, from _him._ Nate shook away the thought. It hadn't happened. And he won't let it, he decided.

"So, what do we do now?" Blair sounded close to tears. Nate looked at her and shrugged.

"I don't know Blair, I really don't know." He sat on the couch, shoulders slumped, defeated.

"You realize you have to see her again, don't you?" Chuck asked him. He felt the weight of his hand on his shoulder. "You're the only one who broke through her defenses after all." Nate looked up and nodded. Of course he had to see her again. After what transpired today, he couldn't leave her to fight her battles alone. No matter how difficult it was for him to be there, it will be _much_ harder on Serena if he isn't, Nate realized.

"You guys should get going. It's getting late and I really want to crash now." Nate told Chuck, rising up.

"I miss her, Nate. I miss my S." Nate turned around to look at Blair. There were tears in her eyes. She moved towards him. "Promise me you'll get her back."

Nate couldn't tell Blair how burdened and scared her words made him. What if he screwed up all of this? What if his feelings for Serena mess this up even more for her? Nate pulled Blair into a hug, needing it just as much as she did. "We'll get her back, Blair." Nate whispered. "We'll get our old Serena back."

"Promise?" Blair asked his against his shoulder.

"I promise." Nate replied, breaking apart and looking her in the eye. Blair smiled in response.

"And now, the two of you should leave. I really _am_ tired." Said Nate

"Bye." Blair said, her hand on his cheek.

"Bye." Nate replied, smiling.

"I'll see you around, then?" Chuck asked, thumping his back. Nate nodded.

That night, Serena Van Der Woodsen-Humphrey didn't cry. She slept in peace in her apartment, knowing that someone cares for her. Knowing, that there was still hope. Knowing, that she could still win her husband back. And knowing that she has the most amazing friend in Nate.

That night, Nate Archibald couldn't sleep no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't get the image of Serena out of his head. The look in her eyes, the hopelessness in her voice. Nate was scared, he really was. What if he becomes the reason for everyone to lose Serena? What if he becomes the reason for _him _to lose Serena? Nate shut his eyes and shook his head. It suddenly felt too warm in his room. He stood up from his bed and went to the restroom. Twisting the knob on the tap, he put his head under it and willed the water to wash everything away. The thoughts, the fears, the regrets and the_ feelings_ he had for Serena. He came out, took off his shirt and threw himself on the bed. Then, he allowed the tears to flow. Yes, Nate Archibald cried the night, that Serena slept peacefully through comforted by him.

Twisting and turning for another seventy minutes, Nate reached a conclusion. It was time to pay Dan Humphrey another visit.

**A/N: Yes, yes I realize, there wasn't _any_ Serenate interaction. Please don't kill me *hides under the bed*. I just felt that it was important to understand Nate's position here. And come on! I gave you a Chuck-Blair-Nate scene and their concern for Serena. And a Nair friendship scene. ALSO, a very shirtless Nate with wet hair, lying on his bed, to think about. The next chapter will be very Serenatey, JUST YOU WAIT :D**

**I LOVE THE REVIEWS YOU GUYS SEND ME. THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY! PLEASE KEEP AT THEM. THEY MAKE ME A HAPPY MONKEY. AND A HAPPY MONKEY IS A GOOD MONKEY.**

**Some concerns shown in the reviews for the second chapter:**

**1) There wasn't enough Serenate interaction in chapter 2: You guys must be feeling like killing me after this one. Baby, if it was up to me, I would have had Nate and Serena on the kitchen counter sharing strawberries and whipped cream (because that scene gives me the shivers, the nice ones). You have no idea how much I restrained myself while writing that chapter. I just figured that Serena still believes in her marriage with Dan and Nate is showing up a month after everything happened, so Serena forgiving him and there being immediate sparks would kinda ruin the dynamic. But I get what you mean. This fic is about to turn Serenatey. I hope you guys like the coming chapters. Iloveyou.**

**2) If Serena will be hung up on Dan for very long: We can hope that Nate doesn't give her the chance to think about Dan all that much :D**

**On a personal note:**

**I read my last A/N and realized that I say "guys" a lot. I should probably stop with that.**

***Some cookies to go with the ice cream because I just watched the kiss from the White Party and I am crying***

**Lastly, Please review and let me know how you found this chapter. Your reviews keep me writing. I love all of you. Each and every one of you. To bits.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Had Gossip Girl been mine, Nate would have received far more importance than he actually did.**

It was at 5.30 that he finally accepted that he wouldn't be getting any sleep. So he got up from his bed, took a shower and changed. He was completely dressed, forty five minutes later, in a pin-stripped grey suit. _Then, _he realized that people like Dan, normal people, didn't show up at their office at this ungodly hour. So he began to pace, and he thought about Serena. He made some coffee, and thought about him and Serena. He paced some more and thought about Dan and Serena. And at 7.00 am Nate was still thinking about Serena. With a jolt Nate realized that Dan leaving Serena had taken a toll on his emotions. He sighed. He decided he needed fresh air to clear his thoughts. He reversed his car out of the garage and made his way over to Dan's. Nate lit a cigarette on the way while he drove. He took in one long puff, and shook his head to clear his mind. Feeling the smoke escape his lungs he tried to arrange his thought. _What will he say to Dan this time?_

He reached Dan's office around 8.00. After Dan made his way into UES after Gossip Girl, there was no looking back for him. Nate genuinely admired what Dan had done from himself. From an ordinary guy in Brooklyn to the most outspoken political critic and journalist must have been a hell of a ride. Nate smiled – he was truly proud of him. He walked over to the reception, to be greeted by his secretary.

"Back again, Mr. Archibald?" she asked, attempting to look nonchalant.

"Hey Eileen, I need to meet Dan." Nate replied shortly.

Eileen prayed that the blush on her neck wasn't too visible.

"I am sorry, Mr. Archibald. He wouldn't be showing up for at least another hour. You could however take a seat." Eileen figured it would be a field day on which she can stare at Nate Archibald all she wanted for an entire _hour_.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks." Nate made his way towards the couch. He had a _fine_ backside, Eileen noticed. She continued to notice several other fine things about one Mr. Archibald for the next hour. The field day was interrupted by the arrival of her boss.

"What, the seventh time Nate?" Dan asked when he saw him rise from the couch.

"Dan, you need to listen to me!" Nate approached.

"My office it is then." Dan led the way to his office. It was a huge cabin, with a Mahogany table in the center and a revolving chair behind it. The wall that faced the door was covered in books. Dan took his place on the revolving seat and motioned Nate to take a seat opposite.

"So, I assume we are here to discuss my love life?" Dan questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"Your _married_ life." Nate corrected.

"Look Nate, I have no idea why are we discussing this _again._ You know my reply. I don't plan on going back." Dan said, almost as if the whole idea of going back and fixing his married life was ridiculous.

"How can you just dismiss all of this like that, Dan? She's your _wife_. You have been married for two years. We aren't in high school anymore mate, you just can't break-up and move on." Nate tried to reason.

"That is what bothers me Nate. Sometimes I think we are still at the stage where one of us would just like to break up. Maybe we weren't prepared for this. The marriage you know? Maybe we rushed into all of this." Dan admitted.

All Nate could do was stare at him. Was Dan Humphrey saying that he regretted getting married to Serena? How can a man regret marrying Serena?Serena Van Der Woodsen, the woman who stole so many hearts all across Manhattan. Serena Van Der Woodsen, the personification of perfect. How can a man regret being the central person in her life?

He voiced his exact thoughts. "Dan, are you trying to tell me that you think marrying Serena was a mistake?"

"If I say no, I might be lying. And I don't want to do that Nate." Dan replied, suddenly very fascinated by the paper weight on his desk.

"Are you sure you know what you're talking about? She loves you Dan! You're the only person she has ever felt so strongly for. You proposed to her didn't you? Then how can you back out like that?" Nate questioned bewildered and well, scared. Scared of what Dan Humphrey was admitting. How will he ever convince him if he thinks the marriage itself was a mistake? How will he deal with Serena once she finds out about this?

"I am not sure I even wanted to propose." Dan admitted. It felt good. Getting this off his chest after almost two years. He needed to tell someone! And who better than Nate? "Look Nate, she's great all right – "

"Just not great enough to stay married to?" Nate interrupted.

"Maybe. Honestly Nate, she's obsessed with this idea of a perfect marriage. The perfect curtains and the wooden floors. Long walks on the beach and candle-light dinners. And I've tried explaining to her that this is reality. It doesn't happen that way in the real world. Things change after getting married. She just doesn't understand. Sometimes I feel that the only reason I even proposed to her is because _she wanted me to._" Dan reasoned.

"But you knew about this all along. You knew she was a romantic even if she doesn't admit it. And as far as I remember you _enjoyed_ the candle light dinners and the long walks. So what changed after the wedding?" Nate was desperate now. Desperate for him to understand that all of this might just kill Serena.

"Because after we got married all this romance felt like a compulsion to me! Nate, I don't want to be that boy from Brooklyn who made it to the UES never to be heard of again. Now that I am here, I want to prove I _deserve_ it. I want to make myself _the_ Dan Humphrey. I want people to remember me for my hard work and determination. I want the power and the status people fear and lust after, Nate. I want it." Dan let Nate know.

"And you're ready to sacrifice the person who loved you when you weren't all this?" Nate asked with disbelief. "Dan, look I understand what you're talking about. I have seen people there. But Dan, this tryst with power; it doesn't last. This leaves you lonely as ever. Trust me when I say this man, you don't want that. You do not want to lose your marriage for this."

"Well, I'll just hope my tryst lasts." Dan replied.

The two men stared at each other. "I guess we don't have anything else to say to each other then." Dan concluded.

"I guess we don't." Nate said standing up. "I'll take your leave then."

Dan nodded. They exchanged a firm handshake and Nate walked out of Dan's office more hopeless about this entire situation than ever.

Getting into his car, Nate only thought of Serena and seven years ago when she had ran out on them because Dan had rejected her. He massaged his forehead, and dialed up someone on his cell phone.

"Hannah, call off all my meetings for the day. I won't be coming in." He informed his secretary. With that, he drove off to Serena's.

Serena heard her doorbell ring, and got up from her bed. Cursing whoever was at the other end. What does a self-pitying woman has to do to get some peace around here? Tying the knot of her gown she made her way towards her entrance door, opening it to reveal Nate.

"Thank God. I have been ringing the bell for the past half hour!" Nate said stepping in.

Serena glanced at the clock. "It's _10.30_! What are you doing here?" Serena asked exasperated.

"It's _10.30_ Serena, what are you doing in bed?" Nate asked, careful to use the same tone as hers.

"Don't you have to be at work or something, you busy _busy_ man?" She asked irritated.

"Oh, I figured you're more important." He replied nonchalantly. Serena had no idea what pact Nate had signed which made him say everything that she once wanted Dan to say. Having no idea what to do, she made to move towards her bedroom. "I am sleeping Nate. You can leave… Or make yourself comfortable. Whatever suits you." Serena called behind her. Serena got comfortable in her blankets smiling. Nate Archibald does that to her, she noticed.

"Oh no, you don't." Serena pulled the covers over her head at Nate's voice. "Get up S! Come on." Next thing Serena knew she was sitting upright on her bed, Nate's arms supporting her weight and a toothbrush in her mouth. "Right come on! Brush up."

"What is wrong with you?" Serena moaned, pulling the toothbrush out of her mouth. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, only to see Nate opening up the wardrobe.

"No, Nate!" Serena got up at record speed from her bed and rushed towards her wardrobe. "You never open a girl's cupboard! Don't you know?" Serena rambled panicky. Toothpaste spitting out of her mouth, her hair disheveled and eyes wide. Nate burst out laughing.

"That's what it takes to have you up and running?" Nate said between his laughter. Serena fumed and turned back.

"Oh, get lost! Go back home." Serena said.

"No no, come here." Nate held Serena's hand and pulled her back. Serena crashed against his chest and instinctively his arms wound around Serena's waist to make her stay. And for that moment, Nate felt his heartbeat stop.

He turned her around to look in the full-length mirror. And there she was, in her sea-green nightie, toothpaste spilling from her mouth, and golden hair in knots and Nate, clad in his grey suit smiling over her shoulder. And Serena couldn't help it, she laughed. She laughed so hard, she felt her stomach hurt. And Nate laughed alongside, because Serena was laughing, and he could feel the vibrations of her body near his heart and there was life in her eyes and because _everything in the world was right because Serena was happy._

Serena laughed until she began choking on her toothpaste. Nate suddenly stopped and rubbed her back. "Are you okay? Serena? " Serena rushed to the washroom and spitted her toothpaste out. Rinsing her mouth over and over, till the coughing stopped. She turned around, her eyes bloodshot.

"Oh my God, Serena, are you okay?" Nate came to the restroom door.

"I am fine. Now, if you leave I can change." Serena told him.

"Promise you won't go to bed?" Nate asked.

"Oh, I don't think I can get any sleep now." Serena told him, turning him around and slowly walking him out of her bedroom, her hands on his back. "Oh by the way, I am not dressing to impress." Serena informed him.

"Good, I wasn't planning to take you out anyway." Nate replied.

After pushing him out, Serena locked the door to her room and turned away smiling. Nate really did make her smile for no reason. She had no idea why Nate hadn't shown up earlier, but now when he was here, Serena felt better than she had felt in the last year with her marriage on the rocks like that. And Serena was clueless how Nate managed to do that.

Nate opened the fridge in her kitchen and took out a water bottle. Unscrewing the cap, he took a large gulp directly from it. Nate shook his head. His heart is not supposed to stop when he touches Serena. But, right then, with Serena in her nightwear and sleep in her eyes, and Nate dressed in his suit, standing in front of the mirror like that with her back pressed against his front and his hand on her waist, Nate wished he could have had that every morning.

"_She's in love with Dan, she's married to Dan!"_ A voice in his head chided him. Dan clearly doesn't know what he's giving up, Nate decided right there.

Fifteen minutes later, when Serena came out freshly showered, Nate was sitting on the couch, aimlessly switching the channels on the television. Clad in a long-sleeve button-down shirt and dark blue denim shorts, her golden hair tied up in a messy bun. Nate just stared at her as she made her way over to the kitchen. He silently cursed whatever higher power resided up there, because sure as hell, it was out to get him.

"So, why are you here?" Serena's voice broke his trance. She was still in the kitchen.

"Well, you know, to beg for forgiveness." Nate replied from the couch.

Serena came out and stood at the doorway, hands on her hips. "Begging won't get you anywhere Archibald."

"Well, in that case, I will grovel." Nate said, taking his cell-phone out from his pocket.

"Who're you calling?" Serena asked him curious, moving forward towards the couch.

"Cleaning service." Nate replied, distracted by his phone.

"Why?" Serena looked at him confused.

Nate got up from where he was seated, grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. "That's why." He whispered in her ear. And _then_ Serena noticed. Her house was a mess. It definitely needed some dusting. Which reminded Serena, she needed to do some laundry as well. And the trash needed to be taken out and the fridge needed re-stocking. Her eyes grew wide

"Oh." Serena replied, reality dawning on her. Nate chuckled, she really was adorable. He was about to dial up the cleaning service when she stopped him. "Oh no, don't call up anyone. I like to clean up this place on my own." Nate kept his phone in his pocket. "In fact, I will re-arrange it a bit while I am at it." Serena told him.

"So, I go near the wardrobe and you are ready to take a _shower,_ I start calling up a cleaning service and you're ready to _rearrange_ the entire place. A bit intense aren't we?" Nate said teasing.

Serena threw him her most seductive look and moved forward. "You have no idea what you do to me, Nate Archibald." Nate stood there, dumbstruck until Serena rolled her eyes and turned away. Nate looked up towards the ceiling. That higher power was truly testing his will today.

"I really thought me helping you out yesterday with the dishes would've given you a hint." Nate called after her. Praying that this would make him seem unaffected by what just happened.

And so they began cleaning. Nate grabbed the vacuum and Serena, the duster. Beginning from the living room, Serena busied herself in cleaning up the windows while Nate, took off his coat and tie, unbuttoned the first two buttons on his shirt and got working on the carpet. It was hard work for the next twenty minutes for Nate Archibald; poor soul has never cleaned up his own cupboard, let alone an entire living room. Serena was still dusting the decorative pieces on when he got done with his work. She was sitting on her knees on a chair, her back facing him. Nate sneaked behind her, and traced the sole of her exposed foot with his forefinger. Serena shrieked, lost her balance and fell from the chair on her bum. She looked up to see Nate holding his sides and doubling in laughter. She kicked him in the shins hard, causing him to fall next to her. "You're a prat." She muttered. But even she couldn't hide the smile that was creeping up on her face.

It was a while in the bedroom before Serena could stop Nate from bouncing on her bed. According to Nate, it wasn't his fault, the mattress was bouncy.

"What are you? Four?" Serena asked him.

He was on both his knees, facing her when he replied, "What are you? Sixty-four?" He looked like a little kid then. Just like when they were seven and Serena would come to his place because her Mom was out with her new boyfriend and she was fretting about it. And Nate would look her in the eyes and tell her that she was just seven and too young to worry about her mom and whoever she was dating. Serena felt herself tear up from nostalgia. He was always her rock. She ruffled his hair.

"But, really come on! Get up, I'll just straighten up my sheets and the wardrobe and then we're finally done." She informed him.

"Okay." Nate muttered, moving off the bed. Serena smiled at him. Leaning across the bed, she attempted to straighten the pillow, her shirt rising up to reveal her milky back and her shorts tightening, defining the curves of her body. Nate suddenly felt too warm in the room but he just couldn't take her eyes off her. "Err… " he began, "I think I should order some lunch. What do you want to eat?" He asked her moving out from the room as fast as his feet could carry him.

"Oh, I don't know. Some pizza will do." He heard her call. Once in the living room, Nate let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He grabbed hold of his hair. "_She loves someone else. She'll hate you if she finds out about this. Get your shit together Archibald!" _He told himself. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of her hands and ordered the pizza.

It was three in the evening when Nate and Serena were finally done cleaning up. They had had their lunch, cleaned up after it and were lounging in front of the television. When Serena began, "You know, I still need to restock my fridge."

"Yes, because obviously there is no tomorrow and we have to do everything today to survive the zombie attack about to occur." Nate said.

Serena chuckled. "Grade eight level lame Archibald." She informed him.

"You laughed." Nate accused.

"Yes, at the lameness of it." Serena defended.

"Oh forgive my sense of humor if it was unable to please you after three hours of extremely hard work." Nate complained.

"Oh don't be such a rich spoiled brat." Serena berated.

"Serena, I _am _a rich spoiled brat. I was _born_ a rich spoiled brat." Nate reminded her. "But really, come on. I am tired. We can go shopping tomorrow." Nate really wished he would've caught some sleep last night. The tiredness was catching up on him right now.

"I'll make you some coffee then." Serena offered.

"Oh, no! We can go out and get some. Besides, you really need to leave this place." Nate told her.

"I thought you were tired." Serena raised an eyebrow.

"For grocery shopping. Not for coffee." Nate told her. "Come on. Get changed, I am waiting here for you."

"Okay, then. Give me fifteen minutes." Serena told him getting up from the couch. Nate nodded.

When Serena came out, dressed in a red knee-length dress and hair tied up in a pony-tail, she found Nate sprawled on her couch. His eyes closed, and his shirt rising just a tiny bit, so you could see the hair near his navel. He looked so innocent. Serena couldn't take his eyes off him. He was always good-looking, the type of good-looking which made girls blush and their knees buckle. But right now, he looked at peace. He looked so serene. Serena suddenly caught hold of her thoughts. Perhaps you fantasize just about anyone when you're left alone for too long, Serena tried to reason with herself.

"Nate." She called. When he didn't move, she shook him a little on the shoulder. That caused Nate to open his eyes.

"Oh, you're ready." He noticed. "Come on, let's go." He said rising up.

"Are you sure?" Serena asked him gently. "I mean, you look kind of tired Nate. You should get some rest." Serena said.

"Oh, I am fine." Come on lets go, he said wearing his coat.

"Are you sure?" Serena asked him again.

"Yes, Serena. I am fine." Nate told her helping her put on _her_ coat.

"Okay then, let's go." Serena gave in.

Once they were outside the house, Nate moved towards his car. "No." Serena held his wrist. "Let's just walk." She said.

"Alright." Honestly, Nate would've agreed to anything then, he was concentrating too much on his the feel of her hand on his wrist to think of anything else.

It was a cloudy day and the breeze was cool and crisp. They walked until they reached _Viand Coffee Shop._ They went inside and took their seat near the window. The waiter handed them the menu cards. Nate ordered an espresso and Serena a latte.

"So, what has been happening in your life lately?" Serena questioned him when the waiter left.

"Oh, my life is pretty boring Van Der Woodsen. It wouldn't interest you." Nate told him, lighting up a cigarette.

"I have no idea where you picked _that_ habit Archibald. But it's a nasty one." Serena said, crinkling her nose.

"Cut me some slack, there is only so much lonely success a man can take." Nate replied smiling, taking in a puff.

"So why are you lonely?" Serena asked. "Nate, sometimes I feel, I don't get you the way, you do me. Are you hiding something from me?"

Nate shifted in his seat. "Of course not, S. What will I ever hide from you?" Nate lied though his teeth. Because really, what was he supposed to reply to that? _I am completely in love with you and even though I want to fix everything in your life, I am_ _scared that my feelings will end up making your situation worse. _Nate had a feeling that, that conversation wouldn't go down too well. So he looked in her eyes with complete confidence and he lied.

"So, you'll answer whatever I ask you?" Serena began.

"Shoot away." Nate replied, taking in another puff.

"Okay, so why have you been single for the last two years?" Serena asked, "I mean that surely is a record for Nate Archibald." She smiled.

"Didn't find anyone who was able to hold my gaze." Nate replied shortly.

"Oh but come on! You're the most eligible bachelor in Manhattan; surely girls will be falling left and right trying to impress you." Serena rambled excited. "I mean no one is asking you to fall completely and irrevocably in love with someone. But you know you could have a little fun, wipe out the loneliness." Serena suggested.

Oh but he was the most eligible bachelor in Manhattan, and he did fall irrevocably in love with a girl. And while girls were falling left and right trying to impress him, that one girl, sitting right across him had no idea what she did to him. Nate almost laughed at his situation. "I don't know Serena, I am not sure I want an arm candy anymore." He said, sighing. "Besides, work keeps me busy."

"If work keeps you so busy, and you're so in love with it, why didn't you run for mayor? I mean not even thirty and asked to run for mayor. That's big Nate." Serena told him, pride evident in her voice. It was her Natie that New York looked up to.

"I don't know, I always thought that politics was more Van Der Built than Archibald." Nate shrugged.

"Well, fair enough." Serena reasoned. "But being single is _not _Archibald! Come on Nate. No one caught your eye?" Serena insisted.

Nate was allowed a breath of relief when the waiter brought their order. "You are more interested in my love life than the press I have to face Serena." Nate told her smiling. "And that is quite a bit."

"So, tell me the _real_ reason. I won't badger you then, promise." Serena said taking a sip from her cup.

Nate extinguished his cigarette and took a sip from his own coffee. "Well, I don't know, I just thought that you should _know_ when that person is sitting in front of you." Nate began not taking his eyes off Serena. "There should be electricity and sparks. You should get giddy when you see them, and there should be butterflies in your stomach. They should take your breath away in ways no one ever has." Nate rambled on staring at Serena. "I haven't found someone like that yet." _At least someone other than you. _Nate thought.

Serena let out a little laugh. "But that doesn't happen, Nate. I mean even I thought it did but Dan taught me that all that stuff, it just happens in crappy romance novels. And _this_ is real life." Serena told him with the air of someone who has truly seen such romanticism fall apart. Experienced it, in fact.

"So maybe, Dan has it all wrong." Nate told Serena, "Because it's supposed to be exactly the way it's in those crappy romance novels."

"Maybe it's supposed to be that way, but it isn't Nate." Serena almost whispered, her eyes looking downwards while she took a sip from her coffee.

"Oh, I can assure you, it is." Nate said confidently. Because he had felt it. All of it, with her. _For her._

"It isn't." Serena kept insisting. Because she thought she feels it for Dan and he feels it for her too. She has never been more wrong.

"What if I prove it to you?" Nate challenged, too focused on proving his unknown feelings for Serena to actually care what he was proposing. "What if I took you out on a perfect date and prove to you that the stuff in those romantic novels actually does happen?"

"Well, if you do that then I'll do whatever you want me to." Serena told him, confident that he will fail.

"Anything?" Nate asked raising his eyebrows.

"Anything." Serena assured him. "What if you fail though?"

"I won't." Nate informed her.

"Oh, don't be so arrogant. What will you do if you're proven wrong?" Serena asked him.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Nate questioned.

"If you lose, I want you to quit smoking." Serena declared.

"All right then, Van Der Woodsen. You've got yourself a deal."

"All right Archibald, you've got yourself a date."

And they shook on it.

It began to rain when they made their way out of the café. And it wasn't a light drizzle, it was _rain; heavy rain._ Heavy enough to drench both of them within seconds. "Come on! Let's go to my place" Nate shouted over the tattoo of the water drops pounding on the pavement. "It's closer." Serena nodded and both of them sprinted to his place. Nate holding Serena's hand throughout the way in case she slipped. _Just like in those crappy romance novels._

Nate unlocked the entrance door and both of them rushed in. He switched on the lights and turned around to see Serena taking off her coat. Her wet dress clung to her body in all the right places. Nate let out a sigh, _Dear Lord she was beautiful._ Nate cleared his throat causing Serena to look up, "You should change, you'll catch a cold otherwise" _And I will lose all the patience a man can have, _thought Nate.

"All right." Serena agreed.

Ten minutes later, Nate was dressed in a plain white, half sleeve shirt and black sweatpants. He was busy working on his files, there was a new sponsorship deal coming up for _The New York Spectator._ He was halfway through the second page, when he heard a door close. He looked up to see Serena in his black button down shirt and boxers, her blonde hair left loose. He immediately cursed the moment he suggested that she should change.

"Look what I found Archibald." Serena said lifting up a packet. "To think they wanted you to be mayor!" She said, pretending to be exasperated. Nate looked closer; it was a packet of weed he had confiscated from one of his teenage interns at the office.

"There is a reason I rejected that offer. Too much Van Der Built." He smirked moving towards her.

"And we all know this is classic Archibald." Serena teased.

Nate let out a snort. "It's not mine." He clarified.

"Of course, I believe you." She replied smiling.

"No, I am serious." Nate defended. "It's really not mine."

"Well, are you planning it to return it?" Serena asked, side stepping him and walking into his living room.

"No, why do you ask?" Nate asked confused.

"Because I think we could have a little fun." Serena squealed.

"Oh no! We're not smoking that Serena." Nate told her.

"Oh, really? What are you? Sixty-four?" She said repeating his words from earlier in the day.

Nate let out a laugh. "Come on Serena! What has gotten into you?" he asked, extending his hand so that she could return him the packet.

She pulled her hand closer to her body. "I don't know." She said laughing. And she really didn't. She didn't know how she had gone from mourning her almost broken marriage to wanting to get high with his best friend in a span of twenty four hours. Maybe because he was there for in ways nobody was. Or maybe because he told her that she was important to him. Or maybe because he made her _feel_ important. Or she thinks it had something to do with his lame jokes and his carefree nature. Or how he always thought about her before he thought about himself. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that his presence alone could cheer her up. Maybe it was the look in his eyes when he talked to her. Whatever it was, Serena figured, it was good. It made her feel good, hopeful about everything around her. It made her feel like a child allowed to make mistakes because someone will take care of them. _Nate _will take care of them, _of her._

"Serena, we're not smoking that up." Nate said moving closer, putting a stop to Serena's pondering.

"Oh, you don't have to smoke it." Said Serena, moving towards the kitchen. Nate followed her inside. "All right, we need some eggs, oil, flour, sugar and cocoa powder." Serena said rummaging through his cupboards.

"Are you making hash brownies?" Nate asked, not believing the girl standing in front of him.

"You will enjoy them." And so Serena began to beat and whip and mix and pour, while Nate watched her. He remembered the last time they were in the kitchen, with her wearing his shirt. The breakfast and the whipped cream and the strawberries. It all came rushing back to him, hitting him hard in the stomach. _He should've stopped her,_ he realized for the umpteenth time. _He shouldn't have let her go._

"They're ready!" Serena announced, turning away from the oven to face him. Nate looked at her and began to laugh. "What?" She asked confused.

"You have the batter all over your face." Nate told her grabbing a napkin from the counter. "Come here." He took hold of her hand and pulled her towards him proceeding to wipe off the batter from her cheeks, her forehead and her upper lips. Serena continued to look at him from under her lashes. "There!" he said. "You're good."

Serena took the brownies from the oven and offered him some. When Nate took some, she chose a piece for herself and raised it in a toast. "Cheers." She said before she bit into one. Nate took a bite of his piece as well. They were _good_.

"Wow, Serena. Where did you learn to bake so well?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh I used to bake for Dan." She told him. Nate wished he never asked.

But they were good. So he took a second piece and she took a third one. He took the fourth piece and she, the fifth. They continued taking until all that was left on the plate were the crumbs and all you could hear in the house was the laughter of two very high twenty-nine year old adults.

"Come on!" Serena insisted after finishing her last piece. "Let's go." She said taking Nate's hand and walking to the door.

"Where are we going?" Nate asked laughing and allowing her to carry him along.

"Oh this place, I really want to go to." Apparently that was a good enough answer. So Nate Archibald and Serena Van Der Woodsen were seen running on the streets of the Upper East Side in inappropriate clothing. They ran and they walked and they laughed and they talked until they reached Serena's destination.

"Isn't this Dan's office?" Nate asked her once they were standing in front of the building.

"Oh yes, it is." Serena informed him. "And that," she said, pointing towards the only window with the light switched on, "is Dan's cabin."

"Serena why are we here?" Nate asked her, suddenly not so high anymore.

"I saw you shove a pen in your pocket when I entered the living room." She said, disregarding his question. "I want it."

Nate took out the pen and handed it to her. She looked around on the street and noticed a discarded tissue paper. She picked it up and began to write on it. "Serenaaaa." Nate moaned in a sing-song voice. "What is this? Romeo and Juliet?" Nate asked.

"Oh no." Serena began to laugh. "This is much _much_ better." she told him. Nate looked down to see what she was writing and began to laugh the moment he saw it. "_You know you love me, xoxo Gossip Girl." _It read. Serena wrapped the paper around a rock and chucked it in the direction of Dan's window, effectively breaking the glass. By the time Dan Humphrey looked down from his window to see who has disturbed him from his work, Serena and Nate had run away laughing.

"I feel so free Natie! I feel so alive." Serena told Nate, walking two steps ahead of him her arms wide open. "I FEEL ALIVE!" she screamed for New York to hear. Nate just laughed walking behind her.

"Come on Nate! Don't be such a bore!" Serena chided. It was as if they were six again. A careful Nate and a carefree Serena. "Don't you feel alive and happy and giddy?" He did. With her so happy, he felt everything. "I do." Nate replied. "I FEEL HAPPY BECAUSE YOU FEEL HAPPY!" Nate screamed at her. New York rung with the sound of these two souls laughing. Two souls who were so right for each other, yet so wrong. Serena laughed and Nate hummed and New York witnessed. Serena tripped and Nate caught her at the waist and New York witnessed. They made their way over to Nate's house with his arm around her waist and her arms around his' and New York witnessed. Witnessed and hoped that these two would find their way to each other just like they did when they met for the very first time at the age of five.

They finally reached home, laughing and very proud of what they had just done. "Natie." Serena spoke up.

Nate turned his head to look at her, "What?" he asked.

"My feet hurt." She told him. "Carry me" she raised both her hands in the air.

And he did what she said. Because Nate always did what Serena asked him to do. He hooked one arm under her knees and used the other arm to support her shoulders and carried her to his room. Gently placing her on his bed, he began to cover her up with the blanket. "But I am not sleepy!" Serena complained.

"You're not?" Nate asked her with wide eyes.

"No! I don't want to sleep." Serena said.

"Alright then. What do you want to do?" Nate asked her, his face mere centimeters away from hers.

Serena pointed to his LCD. "I want to watch the telly."

"Oh alright." He switched on the television and handed her the remote. Nate was about to make his way outside his room when he heard Serena's voice.

"Where are you going?" she demanded.

"Outside, I'll crash in my guest room tonight." He said.

"Come back Natie, don't leave me alone." And there was more to it than the weed talking. He saw tears in her eyes. She was actually scared of him walking out on her. He quickly made his way over to her on the bed and surrounded her fragile body with his strong arms.

"Don't worry, S. I am here as long as you want me to." He promised her.

"Good." Serena said, against her chest as she began switching through the channels. She kept on switching them until she saw something which made her eyes wide and her mouth formed an _O _out of glee.

"_WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?"_

"SPONGEBOB SQUARE-PANTS!" Nate and Serena sang along.

For the next hour they watched Spongebob with more interest that they have ever watched news. They laughed at Patrick and Spongebob and Squidward and all the nonsense that happened on the show. They watched and they laughed and they caught sexual innuendoes, in a seemingly innocent cartoon series.

_"F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for you and me. N is for anywhere and anytime at all down_ _here in the deep blue seeaaa!"_

"Serena!" Nate said, his entire body vibrating with laughter. "This is not appropriate for children." He informed her.

Serena nodded, tears of mirth in her eyes. She picked up Nate's phone and continued to dial.

"Who're you calling?" Nate asked her. She didn't reply. Whoever Serena was calling apparently didn't pick up at the other end and Serena had no choice but to leave a message.

"Blair, I know Henry watches _Spongebob Square Pants._ It's bad Balir! It's really bad!" Serena said in the phone, as if she had just discovered a new conspiracy theory regarding 9/11. Beside her, Nate held his sides and laughed. "I am serious Blair! They talk about his thing. His _thing! _Don't let Henry watch it! It's bad." Serena kept the phone down to see Nate still laughing.

"Oh don't laugh!" She chastised him. "I did the responsible thing here! Blair should know what her child watches!" She said defending her actions.

"Serena, you basically informed Blair that Chuck Bass's son watches a cartoon show!" Nate told her. "He's Chuck's son Serena!" Nate reminded her, shaking her a little. "I am pretty sure, he has already seen much worse."

At this Serena's eyes grew wide and she began to laugh. "Oh my God! Blair will be so annoyed when she listens to that voicemail!" Serena said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "You know, Chuck once told me that he had been part of a threesome." Serena told him.

"Oh not once!" Nate replied.

"Really?" Serena asked surprised. Nate nodded. There was a pause before – "I want to have a threesome!" Serena said.

Nate spluttered. "No you don't." He let her know.

"But I want to know what it feels like! Even Dan had one!" Cried Serena.

"What it feels like for a girl?" Nate pretended to mull it over "Well, it's like, you know – " and Nate began to make some extremely obscene gestures here.

"Eww! No Natie!" Serena said shoving him in the shoulder. Nate tried to steady himself and grabbed hold of her waist. But he ended up falling on his back anyway taking Serena with him so that she lied on top of him.

"What?" Nate tried to defend himself "You asked me what would it feel like!"

"But, that's disgusting!" Serena told him. "Change of plans all right? I don't want one."

"Good." Replied Nate shortly. Enjoying the weight of her body, numbing his.

"Nate, have you been ever part of a threesome?" Serena asked him, curious.

"Oh yes!" Nate replied. "With you and Blair for the longest of time. Boy! That really screwed me." Nate said reminiscing.

"Tell me I was better!" He heard Serena say. Nate burst out laughing. That was the last thing he had expected to come out of her mouth. "No Nate! Come on. I was better wasn't I?"

Nate looked straight into her eyes, brushed her hair away from her face, before he whispered, "You were always better."

Serena smiled and kissed him on the nose. She settled herself against him and put her head on his chest.

"Nate?" Serena whispered after a while.

"Hmm?" Nate murmured sleepily.

"You're forgiven." These were the last words Serena said before she drifted into a deep peaceful sleep.

The next morning, Blair Waldorf-Bass rushed to Nate's house because she had received a voice-mail from Serena, that was so _Serena_ and she had received it from Nate's phone. So Nate definitely had some explaining to do. She unlocked his apartment with the spare keys he had given to her and Chuck. Walking inside the house she called for Nate, never to receive a reply. She knocked on his bedroom door and then quietly opened it when she didn't hear anything from inside the room. There, on the bed, she saw Serena clad in Nate's clothes sleeping peacefully with her back pressed against his front and Nate's arms protectively placed around her waist. Blair smiled.

**A/N: All right. So this is probably the longest chapter of this story. I am sorry I didn't update sooner. I had an exam yesterday morning and a flight to catch in the evening. So I was super busy. I hope I have given you guys a chapter worth the wait. **

**Also, oh my God! You guys are such cute little bunnies. But I actually did not receive any hate. I actually received two very nice reviews by some upset Serenate fans (Like myself) who wanted more Serenate interaction. It wasn't hate mail, just very nice genuine reviews. So I just thought I should clear that up. But it was nice to see you guys getting all defensive at the thought that someone sent me hate. Thanks you guys! Also, I hope this had enough Serenate to make you guys happy and compensate for the late update. **

**KEEP REVIEWING YOU GUYS! HONEST REVIEWS! BECAUSE THEY KEEP ME GOING. I LOVE THEM.**

**And well one reviewer actually deserves a shout out here because they have been sending me the most adorable and animated reviews. So here's to sweetlemonrain. Baby, if we ever meet you won't be clinging to my legs. We will be clinging to each other while we eat ice cream and watch Nate punch Tripp. BECAUSE THAT WAS THE SEXIEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN GOSSIP GIRL (ALONG WITH NATE PUNCHING DAN). **

**Okay, I hope the reasons I gave for Dan walking out on Serena weren't too bland. Because I honestly imagined this is what Dan will become. Since he was so driven to get power and status and all that stuff. So there!**

**Hopefully you enjoyed the Serenate interactions. And yes, there is a Nate/Serena date coming up as promised in the chapter. But don't expect it in the next one. Or you know... maybe the one after that too. It will take some time.**

**Also, I am sorry for any grammatical errors. It's four in the morning here and this chapter is pretty long so I am pretty sure you would have found quite a few. I am sorry. I will correct them as soon as possible.**

**Next: I am thinking of raising the rating to M, because of that threesome talk (hehe). So let me know if you guys got uncomfortable or something. I'll change that.**

**Lastly: Merry Christmas guys! Have a great one :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: If Gossip Girl had been mine, Gossip Girl/Serena wouldn't have been the ultimate ship.**

"You have some explaining to do, Archibald." Nate turned around to see Blair standing in the doorway of his kitchen.

"You need to stop sneaking in on me like that." Nate replied, closing the door of his fridge.

Blair disregarded his request. "I was here in the morning Nate. You were asleep." she clarified, raising her eyebrows. Nate just threw a confused look in response, eyebrows scrunched. "Oh, Nate! I came here in the morning to find you asleep with _Serena_!"

Nate choked on the water he had just sipped in. "What?!"

"Oh don't try to look so innocent Archibald. Did you, or did you not sleep with Serena last night?"

"Yes, I did sleep with her last night." Nate replied. Blair's smile stretched across her face at hearing this. "But that is all that we did. We slept. Closed our eyes and fell unconscious." He further clarified.

"Oh whatever did you think was I implying?" Blair replied airily, smile still in place.

"No, Blair. This isn't right okay? She's married. And she loves her husband." Nate said. "Going around with implications like those will truly hurt her. She isn't even completely recovered yet, I wouldn't want her going downhill again. So no more jokes like these, all right?"

Blair nodded in understanding. "So, I gather you still haven't told her you love her?" She asked conversationally.

"What is wrong with you?" Nate just looked at her exasperated.

"Oh really Nate! I believe you when you say that nothing happened between the two of you last night. But do you really want me to believe that you have no feelings for her whatsoever?" Blair almost shrieked.

Nate didn't know what had given Blair the idea. He had tried to hide his feelings so well, he thought he had succeeded. But then again, this was Blair Waldorf, nothing ever gets past her. Nate shook his head. Maybe, she is just probing him, he figured. Maybe this is just a wild guess on her part. His best shot right now, was to keep denying it.

"Blair, I have no clue how you reached that conclusion. But Serena and I are just really good friends and it ends at that." Nate replied, with all the confidence he could have mustered at that point. Blair just raised an eyebrow in response with her hands folded across her chest. "Really come on Blair! Don't look at me like that." Nate said and began to rummage through his fridge to find something to eat.

"You're really going with that story Nate?" He heard Blair speak. He could hear the challenge in her tone. A challenge to continue lying to her. Nate looked up and pulled his most innocent face before he nodded in affirmative.

"It's not a story; it's just how things are." He took out an apple and was about to bite into it when out of no-where Blair snatched it away from him. He looked at Blair, annoyed. "What? Let me eat in peace. Go away." He complained, reaching for his fruit.

"We were nine years old when I first asked you about your feelings for Serena and you lied to me about them." Blair began. "Honestly Nate, of all the people, you think Blair Waldorf wouldn't figure out what you feel for Serena. I knew you loved her even before you did! And that was back when were nine! And here we are twenty years later and you still think it is a good idea to lie to me about your feelings for Serena?" Nate looked at Blair, dumbstruck after her speech. She stood there with his apple in her hands, her chest heaving and her face indignant.

"Blair – " Nate began.

"Do you love Serena?" Blair interrupted.

"Look, it's not that simple all right?" Nate said.

"Yes it is, it's a very simple "yes" or "no" question." Blair replied.

"No, I don't." Nate replied.

"You don't what?" Blair asked him.

"I don't love Serena" Nate said, not looking Blair in the eye.

After trying to convince everyone for all these years, Nate thought it would ease the pain of saying this. He thought it wouldn't rip at his heart to lie every time about his feelings. Oh, but it did. His stomach lurched and his insides ached whenever he said those four words. Because, of all the lies Nate Archibald has ever spoken in his life, this was perhaps the one that burdened him the most. Because this was the lie that challenged his entire existence. He knew deep down that there was no Nate Archibald without Serena Van Der Woodsen even if she didn't need _him_ to live. But he had lied to himself for so long that somewhere along the way he started to believe that he had convinced himself. He hadn't.

"You don't love Serena? So you'll go torture Chuck and I for absolutely anyone? And you will cry the night any girl gets married? Oh don't look at me like that! I knew!" She added at Nate's surprised look. "And you will just ignore the world because of one person of no significant importance? So anytime a husband walks out on his wife, you go to him so they could sort things out? So you can cheat on your girlfriend with almost anyone in a bar during a wedding?" Blair ended.

"Wow, Blair. I didn't know you were still hung up on that." Nate tried to change the topic. It was a weak attempt, even he knew that. Blair Waldorf-Bass has found out and there was no convincing her otherwise.

"Don't you dare change the topic, Nate!" Blair said. "You love her more than Dan does. You love her more than you ever loved me. And you love her in ways you will never love anyone else." She informed him. "You, Nate Archibald, are whipped."

"I am okay? I love Serena. And I don't know since when." Nate finally confessed. "But she doesn't love me Blair, she loves someone else. And she's married to that someone else." Nate said, his voice almost quivering.

"I can't break her to mend my heart." Nate whispered. Blair had tears in her eyes. She took him in her arms and smoothed his hair. _Because really, what would it take for Serena to see, just what she was giving up for a man who didn't even deserve her?_

After Blair left, Nate decided that he shouldn't visit Serena today. His mind told him that he wouldn't want Serena dependent on him; she should get through all of this on her own. His heart knew that whatever happened last night would have left an impression on Serena; he didn't want her to reach the same conclusions Blair had, no matter how right they were. So Nate drove to his office at record speed because he was scared for Serena, angry at himself and his skin burnt with the tears he was trying to keep inside. He hated it right now, all of it. He hated that he ever met Serena Van Der Woodsen. He hated that he fell so completely in love with her. He hated that he let her go even when she asked him to hold on. He hated that Blair noticed. He hated that he wasn't careful enough. He hated that Dan left her allowing all his feelings to come rushing to the surface. He hated what happened last night because he was so happy and she was so happy and they were so happy _together_ and _damn it, it wasn't supposed to be that way._ But more than that, he hated Serena because never, not once did she love him the way he did and he was breaking inside.

When Nate reached his office it was 10 am. He walked into the office and busied himself in work. His work had become his escape. He worked enough to get his mind off the tragedy that his life was. Once or twice he felt tears prick his eyes but he harshly wiped them away. This is it, he decided. He was not a seventeen year old girl, he wouldn't cry over someone he can't have. He was Nate Archibald – the man to impress. No matter what happens, he would get over Serena. He would take away from her the control she held over his heart because he can feel the poison in his veins that his unrequited love has spread. So Nate Archibald worked. He worked for a consecutive seven hours. During those seven hours, he didn't breathe a free breath, he didn't spare a free glance and not once did he try to imagine a life where he and Serena would be together. Work was his escape and that is just the way it was, until – if ever – he gets over Serena.

The universe, however, it seemed was conspiring against him. Because at exactly three minutes past five, the door of his cabin opened to reveal Serena in a knee length, sleeveless yellow dress.

"Hi." He looked at her. She looked so fragile and timid. As if she wasn't supposed to be here.

"Hey." Nate made a point to not look at her. He kept working on his laptop, trying his hardest to make her feel as if he didn't care. God damn it! He didn't want to.

"I… erm… I got you food." Serena said lifting her hands to reveal a take-out.

"Serena, it's 5 pm. I have already eaten." Nate lied, his tone clipped.

"Oh." Serena said in that tone of hers. That _tone_ which was so painful that Nate had to clench his fists in order to not look at her. "I was waiting for you, figured you would show up. You didn't, so I thought I can come here with something. But since you've already eaten, I guess I'll go." Serena said, her voice breaking somewhere in the middle of the sentence.

Nate clenched his eyes. He could feel his heart in someone's fist which was clenching it so hard; Nate found it difficult to breathe. Nate knew what made him feel this way. Last night they had innocently shared a bed, because they were high and giddy and it was so much fun. What if it all went crashing into something he wasn't sure his heart could handle, Serena could handle? And then with a jolt Nate realized what had just transpired. _He had turned away Serena who came to him with food because he was too busy working._ How many times would Dan have done that to her? Were those incidents like these which had led Serena to believe that she wasn't good enough? Nate immediately stood up from his chair. To hell with his coward of a heart and his rootless fears; he rushed out of his cabin.

Serena was almost out of the building before she heard Nate's voice. "Serena, wait!" She wiped the tears from her eyes and turned around to see him standing there, his breath ragged. "I didn't have lunch and I am starving. What did you bring?" He asked panting. Serena smiled and rushed towards him.

She almost lost control of her footing when she reached him, and Nate instinctively held her waist to steady her. She looked at him and smiled, and Nate _felt_ all his will power slipping. _Will he ever be truly over her? _

"You like double melt beef burger with extra fries?" she asked. Nate laughed.

"Isn't that a little fattening?" He teased.

"I wanted some grease today." She said moving towards her office.

"Really, why?" Nate asked following her.

"Because fattening food is for consolatory eating." She informed him with the air of a professional foodie.

They reached his office before Nate asked, "Shouldn't you be over the consolatory eating period by now?"

"I was." She replied shortly.

That got Nate's attention. Did she visit Dan today? Did they get into a fight again? "So…" He began, almost scared, "why did you begin again?"

"Because you forgot to show up today." She replied busying himself with setting out the food.

Nate felt the air leave his lungs. He had no idea what to feel about this. The pride he felt after listening to this, sickened him. The fear he felt froze his bones. And the guilt he felt seemed to twist his gut. So he did the only thing any man who would do when in a situation like this. He _apologized_.

"I am sorry, Serena." He said, having nothing to add to it.

"Why though? Why didn't you show up today?" Serena asked him. She had mulled this in her head for so long. She thought she had scared him off after she lost control last night. Maybe she had taken too much time off him; he, after all, had work too. Maybe she had demanded too much attention. These possibilities haunted her until she decided that she should pay him a visit, ask what was wrong and apologize for being a burden. So when she placed her question in front of him, she waited with baited breath for his answer.

"Because I had to come to work." He replied as if the answer was so obvious. She didn't hear, _because what happened last night scared me _in the offing.

"I thought you said I was more important." She replied. She knew she was testing the waters here. What right did she have to pose such questions at him when she had lost her husband for the very same reason?

Nate closed his eyes. Because she was so much important to him that work. Because she was the drug and he was the addict and work was a rehab that was failing miserably. "You are." He replied honestly.

"So why didn't you show up?" She asked. Serena had no idea what had got into her. She had lost Dan because of such probing; did she really want to lose Nate that way too? She wished she could take her question back and she opened her mouth to do just that before she saw Nate smile.

"Because I cancelled work yesterday, and believe what you may Serena, I am kind of in-charge here." He replied lightly. Of course Serena would never know that Nate was positively feeling his pulse vibrate when he said this.

"But, when I came in here today, you seemed… off." She voiced her fears. "We are all right Nate aren't we?"

"'Course we are Serena!" Nate replied in a heartbeat. "About what happened, it wasn't your fault – " because it wasn't " - I just had a bad client."

Serena smiled. "I am not bothering you, am I?"

And Nate heard the fear in her voice. And it made him feel like a bastard for taking out his frustration on her because Serena didn't deserve that. Serena didn't deserve anything other than love and respect and happiness. He took her hands in his. "Serena, you can walk in my house at 3am in the morning and I promise you won't be bothering me." He replied with a smile.

"Really?" she asked tears in her eyes. Because she can't remember the last time someone spoke that way to her. She couldn't remember the last time she didn't annoy anyone with her presence.

"Really." Nate replied taking her face in his palms. Blair was right; he _was_ whipped. "So, I am hungry. I really think we should dig in."

It was a while before Nate spoke again. "Serena, when will you meet Blair and Chuck?" He asked after swallowing his first bite.

Serena stopped mid-way taking a bite. "Nate, I really don't know." She began. "With you, it's different. I mean you're _you._" Nate caught himself before the smile slipped his lips. "But with Chuck and Blair, I am not sure I am ready to face them yet." She confessed.

"Serena, you don't have to _face_ anyone." Nate told her. "The Non-Judging Breakfast Club, remember? We don't judge." He said nudging her shoulder with his. He tried to ignore the electricity he felt which passed through his veins, starting from his shoulder, right down to his fingers.

Serena almost smiled before she let out her worst fear, "Nate. How come their marriage worked so well and mine didn't?" she asked in a tiny voice.

Nate looked at her, eyes wide. _This is what has been bothering her?_ "That is why you're scared to talk to them?" he asked.

Serena nodded. Because talking to Nate was easy. It was easier than talking to anyone else in the world. She could tell Nate the fears she wouldn't tell Dan, she wouldn't tell _herself._ "I know it's stupid but – "

"No Serena," Nate interrupted her, "it's not stupid at all." He pulled her into a hug and Serena kept her head on his chest and let the tears flow. Because that was her sanctuary. Because in Nate's arms she didn't feel insignificant or unimportant or not good enough. In Nate's arms she felt better about herself than ever.

"You know something?" she felt Nate's chest vibrate. "Blair was crying the other day because you won't return her calls. And even though Chuck doesn't show it, I can see his forehead crease at the mention of your name." He informed Serena. She moved away to look up at him. Her hand resting right above his heart. Nate prayed that she didn't feel the irregular beating of his heart.

"Blair cried?" she asked, her eyes wide.

Nate nodded. "She did." He took her face in his hands and looked her in the eye. "Serena, you will always be good enough for us. We aren't perfect; we don't expect you to be. Believe me when I say this, none of us even thought about comparing your marriage to Chuck and Blair's. We are more than that, aren't we?"

Serena nodded. He wiped the tears from her eyes that were threatening to fall. "I should visit them, shouldn't I?"

"Yes, you should." Nate agreed.

"When?" she asked.

"Right about now." Nate said picking his car keys and holding her hand to lead her outside the cabin.

"Right now?!" Serena asked, eyes wide. " But what will I say to them?"

"You don't plan what to say to your friends Serena." He reminded her.

"Hannah, make sure a janitor clears my office." He instructed his secretary before he made his way out. He opened the door to the passenger seat for Serena to take and settled in the driving seat before turning the car keys for ignition. Then, he made his way to Chuck and Blair's with Serena at his side.

Once they arrived at their place, Serena took Nate's hand and squeezed it. Nate turned around to look at her. "I am scared." She said.

He smiled and placed his arms around his shoulder. "Of what?" He asked before taking out the spare keys to Chuck and Blair's and opening the main door.

"Blair? Chuck?" He called. Henry came rushing out at the sound of Nate's voice. Nate took him in his arms and lifted him up. "How is my favourite man doing? He asked.

"Great!" Henry replied, before shouting. "Mum! Dad! Uncle Nate is here along with Aunt Serena." At this Blair and Chuck came rushing out of their bedroom.

"Serena!" Blair squealed before she rushed and engulfed Serena in a hug, Serena hugged her back. Once Blair let go of her, Chuck took her in his arms.

"I missed you, sis." He said.

"I missed you guys too." Serena replied. She felt tears in her eyes. She looked up to see Blair's expression mirroring hers. Blair hugged her again and Serena allowed herself to cry. Because this was them. The Non-Judging Breakfast Club as they had dubbed themselves. They were there for each other. Always there. They were her best friends. They don't judge. Blair broke apart and wiped Serena's tears off her face.

"They don't suit you." She replied indignantly.

Serena let out a teary laugh and wiped her eyes in return. "They don't suit you either." She replied.

"Henry, why don't you go play with your Play Station?" Chuck suggested, sensing the onslaught of emotions that was about to occur. Henry nodded and rushed to his room at that.

"Oh S!" Blair sighed. " Don't do this ever again, all right? Don't exclude us out like this. I was so scared that we almost lost you." Blair voiced her fears.

Serena smiled. "You're _Waldorf-Bass_." She said. "How can _you_ be scared of anything?" she asked.

"Because it's you!" Blair replied. "Come here!" she said taking her hand and pulling her to the couch. Blair continue to ramble about what Serena had missed and how stupid she was being about the entire thing and how she had lost so much weight. Serena just looked at her and smiled. This was so much easier than she had anticipated it to be. There was Blair, rambling about her concerns. And there was Chuck, trying to hide the smile that kept creeping on his face. This was home. How can she be scared of this? She looked at Nate in the midst of all this. He was standing there, leaning his hips on the center table, arms crossed over his chest, smiling. And he looked so proud of her.

"Thank you." She mouthed.

Nate just nodded in return, smiling.

"So you're not going to tell her?" He heard Chuck's voice beside him.

Nate sighed. "She told you?" He asked turning to look at him.

Chuck looked him in the eyes. "No Nathaniel, I figured it out by the twenty-second call you forced me to place." He replied smirking.

Nate snorted in return, shaking his head.

"You didn't answer my question." Chuck pressed. "You aren't going to tell her about your feelings?"

"No, I won't." Said Nate looking into Chuck's eyes as confidently as he had looked into his.

"But why?" Asked Chuck, allowing his face to show the bewilderment he felt at his best friend's response.

Nate looked away to see Serena laughing and smiling and replying animatedly to whatever Blair was saying. "Because I love her." He informed him.

And so, Blair and Serena went shopping some days, and all four of them went to lunch and to dinners and to parties and to balls. And Serena and Nate always had lunch together. He would drive to her home every day, and sometimes she would come to his place. They laughed, they smiled, and they talked. Sometimes Blair would hiss at Nate and tell him to tell Serena how he felt. At those times Nate would just shake his head and Blair would just roll her eyes. During the next twenty-two days, Nate tried his damndest not to let his feelings get in way of a recovering Serena. During the next twenty-two days, it felt that everything would be all right. For the next _twenty-two _days that is.

**A/N: So that was the fifth chapter. It is shorter, I realize. But I felt I needed a separate Chapter on the NJBC reconciliation. I am not completely satisfied with this chapter, I hope the next one is better though. But I just thought, it was time that Serena took a step towards Nate too. So there we go! **

**REVIEW YOU GUYS! Please! Don't let that go down. Your reviews keep me up and running!**

**Thankyou. I love you all so much. And does anyone else feel that Serenate were intended to be endgame when they started the show, but somewhere the writers got high and cooked up Derena. I mean HOW CAN YOU IGNORE THE CHEMISTRY IN THAT SHEPHARD WEDDING SCENE?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: If Gossip Girl was mine, I would be friends with the likes of Chace Crawford and Blake Lively. I, clearly (and sadly) am not.**

On the twenty-third day, Serena and Nate came face to face with reality, were struck with realizations and did what they have done so well their entire lives; they denied everything that their hearts and minds indicated towards. But what clearly changed the dynamic in their lives, which had been quite "all-right" for the previous twenty-two days, was the fact that one of them succumbed to their impulses twenty-four hours later. But that is the twenty-fourth day and we will get to that in some time. The twenty-third day, however, started quite normally when Serena entered Nate's apartment.

She entered his apartment at 7.30 in the morning using the spare keys that Nate had given her all those months ago. It wasn't unusual; she had been doing that for quite some time now. So she walked into his room, knowing full well what to expect. Expecting something doesn't make it any easier to face it. So when Serena saw Nate sprawled across his bed, shirtless, it took some time for her to catch hold of her senses. Nate was lying on his front, the covers resting on his lower back. One of his arms was tucked under his head, the other resting close to his face. Nate was facing her, his hair disheveled, and his eyebrows scrunched. Serena felt herself go weak in the knees. The first time this had happened was when Nate had fallen asleep on her couch when they cleaned her place. Then, it just kept happening, every time she saw him. Whether he was acting all serious in his work attire or when he would give her those half-grins when he teased her or when he laughed or when he spoke or when he breathed. Nate Archibald looked beautiful. Her reasons to feel that way remained the same that they were since that day in her apartment - Being left alone for a long time, does that to people. Another reason that Serena had reminded herself recently was that Nate had always been beautiful. Yes, _beautiful_. He was always something that "handsome" or "good-looking" never covered. So, when Serena was eleven, she had decided that Nate Archibald was beautiful. Getting attracted to a man who had always looked good when she was alone wasn't something to worry about, Serena had always convinced herself.

Breaking out of her reverie, Serena moved towards Nate. He was obviously dreaming and it wasn't a very good one, reading by his scrunched eyebrows. She sat down at his side and ran her fingers through his hair, trying to ease whatever nightmare his mind was conjuring up for him. As a result, Nate's face visibly relaxed and he sighed. She smiled; if there was one person whom the UES hasn't really destroyed, it was Nate.

"Nate." Serena whispered right beside his ear. He did not even so much as budge and Serena chuckled. He was probably the heaviest sleeper she had ever met. "Nate." She called this time, a little louder. Nate jus groaned and turned away from him.

Serena ruffled his hair, roughly enough for him to notice. In reply, Nate caught her hand and turned around to look at her. "Go away." He said before promptly closing his eyes and trying to regain the slumber he had just lost.

"Come on Nate!" She said loudly and shoving him in the shoulder. The reason she felt her entire body warm up from where she touched him was because she had been lonely for quite some time. And there went another one of those indications which make you realize about your attraction to someone. This indication, which was just dismissed, was probably mourning Serena's naivety just like each one of its counterparts that have been trying to nudge Serena towards Nate in the past twenty-two days.

However, Nate's reason for his body to heat up at Serena's touch on his bare, warm shoulder was drastically different. This is probably why he resigned to open his eyes and turned around to look at her.

"Good Morning." Serena said in her cheery voice.

"It's 7.45, nothing to be so damn cheery about." He complained getting up. And there was Nate Archibald for Serena to see. Him, clad only in his grey sweatpants, which hung low on his waist, exposing the top of his well-defined hip-bones. His chest was peppered with hair which went over his tanned, rock-hard abs, down to his navel and disappeared under his night attire. His arms and shoulders defined. Nate Archibald wasn't muscly but he was lean and fit. And suddenly, it was too hot for Serena to be in the room. She could feel her face heat up and her mind wasn't functioning enough to come up with a witty reply.

"You… um. You go get dressed, I'll make some breakfast." She thanked whoever was supposed to be thanked that her brain and mouth had somehow managed to co-ordinate perfectly without betraying her. She rushed out of the room as fast as she could, without hearing his reply. Once, she was in the kitchen, Serena chided herself for acting like a high-school teenager swooning over some boy. But really, Nate wasn't just some boy, and if the exhibition he had just provided in the room was anything to go by, he was a _man._ He was a force to be reckoned with. And a beautiful force at that.

Serena shook her head and opened the fridge to down some water. Really, thoughts like these were getting out of hand. And if they kept going at this pace, Serena was pretty sure she'll run out of excuses as to why these thoughts entered her mind in the first place. _She was married for crying out loud!_ An almost failed marriage, but a marriage nonetheless. On her very pessimistic days, she wondered if Dan remembered that they were married. Surely he did! And surely he wanted to remain in this relationship, otherwise he would've sent in the divorce papers by now. Serena dreaded this thought. The thought that some papers could end a relationship she had tried so hard to perfect. But if she was such a good wife, then why in the name of _Burberry's limited edition high heeled boots_ did Nate Archibald interrupted her thoughts the way he had been doing since the last twenty-two days. It wasn't right, Serena reminded herself while gulping down her third glass of water. It just wasn't right.

Her thoughts, much to her relief, were interrupted by Nate Archibald walking into the kitchen dressed in a starched black suit, his hair slicked back and him the picture of perfection. Serena closed her eyes and groaned, _what was the man up to?_

Wherever in the world Karma resided, unknown to Serena, it was having a good laugh over her situation. Because right now, Serena was going through the same emotional upheaval that Nate has been going through ever since the poor guy had found out that cooties didn't exist. What made it worse for Serena obviously, is that she was trying so desperately to make excuses like physical attraction seem plausible. Karma must have had a popcorn bowl ready to enjoy the drama that was to ensue.

"No pancakes?" Nate asked.

"No. No pancakes today." Serena bit at him.

"All right, Van Der Woodsen, nothing to get so riled up about." Nate replied, taken aback.

"I am sorry, I am just off today. It's not your fault." Serena lied. Because it was all his fault. Bloody, all of it. Because the last thing that Serena wanted right now was to give Dan the ammunition to break off their marriage and call her disloyal. And this jerk wasn't helping situations. But then again, where would she be if Nate hadn't shown up to her house that night? Serena wanted to cry. Really, she did. Her emotions were a confused mess at the moment and Nate and Dan were caught in the midst of it. Well, more Nate than Dan, because it had been two months since she had had a conversation with her dear husband.

"It's okay. You can treat me like your punch bag, I don't mind." Nate teased, buttering up his toast.

"Oh, I know that. You have been my punch bag for quite some time now." Serena replied, pouring him his morning juice.

Nate stopped mid-bite and looked at her. He caught hold of her hand that was pouring the juice and dutifully ignored that current that always passed. He had become pro at it. Serena, however hadn't and _oh dear Lord, he needs to stop doing that_! Her hand still in his, he spoke with a voice that Serena always wanted Dan to use.

"You don't need to worry about that, okay?" Nate told her. "Besides, I enjoy being your punch bag." He smiled. Serena smiled back. Because this was Nate. Her annoying, good-looking, naïve and wonderfully lovely Nate. So no matter whatever emotional stress that sodding bastard caused her, truth was, when he said things like those, she got all giddy inside. She nodded in reply.

Nate let her hand go, and took a bite off his toast. "So, what are you planning to do today?" He asked her conversationally.

"Oh, I'll complete my resume and email it to _Vogue_ – "

"Finally!" Nate interrupted. Serena threw him a dirty look in response. "Oh, don't look at me like that! You have been delaying that for the past five days."

"Yes, I have. But words of encouragement would be highly appreciated." Serena reprimanded him.

"You show them Serena! Yay you." Nate replied sarcastically. Serena snatched his toast. "What?" Nate looked up annoyed.

"You're not helping Nate!" Serena scolded him.

"What do you need my help for?" Nate asked her, snatching his toast back.

"Well, what if I don't get the job?" Serena asked him tensed.

Nate looked at her and smiled. "If we don't get a job, we apply for another one. That's kind of how the labour market works." He informed her. Serena looked down and bit her lip. "But you'll never know if you don't even apply." Nate convinced her. When she still didn't look any happier, Nate hooked one finger under her chin and made her look in his eyes.

"Serena, you're amazing all right." That got a smile from her and encouraged by that Nate continued, "It's a research job for a fashion magazine! You are the cut for it!" He told her.

"But there are so many other people applying Nate! And this is _Vogue! _It's not like they are waiting for me with their arms wide open – "

"Serena –"

"And there must be so many better applicants for the job – "

"I real – "

"What if they think I am not good enough? Do you think I am good enough – "

"Listen t – "

"Do you think I have what it takes? Nate – "

At this point, Nate shoved his half eaten toast in Serena's mouth. _That_ effectively stopped her rambling. Serena looked at Nate with wide eyes and Nate started to laugh. It really was comical, a tensed Serena, eyes wide with a toast shoved in her mouth. Once his laughter subsided, he removed the toast from between her lips, took her face in both his hands, looked her in the eye and used the calmest voice that he could muster.

"S, if you apply to _Vogue_, chances are you'll get in. If, however, you don't, you will apply some place else. Chances are you'll get in _there. _You're too amazing at this to not get a job. This fashion stuff, it comes naturally to you." Nate told her. "And if _Vogue_ doesn't take you, it does not stop you from being the awesome person that you are. Some other company will see that and employ you, all right? It's just a job. Whether you get in or not, you'll remain every bit as amazing as you already are. Do you get me?" Nate looked at her and asked, with genuine concern evident in her eyes.

Serena nodded, feeling a lot better about the job application already. Because, Serena realized, when Nate looked at her with so much confidence and concern, she could face anything that life threw at her. She looked into his eyes and grabbed his hands which were still placed on her cheeks. "Thank you." She whispered. Nate smiled in response. And there was definitely _something_ when they looked at each other like that. Something, that was not normal for two friends. Something that wasn't supposed to be normal for them. And Serena probably noticed this, because this definitely didn't have anything to do with physical attraction. So she interrupted the moment as subtly as possible; she cleared her throat. And, Nate pulled back, like he had pulled back every time.

"So, what are you planning to do today?" She asked, deciding that the situation needed a change in topic urgently.

"Ah, I'll probably get into another argument with my grandfather." He replied, almost sourly. Sipping into his orange juice.

"Why?" Serena sounded surprised.

"Well, he wants me to go to Pennsylvania for this political conference." Nate told her.

"For how long?" She questioned.

"Oh, the conference is for a week, but if the Van Der Built campaign is successful, I'll have to stay in Philadelphia for probably six months." Nate informed her, finishing his juice.

"So, you don't want to go?" Serena hoped against hope that she sounded just as unconcerned as she had intended to. She didn't want him to find out that the prospect of him leaving for six months has scared her beyond belief. That would make her feel needy and dependent and make Nate question the reason for such concern. And Serena wasn't sure she knew the answer to that.

"No, I don't. I really don't want to get into politics more than I already am." Nate said, shaking his head. And Serena breathed a sigh of relief.

"I am getting late." Nate suddenly said glancing at his watch. "I should get going. And don't clear the table. I'll do that when I get back." He informed her getting up from the dining table. She saw him pick up his briefcase from the sofa from the threshold of his kitchen. Just before he reached the main door to his house, he turned around and went back to her. "You fill in that application to _Vogue_, all right? I'll see you in the evening. Bye." He said as he caressed her cheek and hurried out of his room. Serena couldn't stop the smile that appeared on her lips.

She went back into the kitchen and began to clean up the table, like she always did. She liked taking care of Nate like that, she realized. Moments like these with Nate were the best parts of her day. Moments when they would just talk and discuss their plans for the day. Or when they would make fun of Chuck for being so whipped with his wife. Or when he would tease her. She smiled as she set the jug of juice in the fridge. She had no idea what she would have done had a five year old rich spoiled brat hadn't introduced himself to her all those years ago.

She finished the buttered toast on the table. The same buttered toast that Nate had shoved in her mouth. The same buttered toast that Nate had half eaten.

See, now Karma would have made her realize that this was incredibly domestic for a woman who was denying all feelings for a man other than physical attraction. But Karma decided if it intervened right now, she would drop the toast, she held in her hands so it decided now was probably not the time to tap at Serena's conscious. But Karma knew one more thing, that if it was a bitch, then there was only one person bitchier. It decided it would be a good thing if _that_ person knocked on Serena's door right now. So entered Blair Waldorf. Karma probably would have smirked; Nate should be careful with the amount of keys he had distributed among his friends.

"Of course." Serena turned around at the sound of Blair's voice.

"Hello to you too, B." Serena replied finishing her toast. Finishing _Nate's_ toast.

"How has life at Nate's been?" Blair asked slyly. If Nate had refused to do anything about this situation does not mean that Blair couldn't _nudge_ Serena in the right direction.

"Oh, I don't know B. I really showed up this morning." Serena replied rolling her eyes. She really didn't know why Blair used that tone and those implications. Surely, Nate and her weren't as close as she made them out to be.

Blair looked at the wall-clock. "It's 8.15 in the morning S. At what hour did you actually arrive?" She asked knowing full well that Serena must have been here for breakfast since she had just seen Nate drive out towards his office.

"At 7.30." Serena replied softly. "But you're here at 8.15 and when Nate isn't even here." She accused, almost triumphantly.

"Whoever said I came here looking for Nate?" Blair asked, her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised.

"I don't know B. I just _assumed_ that you were at Nate's house looking for him." Serena replied smugly.

"You assumed wrong." Blair informed her. "I came here looking for you. I, too, _assumed_ you would be here." She told her just as smug.

Serena found herself at a loss for words. So she switched the topic of conversation to spare herself further embarrassment. "Why were you looking for me at 8.15 in the morning?" she asked her.

Blair noticed what Serena was trying to do. And there was no way in hell that she would let her do that so easily. Nate might be a Saint, Blair definitely wasn't. "I wanted to see you because I was missing you. You obviously were too busy missing someone else." She replied smirking.

Serena sighed and felt it was time to draw a line. "B, come on. Don't say stuff like that all right?"

"Stuff like what?" Blair asked frowning.

"Stuff that implies that Nate is more important to me than any of you." Serena replied.

"But, he is." Blair said feigning confusion.

"No. He isn't." Serena knew she was lying but this was the only way which will stop Blair from cooking up inappropriate assumption regarding her and Nate.

"Really? He isn't?" Blair asked airily. "Oh, I assumed he was. You know, since you spend eighteen hours a day with him. And you worry about him like he worries about you. You have lunch together and you can't hold a conversation without mentioning him in it. Maybe it is because of the way you look at him when you think no one is watching, or when you blush if he teases you. I really don't know what gave me such a horrendous idea, S. It clearly has nothing to do with the fact that he is the first person you see when you wake up and both of you have breakfast together like a couple or maybe how you're practically clearing the table after he left. Chuck and I don't do that Serena and you call him whipped. Maybe I am saying this because – "

"Okay all right! Stop." Serena almost shrieked. "Look B, whatever ideas you have they are clearly wrong. There is nothing so special between me and Nate all right?" Serena was annoyed now. Not because Blair's assumptions were wrong but because they were so dangerously _right._

Blair huffed in response. "So you tell me that Chuck and I are just important to you as Nate is?"

"Yes." Serena lied through her teeth.

"And you can say this in front of Nate?" Blair asked, already aware of the answer.

Serena opened her mouth to reply but then faltered. _Would she really tell Nate that he didn't mean any more to him than Blair and Chuck? After everything he had done for her? In spite of everything she felt in his presence?_

"Believe what you want." Serena replied choosing the middle path.

"I will do exactly that." Blair smiled sweetly. "In the meanwhile, you are accompanying me to _Waldorf Designs._ I need your opinion on something."

"I have a job application to complete." Serena informed her grumpily.

"You can do that in my office." Blair said, already taking her hand and leading her to the main door. She smiled slyly then and looked back. "Or you can do that at Nate's office. Really, your choice."

Serena closed her eyes. Truth is Blair's words were beginning to scare her. That nagging voice which kept telling Serena, that whatever she felt for Nate was _far more_ than mere physical attraction was getting louder by the second. Blair probably had no idea what her words were doing to Serena. They were creating doubts that Serena didn't want to confront and realizations she didn't want to face. Because by the end of the day, she was still a married woman. A married woman whose husband hadn't even seen her in two months, she realized. But what other option did she have? The last thing she needed on her conscience was that she cheated on Dan with Nate, which caused her marriage to end. And so she decided to nip it in the bud, whatever it was.

Dan might have not seen Serena for two months, but he certainly was Nate's second visitor in his office that morning.

It was 10.30 am when Nate's intercom rang "Yes, Hannah?" Nate asked, turning on the speaker.

"Sir, Mr. Humphrey is here to see you." His secretary informed him.

Nate couldn't say he wasn't surprised. "All right, send him in." he instructed her.

"All right, sir." Nate disconnected.

Nate had no idea what to feel about this. His selfish side was scared of Dan arriving at his office. What if he was here because he wanted to reconcile with Serena? Nate felt angry at the thought. Because what right did Dan have to barge in and take Serena away from him again when Nate was left picking up the pieces of a person that Dan had shattered? Nate sat up with a jolt when he realized what he just thought of. _Take Serena away from him?_ She wasn't his to begin with, Nate reminded himself. She was always Dan's. She always loved Dan in ways she had never loved him. There was a reason that Dan walking out on her had affected her so deeply. And Nate's better side – which heavily dominated at that moment – was ecstatic to have Dan here. If he really was here to ask for reconciliation with his wife, it would make Serena happier than Nate had ever made her. She can go back to Dan, and him and Serena can go back to being what they were before this whole chaos happened, Nate realized with resentful sorrow.

His thoughts were interrupted by Dan's voice. "Hello, Nate."

Nate looked up to see, Dan standing in front of him. "Oh, hey man." Nate responded smiling and gesturing for him to take a seat.

"Nate, I wanted to talk to you about something important." Dan told him.

"Yeah, I am listening." Nate replied, dreading what was to come.

"Nate, I think I am ready to get back with Serena." Dan replied. Nate felt his insides freeze. He could _feel_ Serena slipping away from him _again _in the moment. In the next moment, Nate hated himself. Here was Dan, ready to right all wrongs and give Serena the life that she deserved; surely he can't be thinking of himself right now.

Nate plastered a smile to his face before replying. "That's great man, I'll tell Serena! In fact, you should tell her. She'll be ecstatic!" Nate said, attempting to look as cheerful about this whole thing as his body could allow him.

"No, Nate! There is this thing." Dan said, before Nate could do anything else.

"What thing?" Nate asked, smile still carefully intact.

"I am ready to get back with Serena, if, in exchange you would give me 30 percent of your shares in _Spectator_." Dan informed him, as if discussing a business deal.

Nate looked at him for a whole minute before he burst out laughing. "Bad joke, Humphrey." Nate told him, shaking his head.

"But, I am serious Nate." Dan interrupted his laughter. "I am very serious, in fact."

"No, you aren't." Nate said, all cheeriness gone. "You can't be. Come on man!"

"I'll get back with Serena if you transfer 30 percent of your shares in this company to my name." Dan repeated.

For the very first time, Nate felt anger creeping up on him. Dan can't be serious! "You're asking me to trade 30 percent of my business in exchange for Serena's happiness?"

"You came to me seven times pleading her case; I assumed her happiness is important to you." Dan replied evenly.

"It is Dan. And 30 percent of my share in _Spectator_ doesn't even begin to cover how priceless it is!" Nate said, his voice rising.

"So, I think it's a fair deal then?" Dan persuaded.

Nate closed his eyes and sighed. Surely this was a bad dream. Surely Dan isn't sitting in his office right now, ready to put Serena at trade like that. Nate took a calming breath and tried to act sensibly about it. "Come on, Dan! You're actually proposing that Serena's happiness be made something, this cheap, this tradable?" Nate asked him.

"There is nothing to get so emotional about Nate. It's a very simple business transaction." Dan replied, snorting.

"No it isn't Dan!" Nate tried to control the rage inside him. "It's about Serena's happiness, and _that_ is no business transaction." Nate said curtly.

"Don't talk as if transactions like these are uncommon in the UES." Dan said exasperated.

Nate just looked at him in shock. Whatever happened to the straight-laced boy from Brooklyn, who he envied so much for the attention Serena showered on him? "No, transactions like those are not uncommon in UES, but Serena will never be an example of them." Nate replied, clenching his teeth. "I'll make sure of that much."

Dan looked up at Nate and smirked at the naivety of his friend. "Just know that I placed an offer. It's up to you to decide." Dan replied getting up from his chair.

Nate decided to try again. "Dan, listen to me – "

"I have told you the deal, Nate. You can choose what to do now." Dan interrupted him. The two men looked at each other squarely in the eye. Blue and brown. Before Dan opened the door to Nate's office and walked out.

Nate had no idea what just transpired in his office. Had Dan really walked in and talked about getting back with Serena in exchange of something so trivial. Whatever happened to his friend, Dan. And then for the very first time, in the last two months, Nate questioned Dan's love for Serena. Did he ever love her as much as Serena thought he did? Nate shook his head. Surely, he was throwing this entire scenario out of proportion, Dan was just drunk on the success UES had brought him, he'll come to his senses soon enough, Nate figured. After all, they had been married for almost two years, no matter how much Dan claim it a mistake. Nate decided that he would talk to Dan, once he had had time to cool off. _Besides, how long could a man not accept the love and attention of Serena Van Der Woodsen?_ Nate had been wrong before.

Nate unsuccessfully tried to forget what had happened in the morning and the whole memory came back full-force when Serena barged into his office without knocking at 3 pm.

"Did you order Lunch?" she demanded.

"Good afternoon." Nate replied. He couldn't stop the smile that was forcing its way on his lips at her arrival.

And Serena couldn't stop her knees from knocking against each other when he smiled like that. Like she was the brightest thing on this planet and he was a baby fascinated by her. "Don't order lunch for me, I am not hungry." She said, ignoring her traitorous brain.

"Okay, then. I think I'll skip lunch too." Because really, there wasn't much appetite left in him after what happened today with Dan. Nate briefly wondered if he should tell Serena about what happened, but quickly decided against it. He already planned to talk to Dan about this and knock some sense into him, so Serena really didn't need to know about Dan's lapse in judgment. Besides it wouldn't do anything but hurt Serena in the worst of ways. His ponderings were cut short when Serena interrupted them.

"Good for you. Skip lunch like you have been skipping everything so far." Serena replied in a sour voice.

Nate raised his eye brows at her tone. "Did you mess up your application?" He asked wondering why she was in the mood she was in.

"No! This isn't about me Archibald, it's about you." Serena replied poking him in the chest. Nate would have informed her that she was invading his personal space, but he was enjoying it far too much. Excuse the man for his lapses, but he was a man after all, with the love of his life standing close enough for him to kiss. He briefly wondered what would happen if he, in fact, did lean down those two inches that separated them and placed his lips on hers. His fantasies were cut short when Serena suddenly moved away. Nate just shook his head and tried to remember what Serena had said before he had allowed himself to delve in such wishful fantasies.

"What about me?" he asked, finally remembering.

"You are lonely." Serena told him as if telling a two year old that two plus two indeed made four.

"No, I am not." Like the same two year old refusing to accept the aforementioned concept.

"You are." Serena insisted shortly.

"I am not lonely Serena! I have you and Chuck and Blair and – "

"And your work. Oh look! You have your files." Serena said gesturing around his office. "And you definitely have Hannah and you have your janitors and a political campaign and your clients." Serena rambled on her voice slowly rising.

Nate began to laugh at Serena's antics. "Oh! Don't you laugh! This is serious." Serena said pointing her finger at him. Nate instantly shut up.

"May I ask what brought this on?" Nate asked, still smiling. See, now that's something Serena didn't want to think about. What really did brought this on was the tingles under her skin and his winks and her ragged breaths and his smiles and the knocking of her knees and his teasing and her erratic heartbeat and his smirks and the goofy smiles she can't stop and his frown when he was concentrating and her flushed cheeks and him ruffling his hair and her heated face and his tone when he talked to her. What brought this on, he asked. What brought this on was that this was scaring her in the most delicious and sinful ways, so it should be stopped.

"When was the last time you had sex?" Serena asked suddenly.

And Nate choked on nothing. He picked up his pen and opened up whatever random file that rested on his desk. "Now, you're making me uncomfortable." He accused, his voice light.

Serena grabbed the pen in his hand. Nate refused to look up. "Come on, Nate! Tell me. When was the last time you got intimate with someone?"

Nate looked down; truth was, after Serena's marriage Nate had slept around more than what was healthy. Figured, this would help him take his mind off of his failure of a love-life. His life for the next two months had been a string of one night stands, until one day Nate realized something purely physical wouldn't fill the emotional void that Serena's marriage had left behind. So, he tried holding stable relationships, _tried_ being the key word. For some reason or another they never worked out. Then, Nate arrived on the fairytale theory he had told Serena about. Bottom line is, Nate Archibald hadn't had sex in the last twelve months. His virginity was probably _growing back_ now.

Serena poked him in his shoulder, "I am waiting for an answer."

Nate murmured something in response without looking her in the eye. "I am sorry, I didn't quite catch that." Serena said.

"A year." Nate said louder this time. Serena just looked at him with wide eyes before she burst out in a peal of raucous laughter.

"You can't be serious." She said in between her laughs.

Nate got up from his chair, clearly annoyed. He moved towards his cabinet. "It's not that funny anymore. Grow up."

Serena tried to hold her laughter and walked towards him. When Nate turned around to get back to his desk he almost walked into her. Serena stood there, her cheeks flushed, blue eyes full of mirth and her teeth chewing on her lower lip desperately trying to control the laughter that was threatening to fall out of her mouth. Nate clenched his hands into fists to stop them from pushing Serena against the wall and claiming her lips, her neck, whatever piece of flesh he can lay his lips on. He sidestepped her clearing his throat making his way towards his writing-table. Serena held his forearm and turned him around.

"All-right, I am sorry." She began. "This is your second longest dry run, isn't it? The longest obviously happened when you were a virgin." With that Serena broke out in another fit of laughter. But her sentence hit home in Nate. Because he couldn't shake off the feelings he had developed for the girl who had put an end to _that_ run. It probably showed in his eyes because suddenly Serena stopped laughing. Her smile quickly disappeared and the electricity which passed between their irises gave her goose-bumps.

Nate quickly dismissed his thought flow and turned away. "And the reason you are standing here, making me so incredibly uncomfortable is?" Nate turned around raising his eyebrows trying to regain the normalcy in this conversation.

"The reason is; you should pay a bit more attention to your non-existent love life." Serena told him.

"I have work." Nate informed her.

"Everybody does, does not stop them from sharing their lives with someone." Serena reminded.

"So what do you want me to do?" Nate asked her with resignation.

"I want you to go on a date with this friend of mine." Serena said, her voice low and her eyes apprehensive.

"Oh no! Oh no, I am not going on any blind dates. No. That is a bad idea, S! It always blows up in my face." Nate said, talking quickly and gesturing wildly.

"Oh come on Nate! You'll like Izzie. She's amazing." Serena nodded earnestly.

Nate just shook his head in response. Why didn't he understand how important this was for her? It was important for him to be unavailable to her so he could stop messing with her head! It was important for Nate to shower someone else with more attention than he showered her with, to stop Blair from making implications that sent shivers down Serena's spine. He needed to smile at someone else in that totally heart-stopping way and smirk at someone else that sexily. It was important for Serena's sanity for Nate to go out on this date with Izzie.

"Please Nate? Please?" Serena asked, pulling that puppy-dog look that she knew he can't resist. "You can't go on a date for me?"

Nate closed his eyes and sighed. "One date." He said with an air of finality. "One date is all I am ready to spare, all right?" Nate raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, you haven't met Izzie yet! You'll love her." Serena said her features brightening up. "You're free tomorrow night at 9.00?" she asked. When Nate nodded, she began to dial up Izzie's number to confirm her plans.

See, had Blair been present at this point she would have probably been smirking as openly as Karma was at this moment. Serena had no idea what she had set herself up for. The date was on the _twenty-fourth _day. The day which was to witness the massive shift in the relationship between these two obnoxiously lost individuals. On the twenty-fourth day, either Serena (with her strong determination to drive away whatever feelings she had developed) or Nate (who was dealing with a crumbling will-power) would succumb to these feelings they were trying so hard to fight.

On the twenty-fourth day at 10.25 in the night, Serena sat in her apartment alone, heavily _drunk._ Dan Humphrey had forgotten that this was the third anniversary of the night he had proposed to marry her. The most wonderful moment of her entire life and her husband had not even called. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she took another swig directly from the bottle and felt the liquid burn her throat.

Wow, she really was screwed up. She being the idiot that she was had set Nate up on a date on the day she needed him the most. She wiped her tears again. He was probably off gallivanting in New York with that tramp Izzie, she thought sourly. She imagined what it would be like if Nate was right next to her on the couch. He would make her laugh and crack the lamest of jokes. He would smile at her in the most beautiful ways and he would smirk and he would tease and he would brush the strands of hair away from her face and he would look at her like she was the most beautiful human being on this planet (even if she dressed in her pink and yellow jammies, drunk and without a smidge of make-up on her face) and he would talk to her in that tone which made her insides melt and he would caress her cheek like he does in the morning before he goes to work and he would probably take her mind off Dan in the most enticing ways. But oh no, she was the girl who had set her up with that bitch, Izzie and he was probably doing all of this for _her_ and this made her heart break in the precise way it shouldn't have broken. Screw Dan Humphrey for being a bastard on this _very important_ day but screw Nate Archibald harder for stealing her breath like that and landing her in the situation that she was currently in. Screw his deep blue eyes and his perfect face and his perfect voice and his perfect person for making her feel everything she wasn't supposed to feel.

She hated Izzie right now; she hated her so _damn _much. Because she was taking away her Nate. _ Her Nate! Her Natie!_ Serena decided she liked the sound of that. She shouldn't have set him up with her, she realized. She wasn't even half as good for him. _But what if Nate didn't realize that?_ Serena panicked. What if he thought that Izzie with her strawberry blonde hair and her perfect green eyes and her perfect hourglass figure was actually _the one_? Serena felt tears prick her eyes and she took another mouthful from the bottle of tequila she held in her hands.

Karma was probably feeling bad for the poor girl, but only it understood why this whole scenario was necessary. Because all those years ago, Nate was in a relationship with Blair almost like the one that she was in with Dan right now (where you are so sure that you love your significant other but your heart acts like a traitorous bastard). And Nate felt everything for Serena that he wasn't supposed to feel for her just like Serena was feeling for _him_ right now (the flushed cheeks and the short breaths and the melting insides). And she had drove off with Dan the way he was probably with Izzie right now (enjoying himself). And he had looked onto them with the same sorrow that she felt in this moment (with an alcohol bottle in hand). She had to understand Nate's heart and his tears and his emotions and everything that Nate had gone through since he was a hormonal boy of sixteen, before she was ready to embrace what was definitely there between the two of them, Karma decided.

But since she was feeling so downtrodden, she was provided with hope to help her through. Her eyes lit up when she realized that Izzie doesn't clear the breakfast table after Nate goes to work. And Izzie doesn't know that Nate's favourite tie was the silk, emerald green one. And Izzie has no idea that Nate preferred his scotch, neat. And Izzie probably doesn't know that the _Audemars Piguet _that rested on Nate's wrist was gifted to him by his mother. Serena smirked as all of this came to her. There was no way that _little-miss-perfect Izzie_ was better for Nate than she was. But, Serena reminded herself, the _only_ reason she was sitting on the couch, drunk out of her senses was because Dan had forgotten their proposal anniversary. Nothing else.

Her very drunken thought process was cut short when she saw Nate enter through his front door. She glanced at her clock, it was only 10.30. "What are you doing here?" she slurred, taking another swig from the bottle. Nate just looked at her, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. See, there goes her heart fluttering away at the perfect Nate in the perfect grey suit with the perfect eyes and the perfect forearms and the perfect stubble on his cheeks and the perfect lips. _Screw him. _"You got off early from the date? She came a bit too hard on you?" Serena asked scathingly, rolling her eyes and forcing herself to not care.

If it was possible, Nate's eyes grew even wider. "I had a date today!" He exclaimed. Serena turned to look at him, confusion and perhaps _hope_ etched on her face. "I completely forgot! Oh dear." Nate said faltering over his words. The smile that was spreading on Serena's lips went unnoticed.

"She must have been waiting for me at _Hospoda_ and I completely stood her up." Nate said closing his eyes. "She must hate me right now!" He groaned. "Apologize on behalf of me, would you?" He requested Serena. She shook her head smiling wide enough for all her teeth to show.

"What?" He asked. Serena began to laugh. She couldn't explain the warmth that filled her entire being when she realized that Nate never met Izzie. She laughed and laughed and laughed. Because she was ecstatic and _her Natie_ wasn't going anywhere and he would continue doing all those amazing stuff he does for _her._ So she got up and she twirled in circles and laughed and danced because Nate was _right here!_

Nate's confusion turned to glee when he saw Serena like that; happy and carefree, just the way she was when they were twelve. She twirled until she crashed into his chest giggling, bottle of tequila still in hand. Nate held her around the waist with one arm and used his other one to catch hold of her hand which clutched the bottle. "Why are we getting drunk tonight?" he asked, half a grin on his lips.

"Because tonight is the third anniversary of the night that Dan proposed to me." Serena told him, wiping whatever happiness he felt across his chest. "And you weren't here. And I thought you were with Izzie and I would lose you because she is so _perfect_, Nate. And I didn't want to lose you and I was so scared and I hated her so much. But you didn't go Natie! You forgot all about your date." She said giddily and rested her head on his chest and held him tightly across his waist. Because this is right where she belonged – In Nate's arms.

Nate smoothed her hair and felt guilt take over him. If only she had told him about this whole anniversary thing, he wouldn't have stayed at his office for so long. He shouldn't have left her alone tonight, he realized. And with that realization, came fear, what would happen if Serena found out about the deal Dan wanted to make? Nate clenched his eyes tightly, willing all his thoughts to go away. "Come on, let's put you in bed." Nate said quietly, taking away the bottle from Serena's hands and leading her to the bedroom.

They were standing on the side of her bed and he was looking at her, trying to steal one last long look before he left for the night. "Goodnight." He whispered finally and made to leave when he felt Serena clutch his hand tightly. He turned around to look at her, she was looking at him, lips slightly parted and eyes blue. She moved closer to him until their fronts were pressed together. "You make me happy, Nate." She said. And Nate's response was swallowed by Serena's lips on his.

The moment their lips connected Nate felt electricity shoot through him. He cupped her face in both his hands and attacked her lips, turning the soft, needy kiss in a wild, passionate one. He wanted to convey all his feelings, all his thoughts, all his love through his lips and Serena eagerly drank in all the emotions he wanted so desperately for her to understand. Lips moved against each other and Serena's hands entangled themselves in Nate's hair while Nate's hands made their way down to her waist, tracing irregular patterns all over her body. Their bodies connected like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle finally coming together. He could feel her heartbeat near his own heart. _God damn it!_ He had waiting so long for this. Her kisses felt like water to his dry lips - enticing and delicious. He parted her mouth with his tongue and carefully caressed hers. Their bodies pressed so closely, that air wouldn't pass between them. Serena tried to battle for dominance until oxygen became necessary and their lips broke apart. Serena's sighs turned into gasps when she felt him attack his neck with so much passion and fervor that she felt the trail of his lips on her flesh, _burn_. She held onto his hair; she was sure she wouldn't be able to stand without his support. He kissed her pulse and she let out a sigh. He tickled her collarbone with his tongue and bite right behind her ear, Serena hissed. She couldn't take it anymore. She lifted her head and attacked his lips again with all the fire that was burning inside her. "_Nate!" _she gasped.

His name on her lips was what it took for Nate to open his eyes and see Dan's photograph sitting atop Serena's side table. His grip on her slackened and his senses kicked back. Nate pulled away from a drunken Serena in the way he didn't pull back all those years ago at the bar at the night of the Shephard's wedding. Serena reached out for his lips once more, but Nate held her hand and shook his head. "You're drunk."

"Nate – " Serena began.

He just shook her head. "You'll regret this in the morning, Serena." He knew that. He knew that if they proceeded anywhere from here he'll lose her like he lost her all those years ago, and Nate was pretty darn sure that, _that _would shatter him in so many pieces, that he wouldn't be able to put himself back together no matter how hard he tried.

"I need you Nate." Serena said, _pleaded._

Nate clenched his eyes shut. "No, you don't." He informed her

"But I do!"

"Not like this!" Nate felt his volume rising, he sighed. "Serena, you should go to bed." To encourage her, he moved towards her bed and lifted the covers for her to get in.

Serena lied down. "Did I do something wrong?" she asked him, tears in her eyes which he noticed while he tucked her in. "Are you going to leave me too?"

"I'll never leave you." Nate whispered, kissing her on the forehead.

"Will you stay here then?" She asked, holding his hand, like a six year old Serena held her teddy bear.

Nate nodded. Because this was Serena and Nate would do anything for her. Even _not kiss_ her.

The night of the twenty-fourth day since Serena's recovery, Nate Archibald sat beside her the entire night, holding her hand. Because a very drunken Serena had succumbed to her impulses and a very besotted Nate had pulled back.

**A/N: I know this is a very late update. I am sorry! I probably deserve all the cuss words you want to throw at me right now. But please don't abandon me.**

**I am on vacation and my entire family gives me the death stare when I switch my laptop on. And I had the flu. Also, I was faced by the worst writers' block. And this chapter was so important, I didn't want to screw it up, so please excuse me this time. I'll be much more careful from now!**

**Also, there we go. It didn't take long for Serena to succumb to the charms of Nate Archibald. I hope you guys didn't feel I rushed into this. I deliberately left clues in the fourth chapter. I didn't want to write anything about the twenty-two days in the middle because it sounded monotonous and boring. But if you think I should've written something, let me know. I'll work something out, your opinions on this matter so much! There will however be more NJBC, hopefully so don't worry about that.**

**I hope you liked the plot twist with Dan and everything. You can hate him, yes. But this made sense to me because Dan was after all the guy who had stalked the UES because he was so obsessed with it. THIS was the reason, I didn't have him divorce Serena.**

**In this chapter Karma is actually Karma, (what goes around comes around thing) in case anyone got confused. Also, I used the words "realized" so much to connect it with the first paragraph. Like Serena realizing her feelings for Nate and the reality being that she's falling for him but she's denying it with all her might. And Nate realizing that Dan is being douche and the reality being that Dan doesn't really love Serena anymore but Nate denying this whole scenario and making excuses for him.**

**I hope you liked the kiss (I am not satisfied with it) But this was the first time I ever wrote a kissing scene and it will get better further on hopefully.**

**I wanted to update this on New Years' Eve but this took me like SEVENTY-TWO hours to write and I was a lazy bum. I am sorry. You guys left such lovely reviews for the last chapter, it had me feeling so guilty for the past three days for not updating! I love you guys. I have like the best people in the world reading this thing. YOU GUYS ARE SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOME. **

**Keep reveiwing! It makes my day. ILOVEYOU.**

**On a personal note: I have been doing some thinking lately (the last six years) and I have concluded that Chace Crawford is a fine specimen of the human race. He's so beautiful, I think I'll cry. Blake Lively is obviously love. SERENATE ARE AWESOME!**

**On a much more sane note: Happy New Year!**

**It 4.14 am here. Kindly ignore the grammatical errors that you will surely find here (This is the longest chapter yet!) I'll correct them as soon as I wake up in the morning. Thankyou.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer**: **Had Gossip Girl been mine, I probably wouldn't have made Dan exile his own sister from the UES, while she was in on it (On what planet does that even make sense?).**

At 5.00 in the morning, Nate carefully extracted his hand from underneath Serena's. He sighed, took a long look at her sleeping form and kissing her forehead gently he got up and left her house. Getting into his car, he tried to keep his head as vacuum of what had happened as he had tried to keep it for those six hours he had spent by her bedside. He failed just like he had been failing for the past six hours.

When he got into his car, his body was definitely heated up and his heart was thumping loud enough for him to hear. He, however refused to succumb to the tears that were begging to fall. He took one last moment to look at the window behind which Serena slept peacefully and then he reversed his car. During the short fifteen minute drive to his home, he replayed that kiss fifteen thousand times over in his head. Each time, the grip on the steering tightened and the pressure on the accelerator increased. His eyes were hazy, he couldn't see the road, and it was probably a miracle that Nate wasn't involved in a collision that night. Nate drove like he had never driven before, the lights around him were streaks of colors passing by his car, and he didn't pay any heed to obscenities people shouted at him for not being careful enough and he didn't feel the cool breeze piercing his skin. He concentrated on driving. He concentrated on suppressing his memories, he concentrated on not letting the guilt drown him and he concentrated on keeping his screams in his body.

He hit the brakes and heard the screech, almost reveling in the sound that was so like the one inside him fighting to get out. He got out of his car and banged the door shut with all the strength he could muster and with shaking hands, unlocked the main door. He almost ran to his bedside table, opened the drawer and fumbled around until he found that packet of cigarettes, and then Nate smoked. He smoked one, he then picked another, he then picked another and he kept smoking them till he lost count. He enjoyed the carbon poisoning his insides and the smoke escaping his mouth. He had done the very thing he was afraid he would do if he met Serena. He lost control.

With a surge of anger, Nate picked the vase that sat on his bedside table and threw it across the room, letting the sound of that crash wash over him. That sound which was so similar to the one his patience made as it came crumbling down. Nate had no idea how to wash away the guilt that was taking over him. Serena was drunk, he wasn't. He should have stopped her. He shouldn't have let things go out of hand like that. She was a married woman! A married woman, waiting for her husband. _And what did he do?_ He pretended to be her friend and then struck her when she was most vulnerable. He wanted to be her rock; he ended up losing control just like her. He remembered the taste of her lips on his own, the feel of her fingers playing with his hair, her breathy sighs, his name on her lips and the gasp she took when he bit her on the lobe her ear. His senses were on overdrive. He could hear her gasps, see her head thrown back, feel her lips, touch her skin and smell that scent on her body which was so Serena. It was all too much. The smoke in his lungs, the pictures in his head, the pounding of his heart, he couldn't take it anymore. He thought he will combust if he did and in pure frustration Nate punched the wall next to him with all the strength he had and felt the blood ooze out of his knuckles. He took in a breath. This relaxed him; physical pain was so much easier to bear than the emotional one.

He wanted it out. All of it. His emotions and his feelings and the memory of what had happened. He wanted to be at peace. _He wanted the peace he hadn't felt since all those years ago when he had met one Serena Van Der Woodsen_. He rushed into the washroom, screwed open the tap and put his head under the freezing water that spewed out of it. He closed his eyes, and with labored breath tried to forget all that had happened. He prayed that his guilt would wash away. He hadn't wanted this! He hadn't met Serena for thirty-six days because he was afraid of something like this happening. He hadn't intended it to happen. But it had and he had no idea how to fix it. He took his head out of the water and let the air hit him. He immediately wanted himself out of these clothes. So at 7.00 am, Nate Archibald threw himself on the bed clad only in his sweatpants, sure that Serena wouldn't even want to see his face in the morning.

Serena woke up exactly an hour after Nate fell asleep. And the first thing she noticed was that it was too damn bright. And her head was hurting. No, not hurting, pounding. Throbbing with pain. _And will the sun stop shining so much?_ It was a bad hangover, Serena realized. How much did she even drink last night? She needed some aspirin, badly. Shaky on her feet, Serena made her way over to the kitchen to fetch her first aid box and some water. It wasn't easy, she could feel the blood in her head, had to take support from every piece of furniture she found in the path of her bedroom and her kitchen and the nausea was definitely not helping. Once the aspirin started to take affect and the sun didn't seem so bright anymore and her head was hurting a bit less and the nausea toned down a bit, Serena started to recollect her thoughts. The very thoughts that consisted of the memories of the previous night. It didn't take long for all of it to come rushing back to her; Dan and her third proposal anniversary and him not calling, her thinking that Nate was out with Izzie, Her drinking herself pissed, Nate arriving without actually going out and her happiness at it. And then, Serena closed her eyes as it struck her. She had kissed Nate. In her drunken euphoria, Serena did the very same thing she had been scared about the whole time. Serena found breathing difficult. Her head was pounding far worse than it was when she had woken up and she felt tears well up in her eyes. What had she done? She snorted as the thought hit her. She had done the exact same thing she always does; she had dealt with her problems like she always had.

Serena remembered how Nate had pushed her off. She felt a sudden rush of gratitude towards him. She was practically throwing herself at him, at what did Nate do? He acted like the perfect gentleman and put her to bed, holding her had for who knows how long. She hated Nate right now, she really did. If only Nate would have let her do whatever she wanted, she would have woken up in the morning with someone to blame. But no, he had to be perfect about it. He had to stop her. _He just had to be so damn chivalrous, hadn't he?_ Serena hated Dan right now, if only the jackass would have called, she wouldn't have had an excuse to drink and none of this would have happened. Serena hated herself right now, because how many times did she want Nate to be the partner in her drunken escapades. She used him, all the time. And last night, she was sure she had come off to strong. She had probably scared him away. Here she was, mourning the fact that her husband had left her and the next moment she throws herself at the first man offering her emotional support. _Why does she have to go ahead and royally mess everything up like that?_ Every time.

Life had been going on pretty well. She was assured Dan wanted her back since the divorce papers hadn't arrived. She had Nate. She had Chuck and Blair. She was applying for a job. Nate was helping her get over her emotional stress. And then she pulled off a typical Serena! She had no idea how she would face Nate after last night. He wouldn't even want to look at her. Here he was offering all the moral support in the world and she was ready to use him as a toy. She let the tears flow and the sobs escape. What had she done? It had only been twenty three days since she had recollected herself. It took her a grand total of twenty three days to screw everything up. She sobbed. And she had no idea what to do. She screamed, letting it all out. Sitting on her kitchen floor, Serena Van Der Woodsen was clueless as to what to do next.

She wanted to talk to someone about it. She really did. She rushed to her bedroom and sought out her phone. Picking it up, she decided to call up Blair. She would knock some sense into her, Serena was sure. She was halfway through dialing her number, hands shaky and tears streaming down her face, when she stopped. _What would she tell Blair?_ That she had got drunk and kissed Nate? Blair would probably rub it in her face. Tell her that she should deal with the feelings she has. Calling Blair meant admitting she was right and Serena wasn't sure that at this precise moment she wanted to hear Blair's theory about her and Nate. Because it was Nate and she had hurt him and now was not the time to listen to Blair's fantasies. Calling Chuck up would mean calling Blair up. He would tell her everything. Serena felt trapped, the room suddenly felt devoid of oxygen and Serena threw her cell phone towards the other end of the room in complete anguish and watched as the back cover burst open and the battery fell out. She had no one to talk to. Absolutely no one. The guilt inside her was gnawing at her heart. The guilt of trying to use Nate and the guilt of almost cheating on her husband. Serena suddenly remembered how she and Nate had broken up all those years ago. She had kissed Dan. And now, when she was with Dan, she had turned around and pulled the exact same stunt with Nate. And Nate had it in his heart to forgive her for that, something told Serena Dan wouldn't. She burst into another fit of sobs. _What was she going to do?_

What was making her stomach churn however was that almost cheating on Dan wasn't making her feel as guilty as the fact that she had went ahead and tried to use Nate when all he had ever been was the best person she had ever come across. She had no idea why Nate did the things that he did for her. Wiping her eyes, she knew who she should talk to. She'll talk to Nate. As selfish as this sounded, she wanted the reassurance she knew only Nate could provide her. She battled with the voice in her head which told her that Nate probably didn't even want to see her. He had come banging inside her house when she had asked him to leave and stayed put. She would do that. She would go to his place and apologize profusely no matter what he says to her. _And even if he didn't listen to her apologies, told her not see him again and asked her to leave,__ she probably deserved it._ So she threw her rust coloured sleeveless dress on and rushed to Nate's.

It was 10.30 when Serena reached the front door of Nate's home. Breathing in deeply, Serena braced herself for what was to come and with quivering hands entered inside. She looked around, finally venturing in his bedroom when she couldn't find him anywhere. And he was there, sleeping. Serena looked around his bedroom to see his clothes strewn on the floor, a cigarette packet, half empty, on his bedside table at the shattered glass that once had been a vase. She felt bile rising in her throat. _Had she done this to him?_

She wanted to wake him up and tell him how absolutely sorry she was. And she would do anything to make it up to him. But what will she actually say? And waking someone up just to apologize was probably not the wisest call. It would be rude and inconsiderate of her. Besides Nate was never in his best mood in the morning. Serena had almost decided to go home when she stopped. When would be the next time she would actually gather this much courage to apologize to him? And wasn't owning up to your mistakes part of growing up? Did she really want to turn her back on all the aspects of her life she had worked so hard on in these past few days? Besides, what about _Nate_? Shouldn't he get a chance to tell her what she had done to him? Shouldn't he get the right to be angry and be apologized to? Serena shook her head, and with more courage than she had ever felt in her life, she shook him.

"Nate?" She called. He didn't move.

"Natie?" She called a bit louder this time, her voice choking on her nickname for him. Nate stirred at the sound of her voice this time. He turned around to face her and opened one eye. Serena saw the surprise that dawned on her face and how the relax features of his face tensed up at the sight of her and Serena felt all her courage leave her.

"Hi?" She said weakly. Nate sat up straight at the speed of a bullet.

"What are you doing here?" Nate asked, shocked.

His words were like a blow to Serena's heart. He was angry then. And knowing that she deserved it wasn't making it any easier to bear.

"Nate, I wanted to talk about last night." Serena began, unsure.

Nate felt dread fill him. Here it was; her rightful anger. Her questions and her accusations and Nate didn't know if he wanted to deal with it the first thing in the morning. Maybe if somehow he can apologize, get her to understand that things like this wouldn't happen again.

"Serena I – "

"No Nate! Let me get this out." Serena shrieked to interrupt him because had no idea how to keep this inside of her longer than he already had.

Nate prepared himself for the blow. It would come. She was obviously angry. And she won't even listen to his apologies anymore. So he waited for her to tell him that they should stop what they are doing and keep their meetings to a minimum. He clenched his eyes shut for what was to come.

"I am sorry Nate! I am sorry for being so horrible!" Nate's eyes flew open to look at Serena. Her eyes were bright because of unshed tears and she looked at him like he would be mad at her for some unfathomable reason. When really she should be angry at him! Nate opened his mouth to say something but Serena cut him off before he could get the words are out.

"No please Nate! Let me finish!" She almost pleaded, because she needed him to forgive her. Because he was Nate and she was Serena and what would she do without him? "I know you are mad at me. You should be!" She ignored the shaking of his head.

"Serena – "

"No Nate! I was a bitch. I realize that. You were there for so long. Being my rock, my support and everything that I needed and I threw away all respect for that last night. And shout at me Nate! Scream at me! Tell me how horrible I am but please don't give me the silent treatment." Tears were flowing freely down her face. She was scared and embarrassed and unhappy and _oh so sorry_. "Forgive me Nate. Please? Forgive me one more time? I can't afford to lose you." Serena's voice had hushed down to a whisper at the end of her sentence. She had no idea what she would do if after all of this Nate would ask her to leave.

"Oh Serena!" Nate began, taking her face in his hands and caressing her cheeks like he did. "You don't need to apologize for anything." Serena just stared at him with wide eyes. What was he on? Of course she had to apologize for what she did last night.

"If anything, I should apologize to you!" Serena gaped like a fish in response. "You were drunk and vulnerable last night, and I knew that. So when you kissed me, I should have pushed you away. But what did I do?" Nate said looking away, feeling disgusted with himself. What had he done! "I kissed you right back when I should have stopped you!"

"But you did stop me, remember – "

"Not immediately!" Nate said. "I am so sorry Serena. Forgive me?" He begged, looking into her eyes.

Serena just stared at him in disbelief. Was he really apologizing for last night?

"You don't have to apologize for last night Nate!" Serena began.

"But I do –"

"No you don't!"

"But what I did –"

"What you did was chivalrous. You put a stop to it before it got out of hand. You have no idea how grateful I am for that." Serena told him, sincerity dripping from her voice and her eyes soft.

"So you forgive me?" Nate asked.

"There was nothing to forgive on my end. Do you forgive me?" She asked him. Because she knew that no matter what Nate felt, she was the one who had succumbed last night.

"Why are you apologizing? You were drunk and sad and vulnerable and I was a douchebag."

"Oh Nate! Shut up!" Serena replied clearly annoyed now. She wanted to punch him for judging himself so harshly and being so forgiving about everything. So she did just that. She punched him as hard as she could have on his chest and then hugged him. Because, Nate Archibald was her guardian angel. He was this wonderful man who thought that he had taken advantage of her when he had done anything but that. She felt herself tearing up again as she felt Nate's arm around her shoulders and his free had running through his hair. What had she done to deserve him? She felt his heartbeat right below where her cheek rested on his naked chest.

After five minutes of staying in Nate's arms like that, five minutes of bliss, Serena voiced her fears to him.

"Nate?" She said quietly, her head still on his chest.

"Hmm?" He replied lazily, enough to indicate that he was paying attention. His hands still playing with her hair.

"Am I a bad person?" She asked pulling away. And Nate looked into her eyes surprised. She continued, to make herself clear. "I mean, last night and Dan and everything." She said, her fear not allowing her to spew the exact words out.

Nate felt a dull pang in his chest. A reminder that she regretted kissing him, because she was still in love with Dan. He decided to push that away. Now was not the time.

"You're a good person, the best I've ever met." He told her.

She smiled, but continued nonetheless. "But Nate – "

"Serena, you were drunk. Whatever happened, it was moment of weakness that no one needs to know about." He said, sounding much more confident than he was last night.

"But what if –"

"Nothing is going to happen." He assured her. "What Dan doesn't know wouldn't hurt him." He said pulling her back to him, knowing full well, that what Dan had planned to do was far worse than what happened last night.

So they sat there embracing each other. At peace that the other one wasn't mad at them. That was until, Serena's pointer lightly made a trail down Nate's spine and he shivered.

"Archibald, are you ticklish on your spine?" She asked him, looking up, arms still wound around his waist.

"No." Nate denied, quivering as her fingers continued to make lazy patterns on his bare back. "Okay, maybe a little." He said giving in.

Serena continued with her ministrations, and Nate had no idea if he was shuddering because he was ticklish or because Serena's fingers were playing on his bare back with her chest pressed to his and her looking at him with _those eyes._

"Serena you need to stop." Nate informed her.

"What if I don't want to?" Serena asked, a smirk playing on her lips.

"Then I know place where you are ticklish." He said and then suddenly his fingers were on her ribs and the room rung with the sound of Serena's squeals. And they were lying on his bed with Nate on top of her; practically straddling her and his fingers were working hard on her sides. And Serena was laughing and tears of mirth were rolling down her eyes, and Nate was laughing alongside her because she was laughing. Serena felt her lungs burn because of shortness of breath and she finally shouted "Mercy!" before Nate stopped. And they stayed like that for a while. Him on top of her, shirtless. Her pressed between him and the mattress, both trying to catch their breath.

And then Serena looked into Nate's eyes, all hilarity gone. "Nate we're all right? No awkwardness?"

"It's you and me Serena. We will always be all right." He reassured her.

He was wrong. Nothing was all right. For the next two days, images of him shirtless on top of her plagued Serena's mind. She was all too aware of the fact that Nate was probably the nicest soul she had ever come across in her life. She was all too aware that Nate's feelings had superseded Dan's feelings in her moment of panic after the kiss. She was all too aware of the way his body felt pressed up to her. She was all too aware that had this been mere physical attraction, it would have worn off after that kiss, but _Dear Lord No!_ If anything it had become stronger. Stronger because of the way he looked at her and had forgiven her so easily and had held her in her arms like that. And he did all the little things for her that no one ever did. How he ruffled her hair and caressed her cheeks. Or reassured her about her job application. Offered her pop tarts to make her smile. Tucked him in his bed when she would fall asleep on his couch and took the guest room. Made her smile, teased her, made her laugh and remained the perfect person that he was. She knew she was jealous of Izzie that night. And she knew all of this had to stop! She was married to Dan! And she loved him. Because that is how things were supposed to be. Besides her feelings would only drive Nate away, she was sure.

So Serena came up with another one of her brilliant plans that were doomed to fail. In her twisted mind, with some twisted logic, Serena reached the conclusion that if she asked Nate to take her on the date he had promised her as a bet, it would solve her problems. Because Serena could swear on her life then that Nate would fail to win that bet. And well, she figured, she would realize that what she had with Nate wasn't better than what she had with Dan and she will go back to being the loyal mourning wife that she was before her heart had taken control of her body. Blair would have _facepalmed_ herself had she heard the logic.

So two days later after their apologies, Serena walked in Nate's office at 2 pm.

"Archibald, the bet you made with me. About that date? Yeah well it's time you proved the fairytale theory." She told him shortly.

Nate just looked at her, raised his eyebrows and determined to prove himself right replied "Tomorrow, at eight in the evening. I'll pick you up. Be ready. And don't wear anything too formal." He said.

So four days after Serena had set him up with someone else. Three days after they had kissed. And two days after they had apologized to each other profusely for it, Nate and Serena would be going out on a date. Because this was Nate and Serena, and hardly anything made sense.

**A/N: Alright. Late update. I realize that. But my college reopened. And I was already sick and stuff so the studies and the stress kind of got to me and I passed out, ended up in a hospital for a night. So yeah.**

**And my college reopened and my midterms results and homework assignments consumed me to do pretty much anything else. So yeah that too.**

**I will try to update the next chapter as soon as possible. No promises this time. But hopefully sooner than this. I am so sorry.**

**Alright, about the chapter: I kind of liked the fact that Serena is making an effort to not let Nate go. Also, I realized I like writing sad Nate more than writing a happy Nate. It's just fun to write him when he is vulnerable. I know this is a shorter chapter but this needed to be done in order to get Serena's feelings to grow. I initially planned to include the date in this chapter. But didn't do it for two reasons. Number one: It didn't make sense to write a date right after they apologized for kissing each other. Number two: Both these topics, I realized, needed there own different chapters.**

**About the next chapter: The date is coming up :D And well, it's going to be exciting.**

**Also, I would really like to know you guys better because you have been such lovely reviewers and supported me during my first fanfiction. And encouraged me with all your positive responses, so when you drop your review, if you feel up to it tell me something about yourself that I couldn't figure out from your profiles.**

**For example:**

**I got a distinction in Economics and History in my midterms and badly flunked Math.**

**When those pictures of Blake and Chace came out of their vacation in Miami, I was so ecstatic, I don't think I will ever be that happy again.**

**I adore Roger Federer!**

**See, something like that. Because I would really like to know you guys!**

**But even if you don't want to tell me about yourself, it's okay I understand :D**

**Please Review! Please. Don't let that go down. There is a reason I was hospitalized and making notes on this Chapter! It's because of your reviews so keep me motivated like that.**

**This A/N was frikkin long! Anyways the next Chapter is going to be good hopefully, until then, Ciao! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: If Gossip Girl had been mine, you would probably have irregular and at times, extremely long breaks between all the episodes. (I apologize profusely.)**

Nate arrived at Serena's house with a bunch of violet orchids in hand at precisely 7.58pm. Checked his breath, glanced at his wrist watch and knocked. This was supposed to be the date of the crappy romance novels and Nate Archibald had decided to go old school – pick the girl up, present her with flowers and well, it's a date.

He raised his arms to knock again but before he could do so, Serena opened the door and his breath got caught somewhere between his chest and his throat. She was dressed in a black strapless top and dark blue denim jeans. Her hair like thick gold thread, tied high up in a pony-tail with the ends of her curls dancing on the nape of her neck, around which her arms were struggling with the hook of her locket. Nate positively had to suck in the oxygen from the air around him, because suddenly his heart has stopped and was refusing to function.

She smiled when she saw him; her smile grew wider when she saw the flowers in his hand. She felt waves of condensed warmth in the pit of her stomach at his attempted chivalry. "Are those for me?" She asked, pointing at the flowers.

"Oh, erm… yeah." He said, suddenly brought back to Earth.

Serena looked at him pointedly and raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, right. I am sorry." Nate said, handing her the flowers. He felt the heat rise to his cheeks. _Smooth Nate, real smooth._

Serena saw him eye her outfit and suddenly she felt nervous under his piercing gaze, "Erm, is everything okay?" She asked hesitantly, fidgeting with the hem of her blouse. "I mean, you said nothing too formal…"

Nate suddenly realized the message he might be getting across. "No, no!" He said, freeing the fabric of her shirt from her fidgety grasp and clasping her hand into his own. "It's just that," he swallowed the lump in his throat. "You look really… erm, you look wonderful Serena." He whispered out.

That was the first of the many times that Serena felt butterflies in her stomach that night.

"Aren't the men in those crappy romance novels supposed to be a bit more suave than this?" She teased smirking, determined to win this war against the sparks and the butterflies and Nate's fairytale logic.

"I know right?" Nate said, looking amused. "Totally botched up my grand entrance there! Darn it. Let's do it all over again." He said, suddenly taking the flowers from her hand and exiting the apartment. Before Serena could overcome her confusion, she heard the tapping of knuckles against the wood of her door. She giggled at his antics. Opening the door, she leaned against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest.

"Hello Serena, you look stunning sweetheart." Nate almost belched on the term of endearment and he saw Serena's lips twitch into a badly concealed smile.

"You don't look so shabby yourself." And well, that much was true. Nate Archibald did look quite delicious in his grey sweater, white button down and dark jeans. With his hair messed up effortlessly and smirk in place.

"Flowers for my lady." He said offering her the orchids. Serena couldn't help herself then. She burst out laughing.

"My lady? Really, Nate?" She asked in between her chuckles.

Nate smiled at her. "Isn't this how things go about in crappy romance novels?" He asked, grinning.

"Yes, Romance books set in Britain during the 1800s." She said laughing. "Although I must say, this is classy." She said looking towards the orchids.

"Yeah well, I thought red roses were the cliché of all clichés. So yeah, these." He said.

"I am impressed." Serena told him.

"All right. You don't need to counter the "My lady" move with a fake British accent." Nate said laughing.

Serena laughed. "Yeah, that was a bit pathetic, wasn't it?" She asked, abashed.

"About just as pathetic as the "My Lady" move." Nate informed her solemnly.

Serena punched him in the chest and giggled. Nate smiled down at her.

"Ready to go, then?" He asked as she put the flowers in a vase on her center table.

"Yeah, just help me with this?" She asked, raising the locket.

"Yeah, sure." Nate replied taking the locket from her.

She turned around and removed the hair from the nape of her neck to give Nate perfect access to her creamy skin. Nate sucked in a breath, cleared his head and tried to focus on the task at hand – the locket. He placed it around Serena's neck and tried to unclasp the lock on it, but it wouldn't budge.

"Erm, Serena, it's stuck." Nate informed her, quite lamely to his own ears.

"I know Captain Obvious." Serena replied.

"I can _feel_ you roll your eyes at me." Nate chided her.

"I am sorry." She apologized, not sounding sorry at all. Nate gave into the smile creeping on his lips. "Help me, though."

"Alright." Nate replied, after some time. He bent and took the lock in his mouth, pulling on the lever with his teeth. Serena's breath caught in her throat. _What was he upto?_ She felt the release of his breath on the back of her neck and goose bumps all over her body. She felt his tongue brush the skin above her spine. It was too much. The air was closing in on her and it was too warm. All of it. The beat of heart against her back and the erratic thumping of her own. The raised body temperature. The flush that she knew was making itself visible on her cheek. The full-grown monster inside her, telling her to turn around and claim his lips with her own. Instead, she chose to bite on them. Her lips that is. She bit on her bottom lips, in a painful attempt to control herself. She felt her eyes drifting close and the pressure build on her lips; till she was sure that pressing any harder would cause them to bleed. She needed to regain control, but this loss of control, this helplessness in his arms was electrifying, intoxicating. It filled her senses and made her incapable of anything other than feeling him. This was all too wrong. Sinful. Delicious. All of it. And before Serena knew what had happened, Nate moved back.

"There, done." He told Serena, breaking her out of her reverie.

"Oh, thank you." She couldn't remember the last time she was so angry at a piece of jewelry. Gulping, she realized her throat was dry as sand paper, and her body was heated.

"Ready to go?" If Nate noticed any change in behavior, he didn't mention it.

Serena just nodded in response, too breathless to form coherent sentences.

"All right then, Van Der Woodsen. Let's get going." Nate replied, rubbing his hands and offering her his arm.

Serena smiled and proceeded to wound her arm around his.

Nate walked her out of her home.

"So, where are we going?" Serena asked him.

"Where do you want to go? He countered.

"Where do _I _want to go?" Serena asked a bit surprised. "Don't you have reservations?"

"Erm. Was I supposed to?" Nate asked, without looking at her.

"Yes, you were!" Serena replied, "How will we get dinner tonight?"

"Oh, _how will we?"_ Nate mocked.

"So, the guy just leaves the girl starving in your fairytales?" She asked.

Nate bit his lip and looked at her. "Do you even realize the double entendre there?" He asked, conspiratorially.

Serena repeated the sentence in her head and Nate saw realization strike her as her eyes grew wide. "Eww. Nate! No." Serena's disgust lost to Nate's hearty laugh and she couldn't help but let out a small one of her own and shake her head.

"Anyways," Serena continued, still smiling, "Where's your car?"

"Yeah, about that." Nate began. And Serena looked at him worried, eyebrows scrunched. "See, I don't have my car." He told her.

Serena gaped at him, and Nate just enjoyed her facial expression. "How did you even get here?" Serena asked, letting out the first coherent sentence that came to mind.

"Oh, I took a cab." Nate informed her lightly.

Serena looked at him incredulously. "So let's get this straight." She turned to face him, crossing her arms across her chest. "You don't have a car?"

Nate shook his head.

"You haven't made any reservations."

Nate shook his head again.

"You have nothing planned out for this date."

Nate shook his head yet again.

"And we are walking out of my house and you don't have the slightest idea where we are headed."

Some more shaking of the head.

"You really think you're going to win this bet?" She finally asked him.

This time, Nate nodded. A nod and a smirk and the air of confidence around him.

"Let's do this." He lightly suggested, throwing his arms around her shoulder and pulling her closer to him. "Let's walk from your place to mine and see where we end up."

And with that, they walked out of Serena's house and towards Nate's.

"Your house is far away." She complained about thirty seconds after they left hers.

"Never would've known." He replied

Serena elbowed him in the gut. "Don't get snarky with me Archibald. It doesn't help your chances to win this bet."

Nate pulled at her arm and drew him close to his body. "Who needs to win a bet, when I am out on date with you?" He whispered.

Maybe, just maybe, Nate Archibald will win the bet tonight.

"You could've at least warned me." Serena said, attempting to change the subject.

"Where's the spontaneity in that?"

"Predictability over long walks in high heels any day."

"I told you to dress casual." He defended.

"You told me to not wear anything too formal." She rebutted.

"Anything not too formal would include those heels." He argued right back, glancing at her feet. "Wow, Serena. How are you even walking in those?"

"The pains a woman bears to impress her date."

"And here I thought you wanted the date to go lousy." Nate smirked.

Serena just looked at him, wide-eyed. She hadn't even thought about that! If only she would've dressed badly, she would have won half the bet. But oh no, instead she spent two hours fretting over what to wear. She spent one hundred and twenty minutes of her life, trying to choose the perfect dress to impress Nate Archibald. She really needed to get herself together, if she wanted to win this. Serena tried to remind herself, why this was important to her. But then she glanced at Nate and he was looking ahead, a smile on his lips and his eyes dreamy. She realized how comfortable she felt with his arms flung around her and, her body pressed to his chest. She noticed how soothing the silence between them was. And suddenly, she couldn't quite formulate a coherent thought as to why winning the bet was important in the first place.

She shook her head; this is not how it was supposed to be.

"You know, the more you think about the bet, the worse this well get for you." He interrupted his thoughts.

"I wasn't thinking about the bet." Serena lied.

"Yes, you were."

"So now you can read my mind?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I can read _you_." She was duly informed.

Serena hadn't been keeping score, but she was fairly certain it must read something like – Nate: 999 Serena: 0.

"So you know me?" She prodded, refusing to shy away from Nate's advances and making sure to ignore the flutters in her heart.

"After twenty-four years? Yeah. A bit." Nate replied, shrugging.

"Over-confidence, that."

"Oh, anything but over-confidence. I know you, S." Nate proceeded to make clear.

"All right, so what do you know about me?" Serena questioned.

Nate looked at her confused, frown lines marring his forehead. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you said you know me. So what do you know?" Serena asked him again, slightly teasing.

"You want me to dive into a list of things, I know about you?" Nate asked her, surprised.

"That is the general idea, yes." He was informed.

"All right then. Brace yourself." Nate took in a deep sigh and began. "Your favourite colour is blue. The blue of the ocean after a storm. Your favourite fruit is orange, although you hate the artificial flavor. Favourite beverage is coffee. You prefer your drinks on the rocks. You tear up when you watch Titanic, but practically bawl your eyes out when Mufasa dies in The Lion King. Your favourite Disney Princess is Belle, because according to you she isn't a damsel in distress who needs a prince." Nate turned to look at her and found her with her eyebrows raised so high, he was afraid they'll get lost in her hairline.

"You wanted to be a dancer when you were seven, but your first dance class was a disaster." Nate continued. "You had a crush on Mike Thomas when we were twelve and you wrote him an elaborate letter declaring your undying love for him. But you never gave it to him because he told you that you weren't as pretty as you thought you were. You were more than that Serena, the guy was a douche. Anyway, you butter both sides of your toast and eat it with jelly, which is insane, by the way. You think that Brad Pitt should have stayed with Anniston instead of going to Jolie, even though it's none of your concern. You act interested in whatever I say about work even though you don't have the slightest idea what's the state of New York politics." He smirked at that.

"You don't want to run away from your problems anymore. Even though all of us are equally big messes, you freak out on your tiniest mistake as if it makes you worse than any of us. It doesn't. You're allowed to make mistakes Serena, don't feel so guilty about it. You waited for thirty-six days for me to show up after Dan walked out but you didn't call. Because you didn't want to bother me or because you didn't want to come across as needy or maybe, both. The only reason you're on a date with me right now, is to fill the space Dan has left in your heart. I don't know how, but you decided that this date could make you feel that Dan loves you. You don't have to do that, I am sure he does." Nate ignored the jab at his heart. It wasn't easy to admit that he knew he was a temporary fix in Dan's absence. But well, he was on a date with her and he needed to let it out. Because this feeling, this piece of information, he wanted out of his system. It was like an itch inside his body he couldn't get rid of. Finally saying it out loud made him feel so much better.

"Erm…" Serena interrupted, swallowing the lump in her throat and blinking away the wetness from her eyes, "Yeah. You're wrong about the last one." She told him. "Me, being here with you, it has nothing to do with you filling up the empty space Dan has left." _It's about me, trying to convince myself that I am not letting that happen. But I don't even know if it's about that now or not. _Serena didn't say the last part. It scared her.

They were silent for some time, the peaceful silence. The comfortable one. The one with questions buzzing in your head. The one where you are assured that those questions could be asked later. It was quiet before Nate interrupted.

"So?" Nate asked. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Oh, are we having any?" Serena asked, laughing.

"Of course we are." Nate said, pretending to look affronted and placing his hand over his heart.

"What's on the menu, then?" Nate looked around to see where they were. It was a mildly crowded street, quite a number of buildings around them. There was a park; he could make out the swing and benches lined the pavement. Streetlights lit the road, laughter emitted by strangers filled the air drums, the breeze was cool and crisp, the sky cloudless and starlit. It was very much like in those crappy romantic novels.

"I could make out a hot-dog stand. And a fish-and-chips one." Nate said, still looking around.

"Is that Barbeque?" Serena asked, pointing somewhere to her right. Nate turned to look.

"Yup, Barbeque and next to it some dumpling." Nate told her.

"And what is that guy selling?" Serena said pointing to a guy sitting next to an empty stand.

"Pretty sure that's weed." Nate said.

Serena opened her mouth but before she could say anything, Nate interrupted her. "No Serena, nobody gets high in fairytales."

"Pretty sure, Cinderella was high. She talked to rats and birds."

Nate shook his head. "She wasn't high, just anti-social."

"Damn. Hot-dog it is, then."

Nate chuckled, "Alright then." He moved in front of her to place their orders. Perhaps, that was when Serena found enough time to look around her and truly_ notice_ what was happening. There was giggling, and lots of it. Serena turned her head to find the source, and sure enough there were a couple of girls, pointing at Nate, giggling and blushing like mad. Serena just rolled her eyes in response.

Discretely, she moved forward and held his bicep.

"Come on, let's take the food to that park." She told him, pointing ahead.

Nate looked at her perplexed, and looked around to see what bothered her. He smirked when he found the group of those giggling girls, picking up their packet he gestured for Serena to come with him. Still holding on to his arm, she followed.

"You know Serena, if I didn't know better; I'd think you were jealous." Nate almost growled.

Serena bit her lip. Maybe he didn't know better.

"Well, then it's a good thing that you do." Serena falsely teased. Nate nodded in response.

The park was isolated, the two of them being the only customers. She took her place on a swing and Nate sat on the ground in front of her, biting into his hotdog. Serena watched mesmerized, as his pink tongue came out to lick the mustard off his lower lip and his teeth sunk into it, lightly sucking the remains off. She felt her throat constricting and her cheeks heating up in spite of the cool breeze. Her traitorous string of thought was broken by Nate waving his hands in front of her.

"Earth to Serena?" He said, clearly amused at her expense.

She blinked to gain focus. Honestly, she needed to stop acting like a teenager with her hormones on overdrive. _What better would it make her than those girls back there, giggling and blushing?_

"You were saying something?" She asked him.

"No, I wasn't saying anything." Nate replied, smiling. "What were _you_ thinking?"

"Thinking?" She asked. _Staring more like_.

"You were staring into space, eyes very much unfocused. I assumed there were thoughts going through your head." Nate asked; hints of sarcasm evident.

"I wasn't thinking anything." She lied. _Because really, what else would a hopelessly confused and conflicted human being do?_

"Come on Serena, tell me. What was it?" Nate asked, shifting his position so that his back rested against the pole of her swing. He looked up at her inquisitively.

"I was just wondering…" Nate nodded for her to carry on. "Aren't Princes in fairytales supposed to do something more lavish than a walk down the street?"

"I suppose they are." Nate nodded in response and Serena felt relief wash over her as he took the bait. "But you aren't the girl who falls for Prince Charmings."

"Aren't I?"

Nate shook his head. "You're the girl who searches for Aladdin." He informed her. "The boy on the street who, in spite of all his flaws, has a good heart." Nate felt the bitter taste of unrequited love in his mouth. But that much was true, he was assured. He was the Prince Charming and Dan was Aladdin, and well everybody knew how that ended.

Serena nodded in response.

"So I reckoned, lets tone the date down a bit." Nate said, ignoring the repeated pangs in his chest. He had become good at this, the ignoring part. Or maybe, he had just grown numb.

Serena nodded again. She watched as he hooked the mouth of the cola bottle to his lips and took in a hearty gulp.

"Well, you certainly did your homework." She told him.

"It wasn't necessary, I know you." He replied confidently.

Serena opened her mouth to voice her thoughts but closed them before he saw. Now was not the time to wonder if Aladdin changed after he became Prince, she decided. Deep in her heart, she knew that Aladdin would never have chosen the running of Arabagh over Jasmine's happiness. She knew that Aladdin was content just as he was initially, without the gold and the robes. She knew that when Jasmine fell in love with him she didn't know that he was a street rat. Jasmine wasn't looking for a different world, she was looking for love and she found that love in Aladdin, irrespective of the world he came from. She knew that Jasmine wouldn't have loved him, if he indeed did change. Maybe Serena didn't realize it, was in denial or maybe just completely blind to the fact, but the world believes that had Aladdin been just the way he was, mischievous and helpful and a listener and a little too over confident when he was not underestimating himself, Jasmine would have fallen for him even if he was just as rich as she was.

Serena watched as Nate scrunched the wrapper into a ball and proceeded to stand up. She hurriedly finished her last bite and brushing the crumbs off her clothes followed suit.

"Serena, I was wondering –" He stopped mid-sentence. "What?" He asked, suddenly feeling conscious as she looked at him.

She shook her head. "Nothing, you just have bit of ketchup." She replied pointing towards his face.

"Oh." Was all he said, before he lifted his hand to wipe it off. "Is it gone?" He asked.

Serena shook her head. "Let me get it for you."

Then everything turned into slow motion like those crappy movies where they focused too long on the hand of their heroine as it makes its way to the corner of the hero's lips and trace patterns there. Her fingernails painted and their eyes looking, they say, into each other's souls. That speck of ketchup doesn't matter anymore. _Did it ever really? _All that matters, all that ever really did, was the constant thrumming of the hearts and the warmth of her fingers and the electricity in the souls.

"So, what else do they do in fairytales?" She asked, her voice a quite hum, his heart a loud thud and her fingers still very much on his lips.

"They dance, I suppose." His voice hoarse, her breathing irregular and his eyes very much on hers.

"Without music?"

"Oh but there is music." He said, lightly taking her hand on his lips and twirling her around. He pulled her to him then, her back pressed against his chest. His heart beating in rhythm with hers. She felt his breath on her earlobe. "Listen closely, do you hear the leaves rustling?" He whispered. Serena closed her eyes, and nodded. He spun her on his arm, so that when Serena opened her eyes she had her hand in his and was standing an arm's length away. With a jerk, he pulled her towards him and Serena grabbed on to his shoulder, her eyes wide in surprise and his showing no emotion, just intensity. He placed his arms on her waist and swayed. Chest pressed against chest. He bent down and spoke softly, "Can you hear the wind roaring?" Serena didn't find it in herself to respond this time, her breathing too shallow. Nate spun her again, holding onto his finger, she spun and spun and spun and Nate wouldn't let her stop and suddenly there was music all around. Music that only she could hear and he could hear and her eyes were closed and the wind roared and the leaves rustled and there was _Serena and Nate_ and _Nate and Serena _and she didn't know when but Nate had let go of her and she was spinning and spinning and spinning because she didn't want to stop. She suddenly felt a hand on her waist, and Nate pulled her towards himself. She opened the eyes that reflected ecstasy to stare into the one that burned fire. Nate took her hand and placed it on her chest, just above her heart and then on his. "Do you hear our hearts beating, Serena?" He asked. She smiled, his heart beat at the same pace as hers, the same rhythm. He dipped her this time; she felt his lips trace a path on her neck, lightly kissing her pulse point. She gasped and took hold of his hair. Her senses in an overdrive. Nate looked up at her, cheeks flushed, eyes closed, smile in place. "Do you hear us Serena? The two of us?" He asked hoarsely. Serena let a tear fall.

Their routine was concluded by the sound of clapping. Brought out of their personal paradise, Nate and Serena turned around to see an elderly couple smiling at them.

"Young love." The woman gushed.

Serena tried not to blush. Nate tried to make sense of whatever these two people were speaking. He was too caught up in what was happening mere moment ago.

"Don't let her go young man, she's a beautiful girl who deserves to be cherished." Nate heard the old man address him.

"You two make a lovely couple." Said the woman.

Finally gathering his senses, Nate opened his mouth to reply. "Oh no, we're not a –"

"Thank you." Serena interrupted before Nate could finish.

Nate bit back his smile.

As Serena and Nate made their way further into the date, and on to his home, Serena finally decided to voice the thought that had been plaguing her since she saw him in that blue suit at her wedding.

"I am sorry, Nate." Upon Nate's look of genuine confusion, Serena continued. "All those years ago, I promised you, we'll give us another chance."

Nate sucked in a breath. That promise which haunted him. That moment when he had allowed her to walk from him so completely. That memory and the _what ifs_ that came with it. _What if he had held onto her? To them? Taken a break, like she had suggested? Where would they be now? _Nate shook his head.

"I wouldn't hold you onto that one, Serena." Nate replied.

"But Nate, I do this to you, don't I. I walk away, every time. You are always the one holding on." Serena babbled on, her guilt now bursting out of her. "Even when I am in need, I want you to come to me, instead of me approaching you. It's always been like this, my messes that you are left to deal with and–"

"Serena it's nothing –"

"No." Serena stopped him. "It is. You told me you loved me. Told me, over and over again. And what did I do? You always fought for us Nate. Our friendship. Our happiness. Our love. You told me you loved me. And I screwed up everything. I am so sorry Nate, I –"

"Don't."

Serena turned to look at him inquisitively, and Nate raised his head to meet her eyes.

"Don't be sorry. I am not. I'll never be sorry for falling in love with you Serena. I cherish it. It's a part of me that I treasure, don't cheapen it like that." Nate requested, his voice small.

"You loved me, and I left you, Nate."

"And that was my problem to deal with Serena, not yours. You don't get to feel guilty for not loving me."

_Oh, but she did. Even today, she can't look back at the moment and say that she didn't love Nate when she walked away from him. She did. She always did._

"Nate, I – "

"No Serena, I didn't fall in love with you on the condition that you'll fall for me too." That is the only thought that got Nate Archibald going, after all. "I just did. And I'll never regret that."

Serena silently entwined his fingers in hers and continued to walk. Upon Nate's raised eyebrows, she quietly responded, "Dates are supposed to hold hands in fairytales."

When they reached his home, Nate sighed.

"So this is it, then." He said. "The Grand Finale."

Serena giggled. She followed him inside and into his lawn. Making her stand in the middle of it, Nate told her to stay.

"What am I supposed to wait for?" She called after his retreating back.

"You'll see." Was all she heard.

And suddenly the sprinklers in his lawn came to life, and Serena shrieked.

"Oh my God! Nate! I am drenched." She said, moving towards his porch. Nate came in, held her hand and moved her towards the lawn again.

And then he looked her in the eyes, as water splayed on both of them and made its way down their eyelashes.

"Every princess should be kissed in the rain." And then he bent down, lightly grazing the corner of her lips and Serena closed her eyes and sighed. In that moment, Nate Archibald won the bet. He won the bet when he had arrived on her door. He had won it before it was even placed. Nate Archibald had won this bet when Serena had introduced her sunshine self to his shy one in kindergarten when they were five. Because with Nate Archibald, it was always _always_ fairytales.

The drive back home, was a quiet on. Serena would smile in intervals and slightly graze Nate's hand which would make him smile. And they really didn't want to say anything, because just like this, they were so content. Whatever might come tomorrow, they had had this night and it would get him through for quite some while.

Nate opened the door to her house and walked in after her.

"Nate, I just want to say that –" But then her eyes fell upon the packet on her center table. It hadn't been there when they had left, Serena realized. She licked her lips and opened it.

Serena felt as if someone had sucked the oxygen out of the room, and her chest constricted painfully and Serena had absolutely no idea what had happened or what was going on, all she was very much aware of was her world crashing down around her.

"Serena?" She heard Nate call. She didn't respond, couldn't respond. She was afraid of the noise that will leave her mouth if she opened it.

"Serena?" He called again, moving forward, genuinely scared now.

He turned her around to face her, only to find her expressionless and cold. "Serena?"

In reply she just handed out the papers towards. He took the papers from her and looked. Nate felt someone punch him in the gut. _Divorce Papers. _

Nate threw them on the table and turned to face Serena. He shook her a bit, called out her name over and over. Because he was genuinely scared now. Nate wanted Serena to cry, he wanted her to scream. Nate wanted her to show _some_ emotion. Because, Nate knew this silence. It was the silence before the storm. This was Serena before her downward spiral and Nate had no idea how to shake her out of it.

"Follow me." She took his hand and led him into the bedroom. She opened her wardrobe as he looked on and pulled out a bright yellow dress. "You see this?" She asked him, shoving the piece of clothing in his face. "I hate this. It looks horrible on me. I still wore it to my second Anniversary because he bought it for me." With that she threw the cloth on the floor. She bent down to reach something in the shelf. Throwing off everything that was in the way. Pulling out a cookery book, she handed it over to Nate. "I didn't know how to cook." She said. "I learnt it for him. So that I could make him his favourite steak. He never had time for dinner!"

She walked out of the room, still holding Nate's hand and brought him back to her living room. She pointed towards a nail on the wall. "You see this?" She asked pointing towards the empty space on the wall. "This is where his Journalism Honor rested. He took it with him when he left." She screamed, shaking Nate. "The ball for this was on my birthday. Guess what we celebrated. _The Honor._ Because I was so happy for him!" Serena tried to clarify.

"I tried to be a perfect wife, Nate!" Her body wrecked with sobs. "I tried to do everything that could have been expected of me. I cooked and I wore and I celebrated, so why was I never good enough. Where did it go wrong?" Serena shook him as she asked, her eyes bloodshot and wild, tears streaming down her face. And then suddenly she stopped, as if she had realized something. "There must be something about the way I look, then." She concluded. "Look at me Nate, I mean –"

And with horror, Nate realized what Serena was planning to do. Hurriedly he caught her hand, before she could unzip her top. Holding her hand in his, Nate silently shook his head. Cradling her face, in his palm, he whispered, "You're wonderful Serena."

"Then why doesn't he see that! He didn't meet me for two months, Nate!" She screamed. "He didn't come to my house for two months but he had the time to leave those papers here!" She cried. And Nate let her. She sobbed and broke down in his arms and Nate didn't say a word. It wasn't the time to say anything, he had let her all out. All of it. The pain, the regret, the memories… everything. She had fed the pain inside her for too long, he wouldn't stop her right now. So Serena cried till she was too exhausted to stay awake. And Nate didn't interrupt her, because how could he? But he was scared. Scared of what had happened. Scared of how she had reacted. Scared of what was to come. So that night, after he left Serena's house, Nate made a call.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Yes?" The voice at the other end responded.

"About the deal. I am ready to take it. I'll have the papers on my end ready Dan, you take the ones, you sent, back." He disconnected.

**A/N: OHMYGODIT'SDONE! *Runs away and hides behind the couch***

**I am so sorry for the late update dear readers, but well, It all started with a Writer's Block during which I wrote _Blueberry Ice-cream._ And well, it was some more Writer's Block. And then I had my SATs (which sucked btw) and I have a wedding in the family going on then well, the hospitals missed me so I went to school one day and fell sick so the administration rushed me to the emergency ward in the nearest hospital and I got a drip and a nebulizer. Got discharged yesterday. It was all a bit too dramatic for my liking. Anyways, I am back and living and healthy. **

**THIS IS THE DATE I PROMISED. I am not overly satisfied with it, also, I don't think it sucked as bad as it could have. And I gave you a Serenate kiss, on the corner of the mouth, but a kiss nonetheless. Annnndddd... Nate won the bet, so hey.**

**About what happened next... Yeah well, between me updating after ages and Nate being an idiot ready to sign off a deal, there is a positive you can actually take from it. Serena didn't miss Dan because she loved him, she missed Dan because she felt rejected. She felt the marriage she had worked so hard on, fall apart but never did she once tell Nate that she was in love with Dan. So yeah. Anyways.**

**So to all of those who are still interested, THE FIC IS FINALLY UPDATED, please Review! Review Review Review.**

**This fic won't be abandoned, unless I die of course. Let's all hope that doesn't happen.**

**The next chapter won't take this long. It will be a bit sad and angsty Nate chapter, which is a hundred times easier to write!**

**For strong Serenate feels, I recommend Halo and She Will Be Loved. Old songs, yes. But they still give me un-suppressible feels. So yeah, that.**

**Also. I had to update this, and I have to go now. So please be kind and ignore the grammatical errors, they shall be corrected as soon as possible. Iloveyouguys. Cheers.**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Had Gossip Girl been mine, Dan Humphrey would have met a brutal end.

"Come on Serena. It's been three days. You need to get out of this place." It had been three days. Three days since the date. Three days since those blasted divorce papers came. Three days since Nate had agreed to make that deal. It had been three days and Serena didn't leave her house. She didn't feel like eating and she definitely didn't feel like looking good and acting like Serena Van Der Woodsen. So Nate Archibald sat on her bed, her head in his lap, his hands tracing through her hair as uncontrollable tears spilled out of her eyes and left tear stains on his trousers.

"I don't feel like going anywhere." She told him in a small voice. Truth was he didn't feel like going anywhere either. He felt like lying down beside Serena, hold her hand and tell her that he would love her and value her and screw what Dan thinks because she doesn't deserve so much pain. Why didn't Nate do that? Because he was a coward. Serena's episode from three nights ago had him shaken to his very core. It took only a few moments to kill Serena's progress over Dan. Realizing how much her marriage meant to her had acted like a punch in the gut for Nate. Call him selfish, but that date had reminded him of his feelings. Their first kiss. Their first time. Their first dance. All of their firsts and Nate Archibald had been a mess of emotions. It was hard to decided who got struck by the divorce papers more. Serena had the freedom to show her emotions, poor Nate couldn't even do that. All he could do was pat Serena's head and act like a rock of a friend. When he only really was a man with a broken heart who wanted to kiss away all the pain off the girl he loved but he couldn't. In fact, he had decided to hand her back to man _she_ loved. And try as he might he could never be that.

"Come on Serena. Your fridge needs restocking. Let's go to the supermarket, yeah?" Of course he knew which supermarket he was talking about. He was also aware as to what area of the supermarket they had to be on what time. They had someone waiting for them after all.

"I don't feel like it." Serena repeated. Nate sighed.

"Come on S. This isn't helping you any." He tried to reason.

"Nate…" She trailed off, sniffing.

"Get up. I am waiting for you at the door. Change and be there in five. All right?" He told her, attempting to get up.

Serena held on to the material of the trousers on his thigh. "Don't go."

"I am not going anywhere, S." Nate assured her. "I am waiting for you. I'll always wait for you. Meet me when you're ready." There was more to Nate's words than just grocery shopping and maybe Serena heard it, for she sat up and nodded.

"Okay. Grocery shopping it is, then.

"Good." Nate smiled, tracing patterns on her cheeks. "You have five minutes, okay?" Serena nodded again.

Five minutes later, Serena met Nate at the front door of her house. To anyone else, this would have been normal. To Nate Archibald it scared the stuffing out of him. Five minutes with Serena always meant at least half an hour. She was particular about the way she looked, even if they were just going grocery shopping. So when Serena stood in front of Nate in denim jeans, a baby pink top and her blonde hair tied up, Nate tried to hide his inner turmoil. Instead he just bent a bit forward until Serena could feel his breath against her neck and undid the tie on her hair.

"I like it when they're let loose." He whispered. "Come on." He took her by the hand and led her to the car.

All the way to the Super Market all Nate could wonder and scorn upon was the immense self-growth he had achieved in all these years. There was a Nate Archibald who always got what he wanted. And here he was, the same man, practically driving the love of his life in the arms of another man. Nate didn't know which version of himself he preferred. He clutched harder on the steering wheel as he saw Serena gaze out of the window, her eyes unfocused, lost in thought. He gritted his teeth. As much as Dan had tried to assure him that the divorce papers were not an attempt to force Nate into the deal, Nate felt it hard to not grab hold of Dan by his collar and shake him till he can see what he had done to the bouncing ball of sunlight that used to be Serena.

He shook his head, the deal was taken, and the deed done. There was no way he would backtrack on his decisions now. Besides, the little, selfish and hopeful part of his heart wished, that Serena wouldn't walk away this time. That part in his heart hoped and prayed that for once, this time, Serena chooses him. But that part was minute, and considered selfish, so every time that part tried speaking up, Nate would shush it. But he knew, that if someone up there actually listened to the prayers of this little part of his heart, he would probably be granted everything he had prayed for since he was sixteen.

The vehicle stooped with a screech and a jolt that brought Serena out of her reverie. She turned to look at Nate, eyes wide and heart thumping to see him smirking at her.

"I figured this would bring you to earth," he said.

She smiled in spite of herself and shoved him in the upper-arm. "Jerk." She muttered.

He was picture of calm, that much you can credit Nate Archibald for, that morning. No matter the storm that was thrashing away at the pieces of his heart, his face was the picture of cool. Not a frown line on his forehead, not a hunch in his posture. As far as anyone can tell, including Serena, Nate Archibald had come to the supermarket in his dark jeans and black button down to do some serious grocery shopping. If only Serena was aware of the way his lungs felt heavy and his heart was having difficulty pumping the blood through his body and suddenly how hazy his vision had become and his palms were suddenly feeling too hot. If only Serena knew of his inner turmoil. If she only knew the way he loved her. If she only knew about the mistake he was about to commit.

But Serena knew nothing of the sort. She was only aware of her best friend walking next to her, convinced that her fridge needed restocking. He would pick some grocery, throw it in the cart and move forward without Serena having to say a word. He maneuvered the trolley from one aisle to another, as if he knew what the fridge needed. He probably did too. Serena felt her throat constrict. Why did this person, walking right next to her felt the need to take care of her so, when her own husband had rejected her? Would he run away too, once he realized that she is probably not as amazing as he was thinking she was? What would she do then?

"So, what became of _Vogue_?" His voice jolted her out of her thoughts.

"I don't know, they haven't replied yet." She told him, looking down.

"But your application was good. You don't need to worry too much. What will be, will be." He assured.

Serena nodded. _What will be, will be._ That's all that encouraged her to wake up in the morning. That and Nate. He had brought all of his work home, never visiting his office in the last three days. Serena sighed. If only Nate wouldn't make this so difficult. Blair and Chuck were there too. Blair had spent most of her last three days by her side and suddenly, Chuck had become the elder brother who brought ice cream for his sister when he returned from office. And Serena had no idea how she would have dealt with everything that was happening without those two. But with Nate, it was something different entirely. He would make her breakfast, wake her up, wait for her at the table as she freshened herself. He would then talk to her about the day. He would talk about anything and everything. His work, her application, what she would like to eat, he would watch crappy television with her and sometimes he would even get a smile on the hundreds of tragic jokes that he cracked. He would make her chicken soup and tuck her in bed and sit on the head of her bed while she slept and he worked on his files and then would fall asleep on her couch. In short, Nate Archibald had made his way in her heart and tried to fill that hole which had been empty ever since she was a kid and begged for love. What type of love… that was another question entirely. She walked with him and watched as he picked frozen items upon frozen items and the cart piled up. She smiled slightly. She sometimes found herself imagining what domestic life with Nate would look like, and every time she would steal herself away from that question.

"So, candy aisle?" Nate said.

"Why would I want to go the candy aisle?" She asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"Because it's candy Serena!"

"You remind me of Henry sometimes."

"I like Henry." He stuck his tongue out at her.

She laughed at that. Nate smiled too. But it wasn't just candy. It was a husband. A friend. A journalist. It was Dan and Nate knew he was waiting for them in the candy aisle. Serena would never know that his arrival won't be a mere co-incidence. She will never know that all of this was staged. All she will ever really get from this was an accidental meeting at a supermarket which will return to her all the happiness in the world. She will never know that lost thirty percent of his business and she will never know that he loved her. She will never know anything. In return Dan promised to never make her feel unloved. Things will go back to the way they were before the whole fiasco happened. Serena will never find out.

So when Nate turned the cart towards the candy aisle, he knew what awaited them. Serena didn't.

"Serena?" She turned around at the sound of her name. Turned around to see her husband walking towards her and in a moment of panic, Serena froze. All she could do was sense Nate standing next to her and Dan walking towards her and well, it was sixteen all over again.

Her tongue felt stuck to the roof of her mouth and try as she might she couldn't choke out the words, and before she knew what was happening, Serena felt the warmth of Nate's body moving away from her leaving her cold and her face was in Dan's palms and he was saying something which she couldn't make sense of. She blinked her eyes over and over t get a gist of what was happening around her and she turned around to look for Nate and he was standing so far away with is arms crossed. Serena suddenly felt like drowning and she wanted to reach out for Nate but she just couldn't and Dan was holding her and she should be joyous but she _wasn't_. _And what was he even saying?_

"I am so sorry Serena! I have no idea what got into me! I shouldn't have done that." Dan was apologizing over and over again. "I know the divorce papers were over the line but let's forget about it. Let's start our life again, that's what you wanted, right?"

And Serena had no idea what she wanted anymore. Because here she was, a mess from the previous days which she had spent crying over a dead marriage and her husband was ready to take her back and suddenly she was feeling hollower than she had ever felt in her life. She turned to look at Nate only to find him not looking in her eyes and she had no idea what to do.

"Let's start over S!" Even after knowing the truth, Nate was impressed by Dan. Either he was a great actor or he was actually terribly sorry. Nate was ready to hedge his bets on the former. He didn't know when, but sympathy for Dan had turned to anger and Nate had to hold back all his anger to not smack him right across the face. The only thing holding his anger was his sheer determination to not look Serena in the eye, because the emotions there, positive or negative, would break whatever was left of his resolve.

"Serena? Are you listening to me?" She turned her head back to look at Dan and tried to clear head.

"Yeah, yeah I am." She said. And that was all it took for tears to start pricking her eyes.

"Let's start over?" He asked.

"Start over?" Excuse Serena, but she was in state disoriented enough to only produce monosyllabic responses and repeat words.

"Yes! Let's do that. We'll give us another shot alright?"

It was this phrase; "another shot" which brought senses back to Serena and all she registered then was the shortage of oxygen in the large supermarket and before anyone knew what was happening she had taken Nate by the hand and walked out.

She walked into the parking lot and took the keys from Nate's pockets to unlock the car. She then threw herself in the back seat, leaving the door wide open. Taking it as an invitation to join her, Nate slipped in the seat and shut the door behind him with a "Bang!"

He turned to look at her and opened his mouth to say something before Serena beat him to it.

"He can't do that!" She screamed at him. "He can't just walk into my life and pretend that the last two months didn't happen! That he didn't send those divorce papers."

"Serena –"

"No! Don't you dare try to reason this out with me. Do you hear me? Don't you dare do that Nate Archibald!" She took a break to catch her breath. "What does he think I am? He can't just leave me on the way and come back whenever he feels convenient."

"I understand –"

"No you don't! This is my life. It is a mess, but it's my fucking life, Nate. And it doesn't work this way!"

"Listen to me –"

"You listen to me! Tell him to leave. Tell him to leave right now!"

Nate would have done exactly that. Hell, he wanted to exactly that but he saw Serena shivering, he saw her trying to hold back her tears and he had seen her that night when the papers had arrive – devastated and broken.

So he hooked a thumb under her cheek and forced her to look at him. "I will tell him to do that, if you look me in the eye and tell me you want that."

And Serena just stared at him; she had no idea what she wanted anymore. Sure she was angry at Dan for pulling the stunt he just pulled but hadn't she prayed for this over and over? For him to realize that their marriage could still work? And now, when he had done that, did she really want Nate to tell him to leave? Confused and emotionally exhausted she threw her arms around Nate's torso and hid her face in his chest. She immediately felt his hands in her hair, trying to calm her down.

"Why now? After all this time. It's not fair!"

"No, it's not fair. Nothing's fair." He whispered in her hair, swallowing the gulp forming in his own throat.

Serena moved away to look at him. "Nate, this isn't right."

"But, do you want this?" He asked back. She moved her eyes away from him. What was she supposed to tell him?

"Serena," she heard his voice again and she looked in his eyes again. "Tell me you want me to tell him to go away. And nothing could stop me from doing that. Look me in the eye and tell me that." And in that moment, Nate prayed that she would. _If only she would._

But she didn't. She again broke eye-contact. Because how could she tell Dan to walk away? Wasn't that was what supposed to happen? Dan and Serena. It was _supposed_ to be that way. The rich girl and the kid from Brooklyn. It was just supposed to happen. Nate sighed and she looked at him at the sound of that. And then suddenly, the night of their date played like a movie in front of her. The dance, the kiss, the conversation and everything that happened in between. But what importance did that hold in competition with _something that was supposed to be._

Apparently she wasn't the only one thinking about their date. "If I won that bet that night," his voice was think, "I want this from you. I want you to do what you feel like doing right now, in this moment."

Serena looked at him and her voice was suddenly small. "Why are you picking his side?"

That was Nate's answer. Serena would always be an unanswered prayer. "Aren't I picking your side? Aren't you on his side too?"

Serena hugged him again. Her head rested on her chest and Nate tried to take from that moment as much as he possibly could. Trying to memorize her feel, her scent forever.

He pulled away before it all became too much and tucked her hair behind her ear. Offering her his hand, he said the word that broke his heart. "Come on, Dan is waiting."

She took his hand.

They walked hand in hand in the supermarket and then Nate gave her hand in Dan's and moved back. He then silently said, "Take care of her." With that, Nate Archibald walked out of the supermarket, alone and he didn't look back once.

That night, Blair Waldorf-Bass found Nate in his home; with a half empty bottle of vodka in his hand and reeking of alcohol.

"You didn't have to do that." She greeted him.

Nate just snorted in greeting.

"No, you look at me!" Blair said, forcing him to make eye contact. "You took care of her all this time! He can't just walk in and take her away like that."

"He just did." Nate said through slurred words.

"She is not a commodity Nate! All of you can't do this to her." Blair chided. "And give that bottle to me!" She reached for the vodka but Nate pulled the arm towards him and took another swig, wincing at the sensation caused by the alcoholic liquid as it slipped down his throat.

"Nate –"

"I miss her, Blair." If Blair hadn't seen his lips move, she might never have known that those words were ever said.

"Then why didn't you stop her?" She asked him, supping his cheek.

"I gave her the option Blair. And she chose to walk away with him again." His voice broke and a tear escaped and Blair Waldorf-Bass felt her heart breaking for the man sitting in front of her. She hugged him then because she had absolutely no idea what else to do.

"Oh Nate!" She felt his on her neck and felt his chest contract and relax as Nate tried to control his wreck of a body.

"Why again? Ever since we were sixteen." He said over and over. Blair just patted his hair and tried to comfort him as best as she could. But her eyes felt wet and her hands shook and she asked herself the same question. Why again? He chased this girl since he was sixteen. No! Since he was nine and that girl always ran to the boys that were oh so wrong for her leaving this man with his heart so full of love alone and stranded. And she had just done it again. Blair had no idea how to explain to Serena that no man does for another woman what Nate did for her and it should be enough! _His love should be enough God damn it!_

Nate moved away from her and wiped his eyes. "Nate –"

"Remember Michelle?" He suddenly asked, referring to one of his poor attempts at a relationship. Blair nodded. "You know why we didn't work out?" He questioned again. "She told me that I didn't look at her the way I looked at Serena." And with that Nate Archibald started laughing. Hysterical laughing.

"You know what's funny Blair?" He tried standing up and stumbled. Blair tried to come forward to help him but he held his hand in front of him. Gaining composure, he said "the funny thing is that I can't! I can't look at anyone the way I look at her. And you know what's even funnier? SHE NEVER NOTICED IT!"

Blair let a sob escape and tears started flowing freely down her face. Because she _knew!_ She knew Nate never looked at anyone the way he looked at Serena. She always knew. She knew because she had spent years craving that look from him which he only reserved for Serena. And Blair couldn't stop the tears from flowing because _how can Serena not notice it?_

"I love her Blair," he whispered. "I love Serena. Why doesn't she love me?" And his voice was so broken so desperate that Blair threw her arms around his neck and sobbed.

"I am so sorry Nate! I am so sorry!" She whispered. Nate pulled away again and took another swig. He sat down on his couch with his head bowed and his elbows on his knees and by the way his shoulders shivered, Blair knew that he was crying.

Blair hated the UES then. Nate Archibald, the only man who hadn't turned plastic. The man with feelings and emotions and morals sat there like a lost warrior and Blair wondered if the UES had finally beat him. Because Lord knew Nate had fought this battle ever since he lost his parents to the society that they came from.

And then Blair hated herself because she always knew that what Nate had for Serena, he could never have or anyone else. And yet, her sixteen year old self had been the person that had torn them apart. Her sixteen year old selfish self which had pushed Serena towards Dan and then left. Was she the reason that a man with so much love in his heart was left so lonely?

She hated Dan Humphrey for crossing paths with Serena. She hated him for loving her. Hated Dan Humphrey for hurting her two best friends. Hated him because can't he see that he'll never love Serena the way Nate did?

And then, Blair hated Serena. Because really, what else was left for Nate to do in order to show her that he loved her? God knows this man had tried everything. He had destroyed himself to make her whole and it was about time someone took care of him because this person in front of her cannot be a martyr in the war he held with their society. His love can't lose to the power that their society ran after.

So she sat down at his feet and looked up at him. "I am sorry, Nate." She said through tears.

"What are you sorry for?" He asked her in his thick voice which was so unlike his real voice that Blair felt her heart break some more.

"For coming between you and her. All those years ago. I knew you loved her Nate! But I was so selfish and I am sorry!"

Nate just shook his head and bent down beside her. "We were kids then Blair. You honestly want to beat yourself up on that."

"No, no! I shouldn't have forbidden you to see her. You were so broken and I knew and I shouldn't have –"

"So you're apologizing to me because I cheated on you?"

"No! I am apologizing to you because you should never have cheated on me! I should've let you go when I realized that your love wasn't mine."

"Blair! Don't be stupid. This is just dumb all right."

"No it –"

"Yes it is! Look Bass, she doesn't love me. And that's it. It is not your fault!" He almost screamed at her this time.

"But if –"

"There are a thousand 'ifs' and 'buts' Blair. And she doesn't love me. And nothing can change that." Tears left his eyes and this time it was Nate who hugged her. Because he didn't want his friend to feel responsible for what had happened. Chuck and her were the only two people left in his life and he couldn't afford to lose them too. Not today.

The door of his house opened again. "I heard about what happened –"

Blair and Nate moved apart at the sound of Chuck's voice. Chuck Bass stood on the threshold of Nate's main door to see the two people he loved the most in his life crying in each other's arms and Chuck was assured that Dan Humphrey was indeed a bastard.

He took long steps towards the two of them and gave Nate his hand to raise him up, while Blair stood alongside. He notices the half empty bottle in Nate's hand and looked him in the eye.

"You're coming to my home. And you're staying there tonight." Chuck informed him in his no-nonsense tone.

"I don't want Henry to see me like this." Nate muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"Look here, Archibald. You're just as important to me as Henry is. Do you hear me? Nate looked at Chuck, feeling an emotion that he hadn't felt in years. The feeling of being taken care of. "You're staying at my home. You're my brother Nate and I won't let you self-destruct like this!"

Nate suddenly felt that this was how families were supposed to be. The way his parents were never to him. All this emotion was too much for Nate Archibald to handle and he collapsed on his couch with tears in his eyes and Chuck hugged him. And Chuck knew that hiding his emotions might be his way of showing his manliness, but embracing emotion the way Nate was right now required strength that only few men can muster. Blair sat on his other side and made sure that Nate felt loved. Because he had long been neglecting himself and it was time someone assured _him_ that everything will be okay in the end. They were three quarters of the NJBC and they wouldn't let Nate bear it all alone.

A/N: Late update. I realize that, yes. I am sorry!

Anyways, about this chapter. Yeah, Serena left him again. Why? I will tell you soon. About the last scene and why Nate was crying so much: We need to understand that it's not just about Serena leaving him. This man had avoided his emotional well-being for quite some time now and with Serena leaving him againa and Blair and Chuck showing so much concern, he just broke down. He probably wouldn't have had he been sober but I like men who show emotion so there!

The chapter was shorter because I didn't want the angst to bore you guys.

A long time ago, someone reviewed that they want to see the Serena/Chuck Brother/Sister dynamic. The next chapter will contain that and alot of NJBC action. It shall be updated within the next week and a half hopefully because I have already started work on it. So there! :D

To anyone and everyone who will read this chapter, let it be known that I love John Green and for some unfathomable reason if any of you have not read his books, you should! He actually rips your heart apart and dances the tango on it. And I read it because I am a masochist like that.

This story WILL NOT be abandoned, unless I die. The story contains around four more chapters maybe.

Next chapter will be a bit more Serena-centric though.

Please don't abandon me and kindly read and review! I will love you if you review! Please let me love you.

Any grammatical errors found will be corrected in the next 24 hours.

Also Jennifer Lawrence is a darling.

This is it then, Ciao.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Had Gossip Girl been mine, Serena would have eloped with Nate on her wedding day and they would've ended the show, the way they started it. WITH HOT BAR SEX.**

It had been two weeks since things had gone to normal. Or as normal as anything can be perceived as, really. The first time she felt something was wrong was when she received a rejection from _Vogue. _She was disappointed. Not broken, or sad. Just disappointed. It was like a soft pinch on the heart. It was uncomfortable, but it wasn't as dreadful as she had assumed it would be. Truth be told, she wasn't feeling much emotion anyway. She remembered when Dan had left her and she had cried and sobbed in Nate's arms. And she remembered staying up with him till four in the morning laughing at jokes that were not even remotely funny. And being jealous when she thought he had ditched her for Izzie. And being so ecstatic when he hadn't. Being passionate about her job application. And that kiss. And everything. Simply put: Serena was an array of emotions with Nate. With Dan, all of it was just normal.

Her thoughts found solid ground when Dan walked into their living room and asked her what she was holding.

"Oh nothing, it's just mail." She replied off-handedly. Not even looking at him. She didn't had to. He wasn't Nate. He hadn't ruffled her hair and tried to peek over her shoulders. No. It was just Dan, and he had just asked normally. And she had just replied normally. Because this was normal in the Van Der Woodsen- Humphrey household. Just like how it was supposed to be.

"Anything special?" He asked, rummaging in the fridge.

"I applied for a job. Didn't get it." She told him, finally looking up to meet his gaze. Only to find him still engrossed in the fridge. It was a while before Dan Humphrey found his favoured apple and bit into it, after which he looked at his wife.

"Oh." That's it. That was the response from her husband. "Why would you need a job anyway?" Serena sighed.

"I need to see Nate." The words escaped her mouth before she could stop them. She didn't need to tell Dan why she wanted that job. She didn't want to go into the whole I-am-not-your-trophy-wife debate with him. She just wanted to see Nate, who would offer her ice-cream, explain to her how the labour market worked and the joke about her rejection till she had punched him long enough to feel better. She needed Nate Archibald right now to make her _feel._ Because she didn't feel anything when he wasn't around.

"I need to see Nate too. We need to settle some stuff." The transfer papers were still not signed. He had been putting Nate off for two weeks now. It wasn't his fault, he had to meet three deadlines and he hadn't even started work on the third project yet. Truthfully, he wasn't even much anxious about the deal; Nate Archibald didn't go back on his words. "I guess I'll see him in the evening."

Serena just nodded absently.

By lunchtime Serena was in Nate's office like she had been in the previous two weeks with some pizza.

"_Vogue _rejected me." She greeted him.

"I am going to cancel my subscription right away." He responded without missing a beat.

And then Serena felt it. She felt the rejection from an employer. And she felt it in every cell of her body. She felt the disappointment and sadness. But more than that, she just felt.

"Do I really suck?"

"No, you don't."

"How can you tell?"

"Because you are my favourite person in the world. And you can't suck. That's against the rules."

She felt the giddiness.

"I still want a job."

"Do you have any other fashion magazine in mind?"

She felt the happiness as he paid her all his attention and went along. The bit into their pizza slices.

"No."

"Well, that's a start."

She felt the hardness of his chest as she punched him.

"I missed getting physically abused like this, Serena." She raised her arm again but he caught hold of it. "I hear _ELLE_ has an opening for some research thing. Look into it." He told her seriously.

And then Serena hugged him. Because God damn it! She had missed him so much. In spite of the fact that she had shared lunch with him more frequently than she had shared lunch with Dan, she had missed him. And she had no idea why. This was the second time, she felt something was wrong. This realization that she would rather spend time with Nate than Dan. She pulled back.

"So," she asked him, "how is life?"

"Same as it was yesterday. The work-load is killing me." He told her.

"Your work is not your life, Nate." She told him rubbing his knee.

"Right now, it pretty much is. I don't have you to go back home to anymore." He told her off-handedly. And Serena hated him then. Because he says everything that Dan is supposed to say. The way he said _home _made her imagine a home where he would come to her. Just like he had been doing in those two months. And somehow Dan never caressed the words like Nate did. Dan never made her feel everything the way Nate did. And for some reason, all of this made her unexplainably angry. Why was it so easy for Nate, when Dan couldn't even attempt it?

"You shouldn't be coming home to me." She said. Nate just raised his eyebrows. Serena realized what that must have sounded like and hastened to amend. "I mean, you're probably one of the most eligible bachelors in the city right now. Surely you can find _someone_ who would want to spend time with your sorry ass."

"Hey, not the ass. I will have you know that the ass is pretty darn sexy."

It was. But that was not the point of the conversation.

"Oh shut up. You know what I meant."

"I don't want to date Serena."

"But, why?"

"Because."

"That is not a valid answer."

"There is no valid answer. I just don't want anybody right now."

"All right. No dating. But what about Chuck and Blair. You should hang out with them more often."

Truth was, he had spent so much time with those two during the first four days that he had started to feel like a burden on them. Since then, he had tried to minimize his visits as much as possible. It's not like they hadn't noticed. Blair had rolled her eyes and screamed at him to not be such an egotistical prat, and Chuck had made a habit of dropping into his office whenever he found the time but that was that. Nate felt guilty for making them do this. They had each other and a child already, he didn't want to be one more thing that needs to be taken care of.

"I hang out with Chuck and Blair plenty." He replied vaguely. Serena just raised an eyebrow. "I really do." He insisted. Serena just kept staring at him. He sighed. "Look Serena, you don't have to feel sorry for me, all right. This was pretty much my life before the whole thing happened. And this is my life now." He told her, not making eye contact.

Serena caught his face in both her hands and made him look at her. "I don't feel sorry for you. You are my rock, you will never fall weak. I just want you to take care of yourself like you take care of me. I want you to laugh and cry and feel the way I do when I am with you. You are the best thing about me Nate. I can't let you lose yourself." She told him. All in one breath. At this point, Blair would have just smacked the two of them on their heads for not realizing their feelings for each other. But Blair was not present, and so we have to do with two amazingly lost individuals.

Nate tried to smile. But he couldn't. The person sitting in front of him was single handedly responsible for all his pain and pleasure and all he ever wanted to do was tell her that she meant the world to him and he loved her and he would always love her and all he needed was one chance to show her that but he cant. Because she loved someone else.

"What about we meet Chuck and Blair for dinner tonight?" She asked. "You, me and them. That's it. Just like old times." Because, the third time she realized how messed up everything was, was right now. Right now, when she was missing the old times and life with Nate and without Dan.

"They might have plans, Serena."

"Well, they'll just have to cancel them, then." She told him. Because she needed this dinner. She needed the times when Nate would sit next to her and eat from her plate and tease her for caring too much about her weight. And Blair and Chuck would sit right opposite, laughing along. It felt that everything was perfect. Except that Serena never saw the perfection when it was actually there.

Nate sighed.

"Oh don't get so excited about it." She chided sarcastically.

"All right then; talk to Blair, get her ready to cancel the plans and we'll see each other for dinner tonight."

"Be ready at eight, then. We're meeting Chuck and Blair." She tousled the hair of a very professionally dressed, Nate Archibald.

As fate would have it, Nate Archibald met Chuck Bass before eight. At six o eight, to be precise.

"Don't you have work to take care of?" Nate asked, exasperated as he saw his best friend walk in his office the fourth time this week.

"I have a brother to take care of."

"Why does everybody think I need to be taken care of?"

"Because everybody needs to be taken care of."

"All right, hang on there. Who are you and what have you done to Chuck Bass?" Nate asked, narrowing his eyes, a hint of a smile teasing his lips.

"I am Henry Bass' father, murderer of the old Chuck Bass." He was told, matter-of-factly.

Nate let out a real laugh. "I am so glad for you, man."

"I am glad for me too." Chuck rasped. "Anyways, when are you planning to tell her?"

"Tell who?"

"Serena."

"Tell her what." Nate asked, not making eye contact.

"That the bastard had treated her like trade and blackmailed you."

"You make this sound so twisted." Nate tried to keep it light.

"Because it is, Archibald. So when are you telling her?" He prodded.

Nate sighed. He knew, he shouldn't have told Chuck and Blair about the deal, but he had to tell _someone_. That secret was killing him from the inside. It was like poison in his veins and he had to let it out. And he did. It's just that now he regretted it. He shouldn't have told them anything in the first place, because in some twisted turn of events the two of them concluded that sooner or later he would tell Serena about it and then it will be all rainbows and unicorns.

"I am not telling her. If I had to tell her, I wouldn't have made the deal in the first place."

"But why? I will tell her, if you don't."

"No you won't." Nate said, his voice panicked enough to make Chuck Bass backtrack.

"But why, Nate?" Chuck questioned. "Why?"

"BECAUSE WHAT'S THE POINT?" Nate heard himself scream. "What's the point in telling her that the two people she decided to trust the most in this world dealt her off? She will hate the man she fell in love with for treating her like a business deal. She will hate the man she calls her best friend because he pretty much _bought_ the happiness, she deserves. But you know what's the worst thing that will happen Chuck? She will hate herself. She will give into her insecurities again. She will start believing that she isn't good enough to be loved. And that's my biggest nightmare. I can't let Serena spiral downwards like that!" Nate finished his rant and panted heavily as if he had just run a marathon.

Chuck just looked at him dumbfounded before he broke into a peal of laughter. Nate Archibald saw his friend laugh hysterically and felt the anger in him fume. It wasn't the Chuck laugh that made him feel better, it was the Chuck laugh that mocked him and it took all of his self-restraint to not sock him right there.

"You think keeping her away from the truth is helping her?" Chuck said. "You think it is okay to not even let her know that the man she thinks she is in love with will use her to gain societal status in a society which is not even his? You think it is fair to her?" And suddenly Chuck's face was inches away from Nate's and both men glared each other, determined to stick to their own stance. "Look here Archibald," Chuck began, his voice deadly quiet, "she's my sister. Or she was at some point. And even though I haven't been the best brother to her, I can assure you, I wouldn't think twice before doing whatever I am required to do to get her what she deserves. And she deserves you."

"You will not do anything to shatter whatever Serena has tried so hard to build, Bass. No matter what twisted theory you believe in." Nate warned him back.

Chuck opened his mouth to retort but moved back at the sound of a knock on the door.

"Come in." Nate called.

And suddenly the air in the office became so thick; it could have been cut with a knife. Chuck's faced changed expressions and Nate saw him clench and unclench his fists.

"Your secretary wasn't outside." Dan Humphrey tried to explain.

"Think of the Devil." Chuck responded before Nate could even open his mouth.

"I wasn't aware that I was talking to you, Bass." Dan replied.

"You wanted something Dan?" Nate questioned, trying his best to keep his emotions under check.

"Well, we haven't signed the papers yet –"

"The same paper where you dealt off women?" Chuck interrupted.

"You would know. Lord knows! I am not the only one in this office who has attempted anything of that sort." And before Nate knew what had happened, Chuck had taken Dan by the collar and had him pressed against the walls, both their faces so hard that Nate was afraid of what they would do to each other if allowed to. He quickly left his seat and rushed to the two men pulling Chuck by the shoulder.

"I will murder you in your sleep one day Humphrey."

Dan smirked. "Why, did I touch a nerve?"

"Dan –" Nate tried to intervene but Chuck used Dan's collar as leverage and slammed his head harder against the wall.

"Chuck stop –" Nate attempted to push them off each other.

"You should consider yourself lucky that I don't want to dirty my hands on vermin like you." Chuck threatened.

"Get off your high horse Bass. I am not the kid from Brooklyn you can bully." The room rung with the sound of dry, hysterical laughter.

"Of course you aren't. You are Gossip Girl. The man who made his way into my society by stalking the lives of my kind."

And suddenly, Dan lost the cool posture he had pretended to maintain. He grabbed Chuck by his collar. "Don't you dare go there." He said, his voice low.

"Struck a nerve did I?" Chuck smirked.

And before anything else could happened, Nate had pushed Chuck off Dan and stood in the middle.

"Go home Dan. Now is not the time. Meet me whenever you are free tomorrow." Nate said, his voice furious.

Dan left his office, slamming his door shut behind him.

"Damn it Bass! Who told you to open your trap?" Nate turned to Chuck.

"Really? You will blame me for what happened?"

"To be honest, you started it."

"I started it? Oh no, no, no Nate. He started it. He started all of it. He started it by coming into our lives. He started it by forming that god awful blog. He started it by putting all of us through much more misery than we deserved. He came in right now, without any shame in his voice to sign off the deal as if it's no big issue. He started it damn it! He started all of it. And Serena needs to know."

"No she doesn't, Chuck –"

But Chuck was already walking towards the door of his cabin. "She will know and I won't be the one to tell her." He said before walking out of the office and not hearing a word that Nate had to say.

So at eight thirty, when Nate sat in _540 Park_ with Serena waiting for Chuck and Blair to show up, there were a thousand thoughts going through his head. _What if they are late purposely so that I tell her everything? What if they don't show up? What if Serena finds out everything? But who will tell her? Surely not me. And Blair promised she wouldn't say anything. And Dan would definitely not tell her. So what did Chuck mean? God damn it, she looks beautiful._

"Did they tell you they were going to be late?" Serena asked.

Nate broke from his reverie and looked at her completely. "What? Oh erm, no. They didn't." He replied shortly shaking his head. Serena was not oblivious to the fact that Nate was distracted. She was also completely aware that Nate wasn't even trying to initiate conversation. Or well, look at her. He hadn't complimented her and from what Serena could gather, he would rather be anywhere but here with her.

"Nate, are you okay?"

"What? Oh yeah. I am. Why?"

"It's just, you seem a little distracted." Serena said, clearly upset.

"It's just the work pressure Serena. It's sort of getting to me." He lied between his teeth.

"It's just –"

But whatever Serena was beginning to say was cut short by Blair and Chuck arriving. Serena felt annoyed all of a sudden. They had taken so long, couldn't they have just held out for five more minutes?

"Hey you guys! I am really sorry. The babysitter backed out on the last moment and we had to arrange one on the last minute. It was kind of hectic. Of course I could have asked Dorota, but I have a feeling she spoils him way too much and –"

"Hello to you too, Blair." Nate interrupted smiling.

Serena felt a wave of envy wash over her. He had been sitting here with her for the past half hour and didn't crack one smile in spite of all the times she had tried to initiate conversation, and here he was, smiling at Blair's greeting. She felt something sour churn in her stomach.

"Shut up, Archibald. Serena?"

She turned around at the sound of her name.

"Oh, hi Blair." She said, etching a perfect smile on her face. "Chuck." she greeted.

Chuck nodded in response.

"So what were the two of you up to for the past half hour?" Blair asked. It took her about a total of five seconds for her to realize what that must have sounded like to the two of them given the events of the previous two weeks and she quickly added, "Did you guys order? I am hungry!"

"No, we didn't order. We thought we should wait for you." Nate replied.

Oh look at him, now he's talking.

"Oh all right then." Blair responded picking the menu. "What should we order then?"

"So Serena," Serena turned to look at Chuck. "How has life been?"

Serena felt Nate shift uncomfortably beside her.

"Life has been good." She knew she was lying. But what else was there to tell him? _I have no idea why I don't want to spend time with my husband. And I know he doesn't want to spend time with me either. And I am not as happy, as I should be. And I have no idea why Nate is acting weird, but he needs to know that he is hurting me._ She had a feeling, all of this wouldn't come across as very nice. So she chose to the easier path, she lied.

Except, it didn't seem to put Chuck at peace. "Really, is it now. Why though? Why so good."

And suddenly Blair wasn't looking in her menu any more. And Nate was staring so hard at Chuck it felt like he would burn a hole through his head. Serena felt her throat constrict, but before she could respond, she heard Nate's voice. "Her husband is back, she's happy. It's not that hard a concept to understand."

His tone was clipped and Serena felt like punching him. _What was wrong with him? _Sure things were not the way they were two weeks earlier but they were certainly much better than this in the evening. Right now though, it felt that Nate didn't even want to listen to her voice.

"Oh that's the case is it? It's –"

"Chuck." Nate interrupted. Chuck however chose to ignore the interruption and continued.

"It's the return of the husband that is the cause of cheeriness."

Serena had no idea what Chuck was playing at and why was he being the way he was. All Serena knew was that this interrogation was making her uncomfortable. "Yeah…" she responded vaguely. _Because whatever else was she supposed to do?_

"I see. Did you ask him what caused the sudden change of heart though?"

"Chuck!" Blair had dropped her menu and was staring at her husband.

"Come on Chuck, that's personal." Nate added. "Serena doesn't need to tell you anything."

Truth was, Serena would have screamed at him the way Blair had, if only she _knew_ what caused the change. It was only now, that Serena felt like a fool to not even ask Dan what actually got him back. She felt tears prick in her eyes. As angry as she felt at Chuck, or as frustrated as she felt with Nate or as envious as she was of Blair at the moment or even as uncomfortable as the whole scenario made her feel, the fact of the matter was, _she hadn't asked him and she had no idea what had made him come back to her._

Chuck, however, was unperturbed by the interruptions and pretended to be oblivious to Serena's discomfort. "So Serena, it wouldn't be the first time he would give reason to doubt him. Guess who was Gossip Girl?" His tone was mocking. Serena saw Nate clench his fist and Blair put a hand on Chuck's forearm but despite all of this, she felt the lump in her throat thicken. _Why was Chuck acting this way? _"But to be fair, you did forgive him for being Gossip Girl far too easily too. You really allow him to hurt you, don't you? You forgave him in spite of what he said about you. So Humphrey can't be blamed for hurting you, he just knows you will keep coming back for more."

"Stop it Chuck!" And this time Nate's voice was loud and commanding. But that had no effect on the tears flowing down Serena's face.

"I should go." Serena said before she almost sprinted out of the restaurant.

Nate threw his napkin at Chuck in frustration. "You really didn't have to do this." Was all he said, before he followed Serena out of the door.

"Don't you think that was bit over the line?" Blair asked her husband, softly.

"Did you see the expressions on Nate's face when I was talking to her? Because Serena needs to see them too. And realize why she affects him so much." Chuck said, his voice low and tone remorseful.

"But she doesn't deserve the way you just spoke to her."

"No she doesn't. She deserves to know who loves her." Chuck replied.

And Chuck was probably right. Serena did deserve to know the truth behind everything. It wasn't as if Nate disagreed. But to Nate, Serena's happiness was far more important than whatever he felt for her, and so when she left crying, Nate couldn't help himself but run after her.

"Serena, stop!" Nate called, jogging to catch up to her. If Serena heard him, she didn't slow down her pace she kept walking. "Serena!" He paced up and reached her, placing his hand on her shoulder to turn her around.

Serena shrugged his hand off. "Serena, come on! Look at me."

"Now you have the time to talk to me?" She asked him. "You wouldn't even look at me inside. Let me go." She said, trying to walk away, Nate however caught her wrist and pulled her back to him. They stood under the Manhattan skyline, bodies almost pressed together separated only by Serena's wrist, which Nate had enclosed in his palm. She looked up to look into his eyes and Nate mouthed a simple "I am sorry." That was it for Serena. She felt all her frustration towards him waived away and she wrapped her arms around his torso. Finally, feeling after two weeks. Feeling wanted and loved and taken care of and happy and content. Feeling everything that only Nate could ever make her feel. Nate held her carefully.

It was some time before Serena stepped away. Only to miss the feeling of his arms around her.

"Look, you know Chuck doesn't like Dan." Nate began. " You know how he is. He shouldn't have said all those things, I understand –"

Serena just shook her head. "We don't need to talk about it, Nate. I understand." She told him.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded confidently. Because sure, Chuck had went overboard that night but Serena realized she needed answers. She needed to know what had caused Dan to come back. She needed to know what she felt about him. But more importantly, she needed to know what was it about Nate that Dan couldn't replace?

**A/N: OH MY GOD. IT HAS BEEN A MONTH AND I PROMISED AN EARLY CHAPTER.**

**But hear me out, before you guys kill me for being a terrible updater. I had this entire thing typed out almost three weeks ago, but then I DON'T KNOW HOW, this document got delete****d and I had to write this whole thing down again which was frustrating and procrastination took hold. Also, re-writing it, I realized that there are scenes which I would like to alter which took longer than I had expected.****  
**

**Anyhoo. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Point was, that Serena and Nate needed to realize what idiots they were being and even though Serena is closer to realizing it, Nate is no where near ready to admit that sending her back to Dan was a mistake.**

**I said the whole Chuck/Serena brother sister dynamic will be at play. And I attempted to do that in the office scene. ABOUT THE RESTAURANT THING THOUGH: Okay, in the original draft Chuck and Serena were supposed to have this really real heart-to-heart with one another which would be all touchy. When I re-wrote the chapter, I wrote that scene exactly the same way. But then, I read it and realized that Chuck looked really out of character, hence the restaurant fiasco happened. But you guys need to realize that Chuck didn't feel good about what he did, he just felt it was something that was needed to be done.**

**Spoiler Alert: There will be confrontations in the next chapter... And well, all might not be happy in the Serena/Nate world.**

**Lastly, for all the Harry Potter fans and Jily shippers: IT'S JAMES POTTER'S BIRTHDAY AND EVERYTHING IS 200 TIMES BETTER IN THE WORLD TODAY.**

**Please let me know, what you thought about this chapter. Don't abandon me? Please review and let me know what you guys thought of it. I would love you all. And I think we are kind of left with three chapters from now. SO HEY!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Had Gossip Girl been mine, you would have probably gotten new episodes after three month hiatuses.**

Serena woke up the next morning with questions on the tip of her tongue and an empty space beside her. Rubbing her eyes, she snorted. What had she expected? Cuddles and soothing words, who does she think she vowed to spend the rest of her life with? Nathaniel Archibald? First few minutes of the morning and Dan had already found a way to make her upset. She was married to Dan. And she has to make this marriage work. Because that is how it was supposed to be. The Lonely Boy and the It Girl. Dan and Serena. It was just how it was supposed to be damn it! Whatever her heart felt for Nate can shove itself. Because Nate and her, were always _always_ forbidden. The boyfriend and the best friend. They were wrong. They were not meant to be. There was Blair and now there is Dan and well, no. Just no. All her thoughts were wrong. Whatever she felt was wrong. Her missing Nate was wrong. Her loving Nate was wrong. It was all so _so_ wrong. And yet, Nate's arms were her haven and his voice her prayers.

Serena held her forehead and rocked back and forth on her bed. She needed answers, she decided. She needed to know why Dan came back. She needed to know what she felt for him. She needed to know what would make this marriage work, but more than that, she needed to know why she felt for Nate, what she has never felt for Dan. This undying fire in her chest, which would burn her insides if she doesn't let it out. And for all of that, she needed Dan. _But where was he?_

In Nate Archibald's office, that's where.

Nate Archibald, the man with the papers deciding his monetary status in the market and Serena's future lying in front of him. Across him sat the aforementioned Dan, offering him a pen. He sighed and took it. Just before he signed them though, he looked up directly in Dan's eyes and said in the quietest and most somber tone anyone had ever heard Nate Archibald speak.

"Never hurt her, Dan. Not one more tear, not one moment of sadness. Promise me." He said. He was losing the girl he had loved for as long as he could remember. He was bloody well signing the papers that would confirm that she never become his, so kindly excuse the dryness of his throat.

"You have my word." That was perhaps not much, but Nate took it. Serena will have the love and life she has tried so hard on. He will sleep in peace knowing that she will never find out anything about this deal.

Nate signed those papers. From here on, Dan Humphrey owned 30 percent of his business and Serena Van Der Woodsen had the happiness that shouldn't have had a cost in the first place.

"There you go, Dan. I fulfilled my promise. If you break yours, you'll have me to answer to." He almost sounded like giving a warning. Nate had no idea what he was feeling. He had just ensured that the woman he loved would never find out about anything. The deal, her husband, his emotions. Nothing. Ever. Nate Archibald perhaps lost everything the day Serena gained her happiness. But when you come to think of it, if it helps Serena, it was _always_ worth it for Archibald.

Dan stood up, and grabbed the file that held the deal papers. "I'll get them registered in the court tomorrow." He said.

Nate nodded. He really didn't care.

"I will take your leave now," Dan informed him, "she'll be happy. I'll try to keep her happy."

But what was there to try really, Nate wondered. If you love Serena with all your heart and soul, she is happy. That's all it takes to make her happy; love. What was there to try? All you have to do is love her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. _What's there to try?_

Perhaps he was right. Truly tragic, isn't it? Having the key to the lock that keeps away from the world, the finest treasure known to mankind, and yet, not being the person to unlock it? Much _much_ more tragic is being the only person who can love someone with as much conviction, as Nate did Serena. It truly sucked, not being able to say anything. Nate sighed. There was work to do today. He grabbed the first file at his desk, and paid no heed to the pain in his chest.

When Dan Humphrey opened the door to his house, he saw his wife sitting in the main lounge, perfectly composed, almost looking _prepared_ for something. The triumph in his chest for a moment felt threatened by dread. He quickly shook off the feeling.

"Hello Serena," he greeted her.

"Back so early?" she replied without missing a beat.

"What?" he asked perplexed, then look at the file in his hand and let out a nervous chuckle. "Oh, I wasn't at the office."

"Right." Serena didn't bother asking where he was. She didn't feel like bothering with him at all. And while feelings like these brought about a sense of guilt earlier in the days, now they didn't make her feel anything. With Dan, she realized, she had stopped feeling. "I have to ask you something," she continued.

Dan raised an eyebrow in response. "I'll just keep all this stuff away then," he said motioning to the papers in his hands.

"Just stay here, hopefully it won't take long." Serena's tone was clipped.

Dan kept the file on a table as near to him as possible, and faced her. Prepared for everything that he thought she could possibly throw his way.

"Why did you decide to reconcile with me?" Serena got straight to the point. She felt a sudden surge of pride as she saw him look taken aback by so direct an inquiry.

"What do you… mean?" he asked unsure.

"You walked out of this house. We didn't see each other for months. You even sent in _divorce_ papers. Three days later, and you want me back in your life. Ready to work on a relationship that we were struggling with, for a year. I just want to know, what made you change your mind." Someone should have rewarded Serena for her composed demeanor and an expressionless face in spite of the flurry of emotion inside her.

Dan would have been lying if he didn't admit that he was surprised by Serena's behaviour. Serena who had always tried to normalize everything between them, who had never once acknowledged that they had their differences, who always thought that their marriage was rainbows and butterflies had just come up and told him that the two of them were struggling with their marriage for a year when he walked out. Her insistence on their perfect marriage had always annoyed Dan. What did she know? She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. The It Girl of the UES. She didn't have to struggle like him. So when she asked for love and cuddles, it truly agonized him that she didn't value his pay cheque as much as she valued the dinner she made some nights. She wasn't aware how difficult it was to be deemed worthy of being her husband. He had always tried so hard to provide the two of them with a good and luxurious life, what, then, was so wrong about not showing up to some anniversary on time?

"I just realized we should work on this marriage once more," he replied calmly.

"I know. My question was, what made you realize that?" she asked again. Clearly not satisfied with the answer he provided.

"I realized I missed you, S." This was a complete lie and he knew that. He didn't miss her. Hell, no phone calls while he dealt with his clients were a blessing. But a thirty percent share in one of the most reputed media companies of the city had been too good and offer to refuse.

"Oh, you realized you missed me three days after you sent me the papers that could terminate our relationship?" Serena had decided that today, her feeling will take whatever route that Dan showed them. A small part of her wanted Dan to remove all the doubts in her head. The larger part wanted Nate. When had the part that wanted Nate had so completely overpowered the sensible part of her that valued her marriage, she had no idea. All she knew right now was that Dan's vague answers were just fueling her need for Nate to be standing right beside her, holding her hand.

As for Dan well he was getting annoyed. He hadn't signed up for this when he had decided to move back. Why did his wife want to talk about every aspect of their relationship was beyond him. Couldn't she just leave him in peace? His life was _his._

"Look Serena, don't grill me with the whole I-am-your-wife routine. You wanted this, didn't you? Us living together? So why do you have to question it once it has happened?" Dan's annoyance was crystal in his voice.

Their anger at each other was a cycle. Her anger enraged him, which enraged her even further. A cycle. A vicious one. Serena didn't want to stop. Months of loneliness. Confusion. Losing Nate. All because of the man in front of him. She wanted her _answers._ She wanted to know why he left her. And why he came back. And how did Nate fit into this. This scenario. Her life. _Why was she missing Nate when she had her husband back?_ She took a deep breath.

"Look Dan. I am not in the mood of getting into a fight. Why can't we have a mature conversation for once?" Serena said, finally exasperated.

"_Mature conversation?" _Dan almost scorned. "What mature conversation Serena? Here I am. Back with you, just like you wanted. But you can't just accept that in peace, can you. Oh, no. Let's be Serena Van Der Woodsen and pull the whole dramatic act, because she can!" Dan was nearly screaming at the end of his rant. He didn't want Serena to know what lay in the file on that table. He didn't want to tell her he loved her, because with that came the commitment that he was not ready to fulfill yet. For crying out loud, he didn't want to have a conversation with her right now. No matter how easy he tried to make things for them, Serena always found a way to complicate them.

Perhaps Dan didn't realize that Serena wasn't the person he had left. This Serena wouldn't cry for days and hope for him to return. No. This Serena was ready to set her life straight. This Serena was not afraid to question what she was feeling. And if Dan was pushing her towards Nate then this Serena refused to feel guilty about it. And this Serena didn't want to normalize things anymore. If Dan was angry, she was furious. So furious in fact, that her voice wouldn't leave her. What came out of her mouth was a quiet sound shaking with anger, very much different from her voice. "Look, Dan. You don't get to do the I-did-this-for-you act. No, you don't. If you would've come back for me, I would have felt it. I didn't. You don't get to make me feel _grateful_ that my husband isn't acting like a douche bag anymore. I asked you a question and I want my answer. _Why, exactly, did you come back?" _

Her voice carried an emotion so unknown from Serena to both of them, that by the time she was done talking, the only two people in the room were taking in labored breaths. In. Out. Out. In. Completely out of sync. Just like everything else they ever did.

"Serena –" Dan began, his voice cracking like his knuckles from sheer annoyance.

"No. _Why did you come back?_" Serena repeated, anticipating another rant or a vague excuse.

"Why do you even care? You have your happy, perfect marriage, don't you?" Dan said, moving towards their bedroom, clearly done with the woman standing in front of him.

Dan's first step towards the room where she had kissed Nate, and something in Serena snapped. She quickly moved towards Dan and roughly turned him, grabbing hold of his shoulder. And before she knew what happened, Serena had pushed Dan out of the sheer anger that she had trapped inside of herself for months now. "You don't get to run away damn it! I need my answers!" She had screamed so loud that she felt her lungs burn. Moving towards Dan she got hold of the front of his shirt and shook him hard. "You don't get to play the coward anymore Dan Humphrey!" She said, shaking him as hard as she possibly could.

"What is wrong with you Serena?" Dan screamed equally loud and in his attempt to get himself free of Serena's hold, roughly pushed her. Serena staggered backwards and tried to balance herself on the table that was behind her. _The table on which laid the file that was the answer to all her questions._

The file fell to the ground, as its front cover flew open, clearly announcing to the world that it belonged to '_The New York Spectator."_ As if on impulse, Serena picked up the file and looked at Dan. He looked as if he was trying his hardest to disguise his panic as confidence. If Serena had any doubts left, the look on Dan's face removed all of them. This is it. This was her answer. Nate had something to do with Dan coming back. Serena quickly scanned the pages before her. And Dan made no attempts to stop her. Whether he was too shocked and panicked to recover enough to stop Serena, or whether he did want her to read the papers, nobody knows.

With every line that Serena read, she felt as if her lungs were too big for her chest and they were crushing her heart. Not ready to believe what she was reading, she looked up at Dan. And for the very first time that day, Dan Humphrey saw Serena's eyes reflect tears.

"What is this Dan?" She asked him, gesturing at the papers. Her voice quiet and her entire body shaking for another reason this time.

"Your answers." He replied shortly.

Serena looked at the papers again, as if praying and hoping that she read them wrong. And then she looked up to Dan for clarification. And Dan had the grace and dignity to provide her one.

"Nate asked me, what will it take for me to get back together with you. I offered him a deal, and he eventually took it." Dan told her truthfully. Sure, he didn't love Serena anymore, that didn't me he didn't wish well for her. He knew how important Nate's friendship to her was. And he decided he didn't want to take that from the two of them. Dan Humphrey didn't lie. He told her the truth. Like it was.

And in that one moment of sanity before Serena lost all control of her emotions, she did what she thought was the best thing to do. She tore the papers in her hands. Nobody takes away from Nate what he had earned so hard to get. _Nobody._

Dan watched her tear the papers. The deal was off. He knew that the moment Serena had picked up that file. There was no point fighting over it. Dan Humphrey will never be entitled to thirty percent of the _NY Spectator._

Without another word, Serena moved towards her room. Dan heard the sound of someone rummaging with something, and sure enough, three minutes later Serena was back in the living room, a file of her own in her hands. She calmly handed it to Dan without even so much as looking at him.

Dan opened the file, already knowing what it was. Serena had signed the divorce papers, that he held. He made one last attempt to get Serena to talk. He didn't love her, he knew that much. But never in his right mind did Dan imagine that he had completely shook Serena to the core. He tried getting something out of her, in his one last meager attempt.

"Serena –"

"You're free, Dan."

"But –"

"Please leave."

"Serena, you need –"

"Dan, I beg of you," her voice shook, "please leave."

Dan sighed, and accepted defeat. He wasn't as brave as Nate Archibald. He wouldn't even try.

"I will register these in the court tomorrow," he said, for the second time that day. Serena didn't respond. With that, Dan Humphrey exited the apartment.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Serena Van Der Woodsen collapsed on the floor. Her body wrecking with sobs.

On the other side of the door, Dan made a call to Nate Archibald. He waited as the tone rand loud in his ears. Before Nate could even say anything after picking up the phone, Dan shortly informed him. "The Deal is off, Nate." He disconnected. That was it. Five words from Dan and Nate knew where he had to be. With Serena.

Nate Archibald left his office, leaving everything just as it was and ran across the lobby. He halted on the door to his secretary's office and told her to cancel all his meetings for the day.

"But what about the staff meeting regarding the partnership deal?" Hannah asked.

"The deal is off." He said, quietly. Turning in his head, over and over again, the real implication of that statement.

Nate Archibald drove at the speed of wind. Drove faster than he had ever driven. He didn't care about the dirty looks that the Upper East Siders threw at him. _He needed to get to Serena._ All he could hear was the constant thud of the blood in his temple vein. His entire body felt warm. His eyes hurt for some reason and he clenched the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white. _Serena knew everything._

The First Night he had turned up. The kiss. The date. Serena's reaction when she saw the divorce papers. That day at the supermarket. This morning when he signed those papers. It was like a movie in front of him and Nate couldn't even close his eyes. _Serena._

Nate suddenly hit the brakes and the car came to a halt with a screech. Nate didn't care, he got out of the car as fast as he could and ran towards Serena's apartment.

Frantically, he knocked on her door. Once. Twice. Thrice. There was no reply.

"Serena?" Nate called out. No reply.

"Serena!" He called out a little louder this time. He didn't get a response.

Nate began to panic. What if Serena did something stupid? Is she even home? Where is Serena?

Nate banged his fist against the door. "Open the door Serena! I swear I will break in otherwise." He banged harder.

After about five minutes of beating his fist against the wooden door, panicking and calling out Serena's name over and over again, Serena opened the door.

Her eyes red. Her face pale. Her expression calm.

"Want to save the day, again Archibald?" He voice was steel cold. And just about now, when Serena greeted him with those accusing eyes and a voice so cold that it froze his bones, did Nate realize that he could have taken thee coward's way out. He couldn't have come. He didn't have to face Serena. But even then, the idea seemed irrelevant. Serena had found out, and Nate will take whatever she gives to him.

"Serena, listen –"

She held up her hand to stop him from speaking. "Please save the two of us the embarrassment and leave."

"Serena, you need to –"

"No. I don't need to do anything anymore. I don't have to meet you. And you don't have to play hero."

Nate made to step inside, but Serena stopped him. "Don't you dare step foot inside my house Nate Archibald. You have interfered enough. Leave me alone." She said. Her voice so quiet, it sounded like a threat.

"I can explain –"

"LEAVE!"

"But –"

Serena slapped him. Right across the face. It stung. What stung more,however, Nate's cheek or Serena's heart, nobody knows. But it stung.

"I trusted you," she whispered.

"I know," he replied, just as quiet.

"You betrayed my trust," she accused.

"I know," he replied again.

This was killing Serena. This constant acceptance of his mistakes. Serena wanted Nate to defend himself. To make excuses. To argue. Instead, he just stood there, silently accepting all the accusations that Serena made. And this infuriated her, because she wanted to _hate_ him. Hate what he makes her feel. Hate what he does to her. But he just stood there. Silent.

Out of sheer frustration and anger, Serena punched his chest. Once. Twice. Thrice. Over and over again. And Nate took it as if it were the gift from the Gods. Quietly accepted all the pain that she wanted to cause him with his eyes closed.

"Why? Why did you do this Nate? I trusted you." She kept punching him, tears flowing freely. Because she _loved_ him. And she _hated_ him. "You just dealt off my happiness. You didn't even tell me!"

She punched him. Wanting to cause him as much pain as possible. Wanted him to realize what he made her go through. Wanted him to know that she _loved_ him, even though she felt she shouldn't.

"I hate you." She whispered.

And just like that Nate Archibald's world crashed around him as he opened his eyes. She hated him. _She hated him. _He never got Serena's love. And today, he lost her trust, as well. Suddenly, Nate Archibald felt like he was the most helpless creature on the planet. He lost everything. There was nothing left to lose.

_There was nothing left to lose._

And if this was the case, then Nate decided he'll talk. He'll say what he has to say. She already hated him, he can't screw this up any more.

He made to move inside the house again. Serena pushed him away, but this time he just grabbed her by her upper arms, pushed her inside, and still holding her, entered the house. He turned the two of them around so that Serena's back was pushed up against the now closed doors, and Nate stood so close that he could see the tears on her eyelashes.

"You hate me." He whispered. And Serena nodded.

"You should." He told her. Serena just kept staring at him. Because she hated him, because she loved him. So much. With such intensity that she was burning inside.

"You are right. I didn't respect your trust. I deserve all the pain you want to throw at me." Nate whispered, he eyes beginning to shine with tear.

Their breath was labored. And he held her. So close. Because he wanted her to _understand._

"Why did you do this Nate?" Serena asked. Her voice quiet. "Why did you hurt me so?"

"Because I am in love with you." He replied, calmly. As if it was the truth that the world revolved around. To be fair, his world did.

Serena just stood there shell-shocked at his words. She didn't know what had happened. But suddenly, she felt her heart beating fast and she felt her anger rise. _Because he can't love her when she hates him so much in this moment._

"I always loved you. Since we were sixteen," and now, his voice shook as tears made their way down his cheeks. "You didn't. And it was fine. I had learnt to live with it."

Serena felt dampness on her face. She couldn't tell if it were his tears or hers. She didn't know when, but Nate's hands had moved from her upper arms and were now slowly caressing her face. And Serena loved him.

"I broke your trust," he said, his voice shaking, "you should hate me." Tears flowed freely down his face. "This is not how you treat someone you love. You don't make their happiness so worthless that it could be dealt of. I did wrong. I am a wrong person. I shouldn't love you. I shouldn't be here. But I swear to God Serena, you didn't see yourself that night. The night he sent those divorce papers." Serena felt the hands on her face shake and she saw his lips quiver, and she felt tears leave her eyes.

"I was so scared. I didn't want to lose you Serena. I couldn't. Not so completely. So I went to him. I succumbed. I broke your trust. I made you hate me. And you should." He said, resting his forehead on hers, as she without her own knowledge grasped his sleeves and held tight while her heart beat painfully against her chest and her tears flowed freely.

"I am in love with you Serena." He whispered once more. And with all the courage that he had got left in him, he kissed her.

He softly placed his lips on hers and lovingly caressed them. Without any urgency, he just felt, possibly for the last time. He felt Serena in the truest form.

"I love you," he whispered, lips still on hers.

"I hate you," she whispered, making no attempt to remove her lips.

"You should," he replied.

Serena pressed her lips to his again, because _she shouldn't._ Because she loved him. But she wouldn't tell him. She wouldn't tell him.

They broke apart. His forehead still rested on hers. Their eyes still closed. Their faces still damp.

"Please leave." Serena whispered, clutching the front of his shirt tightly.

"I will." Nate replied. He removed the shirt from her grasp and made to walk outside.

He opened the door and stepped out.

"You won't have to see me again for a while Serena. Just know, that I am sorry." With those words Nate Archibald closed the door behind him and made a call to his Grandpa Van Der Built.

He was ready to lead that Van Der Built Campaign to Pennsylvania for the political conference.

Nate Archibald was leaving and Serena Van Der Woodsen didn't even know.

**A/N: Hi. I am back! Please don't kill me? I had exams. I swear. A levels. And then I am struggling with college choices. And I will be leaving all my friends behind so I have been pretty busy with them. Emotional upheavals and withdrawal symptoms and all.**

**Anyways, if any of you is still reading this thing, we are left with one more chapter. After which, the climax, which will be relatively short. So yeah, I won't be going on such long hiatuses anymore. Expect quick updates now.**

**I am quite proud of how some of this has turned out and some of this I think sucks. Let me know in your review what you feel.**

**I tried redeeming Dan a little. And I hope I wrote the Nate/Serena sequence well enough. And for those of you who don't remember that Pennsylvania scenario, it's mentioned in Chapter 6. Basically, Nate is leaving for six months.**

**Also, I apologize from the depth of my for keeping you guys waiting. I will try my level best that it doesn't happen again. I love you guys. And I love that you like this story enough to read it. I am truly sorry. Believe me.**

**Please Review and let me know what you thought about this chapter. Your reviews are what encourage me to keep writing. **

**P.S Ignore any grammatical errors, it's six in the morning here, I will try to correct them as soon as possible, I promise!**

**Until the next chapter (which will hopefully be soon), ciao.**


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